Missing you in Maine
I started writing this poem
I wanted to write
That you were like the sun
And I the moon
Or something like that
Or that
You were like gold
And I like silver
That you were
A meteor
And I
Just a bit of space dust
Spinning somewhere in the atmosphere
But then I got your poem
The one about
Missing me
And waiting
Not knowing
Not being told
Where I was
Or what I was doing
And all I really needed to say
Was
I’ll try harder
Because I miss you too
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Canary word: Present
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Awww cute
Hi there!! I am here with a little review,
First my interpretation and stuff,
This poem has a unique subject that I have rarely seen. Usually the narrator talks about the person, themselves and their feeling but here the narrator also talked about poems, their own and the one they received.
In this bit I feel the narrator is trying to describe their relationship with the person they are writing about. They are labeling it and using similes to describe it, but when the narrator says
"or something like that" it shows that they want to describe their relationship but are in doubt about the means to do it, they can't find a satisfactory way to express it.
I guess when the narrator received the poem they realised that the other person didn't care about what they were, they simply cared about not being with the narrator and missing them. I really like the depiction of these feelings, the feelings at present are given importance. I feel that a lot of people feel it is important for them to label their relation with a person, to a point where they end up over analysing the trivial things and ignoring the important ones. Looks like that is what the narrator was up to and was put in check by the poem they read by the person their feelings were fixated by.
I interpret that "I'll try harder" here means that the narrator will try harder to get back to the one they were missing, stay focused on whatever task that led to them leaving in the first place so they can be back. Correct me if I am wrong though
Now a few suggestions,
I feel that in the line "I started writing this poem" would go better as "When I started writing this poem".
The line breaks were a bit irregular but I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Though if they were regular the poem might flow better.
These are just my suggestions, it's your poem so it's up to you to take it or leave it.
On the whole I enjoyed your poem. Keep writing such amazing pieces <3
Hello! Wallflower here with a quick review
This poem is lovely; the short lines and casual style makes it very personal, and the metaphors are absolutely gorgeous.
"That you were/ A meteor/ And I/ Just a bit of space dust/ Spinning somewhere in the atmosphere" This is my favourite excerpt from it! The metaphor is so poignant and powerful, the last line adding a sense of gravity and magnifying how strongly you feel.
Overall, this was a lovely poem!! I have no critiques.
Keep writing!
I like this poem and the meaning of missing someone so terribly.My favorite lines were at the start of the poem:”..I started writing this poem.I wanted to write that you were like the sun and I the moon.Or something like that…” These lines tell me that the narrator thought that they were alone in their feelings for this person,but towards the end of the poem,It becomes more clear that the feelings were shared and that’s what I like about it.Good Job and have a wonderful day!