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Missing you in Maine

by Baranczak


Missing you in Maine

I started writing this poem

I wanted to write

That you were like the sun

And I the moon

Or something like that

Or that

You were like gold

And I like silver

That you were

A meteor

And I

Just a bit of space dust

Spinning somewhere in the atmosphere

But then I got your poem

The one about

Missing me

And waiting

Not knowing

Not being told

Where I was 

Or what I was doing 

And all I really needed to say

Was

I’ll try harder

Because I miss you too


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47 Reviews


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Sun Sep 26, 2021 6:47 pm
LilPWilly says...



Awww cute




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Fri Sep 17, 2021 2:24 pm
Rodionandaxe wrote a review...



Hi there!! I am here with a little review,

First my interpretation and stuff,
This poem has a unique subject that I have rarely seen. Usually the narrator talks about the person, themselves and their feeling but here the narrator also talked about poems, their own and the one they received.

I started writing this poem

I wanted to write

That you were like the sun

And I the moon

Or something like that

Or that

You were like gold

And I like silver

That you were

A meteor

And I

Just a bit of space dust

Spinning somewhere in the atmosphere

In this bit I feel the narrator is trying to describe their relationship with the person they are writing about. They are labeling it and using similes to describe it, but when the narrator says
"or something like that" it shows that they want to describe their relationship but are in doubt about the means to do it, they can't find a satisfactory way to express it.

But then I got your poem

The one about

Missing me

And waiting

Not knowing

Not being told

Where I was

Or what I was doing

I guess when the narrator received the poem they realised that the other person didn't care about what they were, they simply cared about not being with the narrator and missing them. I really like the depiction of these feelings, the feelings at present are given importance. I feel that a lot of people feel it is important for them to label their relation with a person, to a point where they end up over analysing the trivial things and ignoring the important ones. Looks like that is what the narrator was up to and was put in check by the poem they read by the person their feelings were fixated by.

And all I really needed to say

Was

I’ll try harder

Because I miss you too

I interpret that "I'll try harder" here means that the narrator will try harder to get back to the one they were missing, stay focused on whatever task that led to them leaving in the first place so they can be back. Correct me if I am wrong though :D

Now a few suggestions,
I feel that in the line "I started writing this poem" would go better as "When I started writing this poem".
The line breaks were a bit irregular but I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that. Though if they were regular the poem might flow better.
These are just my suggestions, it's your poem so it's up to you to take it or leave it.

On the whole I enjoyed your poem. Keep writing such amazing pieces <3




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Fri Sep 17, 2021 1:27 pm
waywardxwallflower wrote a review...



Hello! Wallflower here with a quick review (:

This poem is lovely; the short lines and casual style makes it very personal, and the metaphors are absolutely gorgeous.

"That you were/ A meteor/ And I/ Just a bit of space dust/ Spinning somewhere in the atmosphere" This is my favourite excerpt from it! The metaphor is so poignant and powerful, the last line adding a sense of gravity and magnifying how strongly you feel.

Overall, this was a lovely poem!! I have no critiques.

Keep writing!




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Fri Sep 17, 2021 12:23 pm
vampricone6783 wrote a review...



I like this poem and the meaning of missing someone so terribly.My favorite lines were at the start of the poem:”..I started writing this poem.I wanted to write that you were like the sun and I the moon.Or something like that…” These lines tell me that the narrator thought that they were alone in their feelings for this person,but towards the end of the poem,It becomes more clear that the feelings were shared and that’s what I like about it.Good Job and have a wonderful day!





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