After the dress rehearsal
I search for you among the choir
There are four boys I think
One must be you
I wait fifteen minutes
Watching
Not finding
I say, let’s go now, dad
As I get up from the pew
I see you looking down at me
You break the silence
And for some reason
I am telling you I am learning German
You tell me
You thought I really was German
I laugh
Is it my accent really?
You say you aren’t good at accents
Later that night I write it all down
Except
I don’t
Not everything
Because I don’t know
everything
Yet
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,774 Reviews
Hi @Baranczak it's me again with another review for you on this rather cold day. I hope your all nice and warm. Now that we've got blankets let's get right into it shell be.
Aww that's cool, learning Germany. Sounds like the main character has there life all planned out for them. You really did the lay out to this poem quite well. I can say some lines where to short, but over all because the poem was longer I think it was also done a bit better then the first one I reviewed. That's with the lay out though the actual poem is really good okay don't get me wrong. Just the lay out can mess up the way other people read it.
Also pew is in bold because I'm not really sure what you meant by this and you might have made a spelling error I do it all the time. I have never heard of the word before so I'm not very familiar with the word. I was thinking from the word that it might be cue. But if it wasn't then that's fine, I wasn't sure.
So that is all that I can say, so sorry if I hurt your feelings, I think you write poetry very well. I hope to read more form you in the future your real good at it so keep going.
I hope you have a great day/night witch ever side of the world your on.
@Dossereana Flying Over The Green Room And Spreading Shards Of Encouragement
Hi again Dossereana! Thank you for another review ( and telling me about the reply function!) Same lay out problems as with the last one unfortunately%u2026I%u2019m going to have to sort this out on the website. But thanks for the suggestions anyway! P.S. pew is a word for the long benches that people sit in in a church. (that%u2019s where the the narrator is sitting as they watch the singing).
Thanks so much for telling me what pew means.
Hi Momo! Thank you for the review! I’m glad you liked the poem and thanks for the suggestions!
The blue button under each comment and review is how you reply, as you can see it even say's Reply, try it I promise it works.
@MomoMajesty I believe this is for you!
Hello Baranczak! I'm Momo, and I'm here with a review.
This is a really good poem! I loved the ending especially. The emotion came through really well! Overall, this is an amazing poem that I love reading again and again. However, I saw a few things that might make this poem even better!
One thing is the capitalization. I personally write my poetry all in lowercase letter, but I know a lot of people write their poetry with proper capitalization. I see that you made the first letter of every line a capital, which sometimes ruins the flow of the poem.
I think it would sound better if you said "Not finding you" here. It feels like you cut the sentence short.
dad should be Dad here.
That's all for now! Have a wonderful day!
Momo