I am trying to learn to cope with my feelings.
Despite the years I have spent looking at different ceilings,
I still can not get over the love that spills for you.
-
I have been to many different towns
And seen many different frowns
But no frown was ever like yours.
-
This sounds quite stupid, trust me I know.
But your frown was the prettiest one you could show
I hated seeing it, but you were still so beautiful.
-
Your beauty was honestly beyond words
Like the sound of music from incredible birds.
It was the type of beauty that you admire
-
It all started with a little frown
And me noticing that you were so down
This led to texts, emails, and love.
-
I came to understand that you were not happy
And you did everything to avoid being crappy.
I fell in love with this part of you.
-
You moved on eventually, despite my pleas
And I spent the next few days staring at trees.
Trying to find my purpose in life because you were gone.
-
Now, about a month down the road.
I realized that I loved you in a very secret code
No one except you and I understood our romance
-
This bothers me very much, and keeps me awake
Reminds me of how you put our relationship on a break.
This break turned permanent and it’s really quite sad.
-
I have not moved on, I still sob now and then
But, my relief in life seems to be this pen.
So here’s my permanent release from this pain.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,013 Literary Works • 672,842 Reviews
Hey, BaileyTheHooser, it's AshleyDashley here for a quick review!
First off this was a sad yet beautiful poem! I loved the emotion from it and the love. I felt it as I read and it went to my heart. You did an amazing job writing it. I saw no grammar errors, but my glasses broke so I can't see very well. If there are sorry. I saw no other errors so marvelous job on that. The way you wrote it was also good and the flow kept me reading. I enjoyed reading this and if you wanna talk I'm here to listen. Keep up the magnificent work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley
Hi BaileyTheHoosier!
Amazing poem, really love the way it flows. I like its depth, it's just right.
A couple of suggestions, though.
'It was the type of beauty that you admire
-
It all started with a little frown'
The lines are beautifully written but I feel that these two stanzas do not connect, somehow. Maybe you could try adding another stanza or two in between?
And, in the last stanza, your first and last line seem to be a little contradictory. I'm not sure how you can rewrite it, but I hope you'll get what I'm trying to say.
Once again, it's a wonderful poem
I was like 600 characters into a review for this but guess what? Computer died. anyways, this is a wonderful piece of art and i will no doubt be looking to the art you will put out... As soon as i find out where to check who i follow's posts... (still new to the site)
Aces and banter, writer, happy writing :3
PS why are you up at 11 thats bad for your health