Each passing day is the same as the last
Begging myself to put you and your aura in the past.
I learned quite quickly that life is so much different without you
And every milestone of my life, I found myself incredibly blue
-
Despite this, I forgive you for your insufficient love
It left me craving affection, even if it was from above
I knew our relationship would never alter
And for a while, this caused my engine to falter
-
Eventually this ideology turned against us
My sister and I threw you under the bus
I had a little bit of hope, that things might get better
But two months later, I found myself burning your sweater
-
We just wanted a relevant father
Someone who made us understand that we were everything but a bother
I lived through my childhood, coping with abandonment
And my love for you was honestly so adamant
-
But, instead of getting the hint
You ditched and left us behind in your treacherous scent
We were just little kids, trapped and alone
And instead of nurturing us, you threw us a bone
-
I forgive you for everything, dad
Despite all of the emotions you made me feel, especially sad
I understand you did what was best for you
But your job as a parent is to consider us, too
-
I loved you and did everything to make you proud
I understand it wasn’t enough, trust me, you can be quite loud
I just wanted everything to be okay
And for you to forgive my mistakes everyday
-
I’m sobbing because of your truancy
And struggling without your fluency
I’m sorry that I was never enough
And that obviously you just wanted a son who was tough
-
Not a son who could write or fix an emotional dent
Or a son that would forget everything if you would just repent
And treat him like someone who isn’t completely obscure
Instead of someone you could use for a power lure.
-
This is the end of your control
The end of everything in my life you caused to be dull
I will move on in life and try to be happy
I will forget about your stupidity and permanently flee.
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125,009 Literary Works • 672,837 Reviews
Hey BaileyTheHoosier! It's AshleyDashley and I going to give you a review! So first off your flow was nice and I liked it. This poem was very emotional and it hit home with me except it was my mother not my father. So I can fell for you. I took this to heart because of that too. Now what confuses me some is the lines"
You start out talking about you then in these lines you talk about you and your sister. It got somewhat confusing. Try easing into it. Otherwise I think you did a magnificent job with this poem.
These lines were by far the best in your poem. I feel they bring out all the emotion you are showing. You visual as well was extraordinary and I could see what you were saying thight the words of this poem.
Overall, fabulous job writing this! Keep you the magnificent work and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley
Thank you, and yeah. It took a lot out of me to write this. So by the time I had revised and made this somewhat readable, I was drained. I'll have to go back and make it easier to transfer from it being a selfish poem to like including my sister. I get what you're saying, and thank you for the advise
Your welcome!
Oh my god I love this poem. I love your phrasing. I love your stanzas. I love your words. This is so well written. Great job. I just recently went through the same type of thing with my father. My parents got divorced and my dad moved out. I felt the words so deeply. The words you wrote are exactly what people that go through this feel. You hit the nail right on the head. I don't even know what else to tell you. This is amazing.
Thank you so much
Hi Tulip here to give you a review on your poem! Wow! This packed an emotional tone the entire way there and by the end of it I wanted to wrap them up in a hug as no one should ever have to go through that.
I loved how the lines rhymed, but they also seemed rather long lines for a poem. The lines felt like they were drawn out to make it rhyme and I feel like for some people that could be a turn off.
The imagery you used was amazing and got the emotions across quite well. I do congratulate you on that. I think that the word choice you used maDE the biggest difference. With a different choice of words would make the imagery changed.
Like I said above, the lines seemed long and some of the forced to create the rhyme you have going. I would suggest looking at them, and seeing if you can shorten them down a little. But like I always say, you are the author, you make the choices.
Keep calm and write on,
Tulip