Throwing it back to being seven years old,
Where eating rice and multiplying double digits was bold.
Now at seventeen, we are stressed with AP tests and broken hearts,
Trying to put together all the shattered parts.
-
I sit in my room, complete with solitude,
Everyone around me screaming about my attitude.
Because apparently introversion is a negative,
And being depressed is an imperative.
-
Perhaps life would be better with you,
Where we could wake up together and admire the dew.
As my mind creates reiterations in my sleep,
Reminding me that our climb was so steep.
-
The memories in my dreams are complete,
With the good and bad that stay on repeat.
‘I’m completely okay’ is what I try to say,
But all I can think about is you, throughout the day.
-
I try my best to make you obsolete,
But the way I feel about you is just so concrete.
I listen to some music just to spare my brain,
But all it does is circle around to what I’ve tried to obtain.
-
You’re the love of my life, I think.
Or perhaps my heart is just on the brink,
Of completely giving up and releasing all feeling.
No matter what happens, you leave my heart reeling.
-
But I suppose this is goodbye to our high school fairytale,
Writing this about our roller coaster, makes me beyond pale.
Despite the uncertainty, I think this is my cue,
To end this poem with an I love you.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Heyaa, BaileyTheHoosier!!
I am Eros here to write a review for your beautiful poem!!
I want to start my review with a big WWWOOOWWW!!! It was witten really, reall great. I e-specially appreciate that you have used rhyming wordss in every sentence. I like this. It requores a skill to include a rhyming scheme in a poem, without disturbing the meaning even a bit.
The title is catchy, and captivating. It is related with the poem also. I liked the theme also. The idea was, indeed unique.
It was a SUPERB work! That is all I have to review.
Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such awesome works!
Have a great day/ night!!
Hello there! I have arrived to review this beautiful work. I must say, I was a bit confused initially while reading, but you certainly cleared up my confusion as I went along. My main critique of this poem would be your rhythm. You are very imaginative with your rhymes, which is great, but in order for some of them to work, the rhythm was messed up a tad bit. For instance,
In your first stanza, the second and third lines seemed to "drown" out the rest of the stanza because they contained so much. As I mentioned above, the rhyming works flawlessly, and you painted a perfect picture in this stanza, but in order to do so, the rhythm was messed up. I'm not going to point out every area in which this happened, but you should take a look at it. This is something I find myself getting critiqued for quite often, and I find it can help to count syllables.
My favorite stanza in this poem had to have been this one:
I've put in bold my favorite line. This was the perfect way to tie up the end of this poem, and you did it so very well. Very well done!
I thank you for creating this breathtaking piece, and I encourage you to keep it up. Keep writing, my friend.
-Sis
Hi BaileyTheHoosier! That poem was beautifully written. I felt the heartbreak within the words as I read it. You did an amazing job with this. Your flow was nice and kept the poem going. I like how you rhymed at the end of each line it made it much easier to see what you were saying as well as showing the feeling of the poem. I could visualize the words so clearly that I felt as if it were me in your place. It felt real and it touched my heart. I like how you started off the poem, I thought that is was clever. Overall I think you did a magnificent job with this. Keep writing and I hope to read more of your work in the future!
AshleyDashley
Thank you so much!