Someone filled the valley
with fluffy madness;
someone dumped moondust
on the terracotta roofs.
We ski down to the diner
in the middle of the road;
dunes of untouched snow
freeze exalted shouts.
We peer in through the foggy window,
then skis are propped outside the door;
we wind our scarves around the
loaded coat rack. Tomato soup
and giddy voices fill
the dark fake-wood
inside - it’s the only day in history
they’ve run out of hot chocolate.
On the hill by the bandstand,
students race a bike and sled in a
harebrained laugh at nature.
Professor-parents would complain,
but old knit gloves are out and
forming icy snowballs,
and the even older folk have
come to referee. Snow angels
dot the village–and not all are
child sized.
Someone spilled whiteout
on the boundaries of our lives,
and left a whitewashed world
without its fences.
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Thanks Angel, Threnody! I really appreciate the reviews. Threnody: about the commas--did you mean putting commas at the ends of lines or replacing the semi-colons with commas/commas and conjunctions? I'm going to try another version with commas and conjunctions, I think, and see how that turns out. You've got me thinking.
Thanks again! Much appreciated!
-BFG
I absolutely loved this poem! Running out of hot chocolate almost made me cry. It was so sad. I loved your metaphors and your rich description! One thing you could do to make it better was to add more commas. It would make the poem run smoother. I liked it alot though. It was really good. And a gold star for you!
Again, this poem rocked!
Peace, Love, and Lattes~
Forever Threnody
This was lovely. It was so fresh. Your descriptions were very vivid. I also didn't find any grammar mistakes. Or maybe I overlooked it.
I absoluely loved your beginning.