It had been a tough day.
A car accident, two dead, and a child
whose toys in the backseat--
Frozen coloring book, Spidey sneakers--
turned my hands into bionic attachments
far away from me,
cutting seatbelts and securing winches
all on their own.
That night we played Sardines
like we were kids again ourselves.
We switched off the lamps, shut the blinds
on the too-kind moonlight,
and felt around the darkness--
chipped plaster, dresser, toothpaste-smeared sink--
shrieking with pent-up hysteria when a soft arm brushed close.
Then huddled beneath a shelf beside the dryer,
toes tucked, scabby knees against oversize T-shirts,
blinking against nothing as if we too had moved on,
we let ourselves be lost in our phlegmy breaths:
heavy, comforting, alive.
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
Hiya..
So what I really absolutely loved about the piece was the complete change of feeling from the beginning to end. The description of the accident was so precise that it gave me goose bumps. But then as it progressed, the idea of how the narrator's perspective on his life changes (that's how I interpreted the whole thing, one incident changing things and life for them). And I completely love the ending.
My favorite line was the last line- heavy, comforting, alive.
It just gave me a sense of calm and freedom somehow.
9/10
Good work!
Harshita
Thanks Harshita!
Hey there! I am here to review this amazing piece you have written.
A touching one I must say. I liked the way you described the whole thing. It formed a great imagery. I really liked the first few lines where it depicted death and silence.
I appreciate the efforts you have put it in here.
Looking forward to seeing your new work soon.
KEEP WRITING!
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THANK YOU!
Thanks for the review, rbt00!