You used some amazing imagery....this was really good.
Love the description of the colours.
Alainna
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Between flickers of an unearthly dance
Captivating all who stare, entranced;
It wildly frays, battles and swoops,
Stepping time to cryptic, crackling tatoos.
Like a tiger's eye the flames sweep and change
As paints in a hurricane, the colors range
From poinsettia reds and summer corn golds
To cool, burning blues, a danger who knows.
A blackened brick chimney accepts its mark,
Then down to the embers, naught but a spark.
But still beneath smoky, billowing plumes,
A fire yet lives; it sways, it plays, it fumes.
You used some amazing imagery....this was really good.
Love the description of the colours.
Alainna
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Thanks Colleen!
Wow, I hadn't even thought of fraying like fabric frays... I'd totally been thinking of the 'bloody fray' of a battle or whatever... that's really awesome that it could work both ways!
I think you're right about my word choices in the first stanza being a little... eratic. I'll go over that again. And I definitely agree with the 'tiger's eye' line being too long, now that I look at it. I'll replace it as soon as I think of a better one... I'm blanking as well right now.
Thanks so much for reading/critiquing!!
Sophie
Dude! Sweet rhyme! This was well-described and structured. There are really only some minor rhythm problems here.
[s]Between[/s] Among(st) flickers of an unearthly dance
Captivating all who stare, entranced;
It wildly frays (word choice?), battles and swoops,
Stepping (word choice?) time to cryptic, crackling tatoos.
Like a tiger's eye the flames sweep and change
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