Between flickers of an unearthly dance
Captivating all who stare, entranced;
It wildly frays, battles and swoops,
Stepping time to cryptic, crackling tatoos.
Like a tiger's eye the flames sweep and change
As paints in a hurricane, the colors range
From poinsettia reds and summer corn golds
To cool, burning blues, a danger who knows.
A blackened brick chimney accepts its mark,
Then down to the embers, naught but a spark.
But still beneath smoky, billowing plumes,
A fire yet lives; it sways, it plays, it fumes.
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139,664 Literary Works • 672,645 Reviews
You used some amazing imagery....this was really good.
Love the description of the colours.
Alainna
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I applaud your topic. good show. all kudos to you, brava, etc. etc.
Thanks Colleen!
Wow, I hadn't even thought of fraying like fabric frays... I'd totally been thinking of the 'bloody fray' of a battle or whatever... that's really awesome that it could work both ways!
I think you're right about my word choices in the first stanza being a little... eratic. I'll go over that again. And I definitely agree with the 'tiger's eye' line being too long, now that I look at it. I'll replace it as soon as I think of a better one... I'm blanking as well right now.
Thanks so much for reading/critiquing!!
Sophie
Dude! Sweet rhyme! This was well-described and structured. There are really only some minor rhythm problems here.
Between sounds odd and throws the rhythm off, like there's too much emphasis on it. Among or Amongst flows more easily.
I always thought that fraying was something that happens to my jeans because I wear them really long. I never thought of fire as fraying, but it's an interesting image if it was intended.
I would've said "Tapping time" because "Stepping time" is an awkward phrase and "Tapping time" would be all alliteration-y and cool with the cryptic-crackling bit.
This one's too long. I have no suggestions.
The last stanza is my favorite! The repetition at the very end threw me off the first time through, but it's perfectly acceptable. Perhaps "it sways, plays, and fumes"?
Lovely poem! My favorite lines were first stanza, last line; second stanza, third line; and third stanza, first line.
Colleen