Oh, oatmeal and prunes, why hast thou led me astray?
Leading me to the restroom
When I need to stay on
my
zoom
meeting
Oh gallon of water, why hast thou undermined my authority?
I cannot hold thee back anymore.
Go and be free
Tarry not anymore in my aching vessel, go to be swept into a whirling cyclone of water
Forgotten
and
detested
in
the
toilet.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hiya Beast! hannah0528 here for a quick review. I hope it is helpful!
Haha, wow this was hilarious! Recently my teacher has been kicking people who have there video off out of the meeting so it really sucks cause...yeah.
"Oh, oatmeal and prunes, why hast thou led me astray?"
Oh gosh this cracked me up.
"Oh gallon of water, why hast thou undermined my authority?"
A gallon of water? oof. That sounds horrible XDDD. This was hilarious.
I also thought that the formatting was well done! I want to write reviews that help the author but I really can't think of anything wrong with this. Maybe simplify the language a little bit?
I hope this review was helpful! Definitely giving this a like. Keep writing and have a great day!
Thank you so much!
Oh my gosh, this is hilarious. It's so true, too. I can't highlight any specific lines because it's all good. I love the Shakespearean words, it makes it that much funnier. One thing: did you want to put punctuation at the end of "Go and be free" or is it connected to the next line?
That is all. Thank you for writing this.
--Book_Dragon
Thanks for the review!
Gross
Gross
Um, okay, is that a bad thing?
No
Oh, okay, thanks. Could you like it, (only if you like it).
Done
Thanks so much!
Aha! You could go review my new work in the green room!
Okay, give me a minute!
Artfully done.
Gracias
No problemo.
OMG THIS IS THE MOST RELATABLE FEELING EVER!! Great job Beast!
Thanks for the comment!
Ahahaha I love this so much XDDDDDD
Thank you so much!
Hi Beast!
I can really relate to this funny poem. Many times this year I've had to choose between the bathroom or my google meet for school. I've been torn between leaving my computer idle and the possibility of missing something important. It's not a good situation to be in XD
This very first line made me laugh. Not only because of the Shakespearian terms, but also oatmeal and prunes is probably not the best thing to eat and have mercy during the virtual school day lol.
A whole gallon of water?! Now you're just asking for it. I love the use of hyperbole to really emphasize how much peril you're putting yourself in. Also, I think you did very well with the word choice and using astray, undermined, and authority which makes the emphasis more clear.
I also like your choice of having words trail off which brings good emphasis to the events in the poem. Nice job with this and keep writing!
Thanks so much for this review. Could you please like it? I really wanna get a piece in the literary spotlight.
There you go! Sorry I always somehow forget to press like whenever I get down to the comments lol
Hello, Beast!
Valkyria here with a review!
This was a really funny poem, and I was laughing after every line.
Which wasn't good because I'm supposed to be doing work in class.I related to this poem. One time, I was in Math class, and the teacher was explaining a difficult topic, but I really had to go to the bathroom. So I was even more confused when I came back.
I love the stylistic choices you made at the end of the stanzas, such as the lines sloping down.
I only have a couple of suggestions.
Some of the other lines have punctuation, like the period at the end "I cannot hold thee back anymore." I feel like you can put a question mark at the end of these lines:
Also, all of the lines start with a capitalized word except for this line:
Maybe this was a mistake, or maybe you did this intentionally. But, it's the only line that's not capitalized in the poem.
If those are purely your personal choice, that's totally fine! You don't have to change anything if that wasn't what you were intending!
My favorite part has to be that you use Shakespearian words like "thee" and "tarry." It's absolutely hilarious!
Great job!
Thank you so much. I'm not much of a poetry writer, so your reviews and encouragement means a lot.