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I suck at poetry and can’t seem to write

The jumbled mess of emotions inside

This fading euphoria so hard to hide

Gives way to emotions that seem like the tide

Rising and falling with the heavens in vain

This endless cycle so easy to explain

Yet hard in the aspect that’s just so plain

Chokes out all the joy that I seek to obtain

Emotions change in old or prime

Like mother nature and father time

And so while this lasts I must share mine

Before ink runs out, and I lose my mind

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17 Reviews

Points: 117
Reviews: 17

Tue Apr 13, 2021 10:41 pm
MellyBourne wrote a review...

I love the perspective of a begginer writer this one gives. The language and metaphor is very simple, but I believe that's exactly what makes this one good, you're not trying too hard. You are giving us a look at poetry through your eyes, the waves of emotion and struggle to make it all right. I ain't no big writer myself, and maybe that's what also helped me identify with you. The whole thing just feels genuine.

BEASTtheHUN says...

Thank you so much!

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421 Reviews

Points: 26850
Reviews: 421

Mon Apr 12, 2021 7:54 pm
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starlitmind wrote a review...

Hey there! Saw this poem in the green room, and I would love to leave a review for you c:

Ooh , you most definitely do not suck at poetry at all! ^_^ This is a super nice poem you got here <3 I really love your rhymes, how consistent your rhyme scheme is, and how it gives such a bounce to the poem. Since you utilize rhymes, it makes the poem more catchy, and that can often stick to readers more. In addition, I love the subject of your poem! It's quite relatable, to have too many thoughts and emotions and so many feelings, but not begin able to put any of them down on paper. I think you described that accurately, with phrases like :this jumbled mess of emotion inside," and then the last line (which I think was a super fitting way to end this!) "and I lose my mind" -> you can clearly see the desperation of the speaker and the mess they find themselves in, so I think you nailed the message :)

Since this is a review, I would love to give you some suggestions! Now these are just suggestions, so if you don't agree, please feel free to ignore me and disregard whatever I say! c:

The jumbled mess of emotion inside

This fading euphoria so hard to hide

Gives way to emotions that seem like the tide

(I love the idea of fading euphoria, by the way!)

I noticed you had a bit of repetition here. Repetition isn't necessarily a bad thing, but I think it would be better if you could find a replacement for one of the two, especially since the repeated words are pretty close together. Every word really counts in a poem, and I personally like to avoid repetition that doesn't really "serve a purpose," you know? xD but completely up to you; we can have differing opinions! c:

Also, this is another personal suggestion - for the first one, "the jumbled mess of emotion inside," I personally think "emotions" (plural) would sound a bit better. But that's just my personal preference :)

I suck at poetry and can’t seem to write

I can really feel the desperation of the speaker in this first , heavy opening line <3 I do think, though, that "I suck" is a bit of an informal phrase - since the rest of your poem is more on the formal side, this phrase does stuck out a little bit. I personally would try to keep your tone consistent throughout the whole poem, but if you like this, then feel free to disregard what I'm saying! c:

And so while this last I must share mine

Here also, I think "while this lasts" might sound a bit better than "while this last," especially because the former is the way the phrase actually goes. But again, up to you!

Before ink runs out, and I lose my mind

So you mentioned that it's hard to write, yet here you say that the ink is running out - I find the two to be a bit contradictory. A thought I had while reading was you could say "Before the ink runs dry" -> this would indicate the speaker isn't writing , and so the ink just becomes dry. This would relate to your first line where the speaker says they can't seem to write. but again, it's up to you! ^_^

And that's all I got for you!! c: like I said, I quite enjoyed this piece! <3 I think your rhymes were easy going and natural, and the message of the poem is quite clear and well portrayed, while also being relatable. I also like your different word choices and how nothing felt forced at all. You are seriously a wonderful writer!!! <333 Anyways, I hope to read more from you soon, and I hope this helped!

BEASTtheHUN says...

Thanks a lot, this review means a lot to me, being that I was nervous about putting this out there. Thanks!

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121 Reviews

Points: 21970
Reviews: 121

Mon Apr 12, 2021 6:43 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...

Heyyy stygianmoon17 here for a review :D

Oh wow. I've never seen someone so perfectly describe what it's like to have so many things to say, but so little words to describe them. This is a very powerful short poem, Nothing should be added. Nothing should be removed. I loved it <333

I suck at poetry and can’t seem to write

hum hum.. for someone that supposedly can't write, you're pretty good at it you know ^^

Can't wait to read more poems from you, have a great day/night/or whatever name the times of day have <333

BEASTtheHUN says...

Thanks a lot for the review. Glad you liked it!

"Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness."
— Bishop Desmond Tutu