I drove by your old house today.

Hi Ayumi,

Overall I just want to say, this is really great poem, both in craft and importance. Thank you for sharing this, and as a survivor too, thank you even more. Writing like this is powerful and we need it badly <3

So now on to some thoughts about craft.

1.
I noticed you capitalized the first letter of each line. That's definitely a traditional way to go and completely a matter of personal style. Personally I find it easier to follow the flow of poems that leave a line in lowercase if it's in the middle of a sentence. But again, completely a matter of personal preference and I'm only mentioning it in case it was something you hadn't consciously thought about.

2.

Cutting that April grass under the oak tree.
The tree done got too big to climb

I really like these two lines. They've got the imagery and voice of the speaker that spark the poem to life. I actually think you could start the poem here, especially since the lines before this, in part, repeat the title. That could add a little more build-up in the poem, more of a sense of progression and revelation as the reader goes on and starts to feel that sense of one-time hate rather than just being told about it straight away.

3.

Before you grew up.
Before you made me grow up.

15 years ago, you taught me
That I didn't learn fast enough.
But I learned to hate you,
And me.

The way these lines are built really helps give them their impact. The second parts to each pair of lines make me see the ones before them in a different way, especially the last one. They add a lot more depth.

4.
Just as an overall thought, I really appreciate the way you were able to write about this subject meaningfully without being overtly triggering or explicit.

5.
The short lines help create the tone and pacing of the poem. I can read it as an inner monologue, with sentences that come slowly, in a thoughtful manner, with pauses between parts. Like I mentioned in point three, several of these pauses lead into "turnings" where a thought suddenly takes on a new angle and depth of meaning. The slow, thoughtful pace of the poem gives it a reflective mood, and one that is-- sort of aloof? for lack of a better word.

6.
[quote]And for the first time, I don't hate you.[/i]
This is obviously a really important line. It's not only repeated, but it acts as the "hidden" other half of the poem's title. It's like a cause and effect-- because the speaker "drove by your old house today," she realized that the hate is gone.

7.
Okay, last thing here I think. I also just wanted to note that there's a juxtaposition between the speaker reminiscing over the "good" times she had with the perpetrator before abuse turned them bitter, and the actual tone with which she thinks over them. So there are these what would otherwise be pleasant, even heartwarming and relaxing images and ideas set within this sort of distant, stoic tone. It works very well.

That's about it from me. I hope this all makes sense and you find some of it helpful. Thanks for posting.

-- Stringbean