hurt me once
that's not nice
hurt me twice
you won't blink twice
hurt me three times
you wont see four
because three strikes you're
OUT!
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Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hey! Go reviewlution!
I saw that this one had only 2 reviews, so I thought I'ld check it out.
This is good, I really enjoyed it. It's simple and to the point, as well as being really funny. I always enjoy a poem that makes me chuckle.
I liked the inclusion of the numbers and counting. It added a childlike innocence to the poem, and made it sad.
The only real critic I have is some grammar and punctuation problem, but most of them have been talked about already. I personally don't like capitalisation of OUT! But that is just me. I feel that it ruins the fow of the poem and can be just as effective without it.
I feel that this poem can be too childish, but I also don't think it is at the same time.
One thing to think about is possibly explaing the sort of hurt or why the persona is being hurt.
Overall, you have this great poem which is simple yet effective.
Good job and keep writing
Nargles xxx
Alright first off * high fives* go reviewlution! second I like this a lot. I was actually laughing towards the end when you wrote " you wont see four
because three strikes you're
OUT!" I liked how your had OUT! in all caps because it really emphasized the you wont hurt me any more after three buckaroo. Also your title was really interesting I thought it be like a break up sort of poem but nope not at all. Also just add the ' to wont and the you're good on grammar. Overall, I really found this poem to be amazing and just Perfect I hope you continue writing
~Fallen
Hi, it's Em101cats here. Here's a review
I loved how your intriguing title, "Hurt Me," brings the reader in interested and ready to read. Great work on the title!
I like the way you added in the "Three strikes and you're out!" baseball saying in! It gives it a connection to readers, especially baseball players. Don't ask me what kind of connection, I don't play baseball XD
I'm not a big fan of slang. The "cuz" probably should either be 'cause or because. And also, the use of the word "your" is the wrong use. "You're" is the correct way. But I do things like this all the time, so don't worry.
Correction: won't. Just left out an apostrophe don't be upset
Other than those little tiny mistakes, I saw this as a GREAT poem! Don't be upset, please, about making mistakes. Everyone does it, because everybody's imperfect. Keep up the great writing!!!
~Em101cats~
I will change them I was in a rush to add this because I thought I would be able to add more than 2 poems in 24 hours and I was wrong so ty