Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
cooking is like drama
you cook up the rumors
add a dash of lies
a pinch of bullshit
stir it up
now you have drama
let it cook and boil
bake and broil
soon it will burn
but stop,
if you cant handle the heat put out the flame and stay out of the kitchen
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,829 Reviews
Wonderful, just wonderful piece of short poem.
(I love short poems they literally just punch at me)
I thought it was really quick and almost rushing without any commas or periods, but that could have well been intentional. I don't really mind it anyways.
Maybe just add a comma after "but stop" before you write the long
because it kind of gives me a breath of air before I dive into that long sentence.
Maybe just change "roomers" to rumours
and instead of "heat put out the flame" which doesn't reaaaallly kind of make sense (it could just be me you can totally keep that)
maybe just change it to:
"heat from the flame"
because this is just more fluent.
Anyways, great poem! Love how it's all true. (I really feel like printing it out and shoving it into my friends' brains)
Unnatural
Hello! Bumping the rating on this to 16+ for the curse word.
Rumors*
Can't*
Also this is a big line in comparison to the other lines. I suggest breaking it in half.
Okay. Technicalities aside, I rnjoyed this poem! The comparison of cooking and drama was genius and nicely illustrated, with using lies, bullshit, and rumors as ingredients.
I do feel that the last line was a weak way to end the poem. You say as if drama is easy to stop. It really isn't. I suggest you rebise the last line and make it more realistic. Also, what about the after-effects of drama? A good comparison to use is that you sometimes get burned during cooking, as do you get burned when it comes to drama. Or how sometimes don't come out the way you want them to, with cooking and drama. See what I mean? Better examples > better understanding for the reader.
But other that that, this was really good!
Hope this helps.
~Iggy
Hi there!
So, what can I say about this piece of creativity...?
I wonder if in the first line you wanted to compare drama to cooking or cooking to drama. I really think that it ought to be. 'Drama is like cooking'
That being said, I must admit that I like the candidness in this poem. I can almost hear and angry voice in the words. I also liked how you likened drama to cooking. It depicted it quite clearly.
Coming to the review stuff. I really thing that the poem could have sounded better with some punctuation. It helps to transmit the emotions in the words accurately.
There was also a spelling nitpick. roomers should be rumours, or so I think.
That being said, I think it was a bouncy carefree poem and that made me like it. Especially these lines
let it cook and boil
bake and broil
and this one too:
if you cant handle the heat put out the flame and stay out of the kitchen
Hey there Awesome!
OK let's get started!
I think you mean rumors.
Otherwise, I really liked this piece. It reminds me of my high school says when everything was about the drama. Haha. I think you caught the essence here and it's really something.
The flow was great and the imagery was great. I loved that you compared it to cooking because really, if you can't take the heat get out of the kitchen!
All in all, lovely piece. Just watch the spelling there friendo!
Keep on keeping on.
Much love,
Star