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A Chicken Story

by Awru


"We cannot tolerate such behaviour anymore. We have our own rights. Lets stage a sit-in against these humans who think we are helpless," said the Head Chicken standing on the counter of a butcher's shop.

"Yes! Who do the hoomans think they are."

"Those chicken killer demons."

"We should cut them in tiny pieces and fry them."

"It's high time we had a talk".

A chorus of human friendly comments came from the agitated chickens gathered around their leader.

"Our Chief is right," a tiny voice squeaked from the massive crowd. The owner of the voice soon forced his way out and ran to the Chief. He was quite young but very ambitious. His tiny body was tense with excitement and he looked ready to burst. The little chick had recently lost his parents to a Nugget Company and was more than eager to avenge his parents by any means necessary.

"We cannot just stand and watch our poor relatives being murdered and changed into nuggets, sausages and other hateful delicacies," the little chick shouted, his voice cracking and eyes brimming with tears.

"That's the spirit lad," announced the Chief thumping him on the back.

"So what do you say folks. Let us be the representatives of the Downtrodden Chickens against the one with the Knives," he boomed.

"YAAY CLUCK KA CLUCK," the crowd cheered. Their battle cry resounding across the shop startling the mice and rats back in their holes.

A burning passion had been ignited in the heart of each and every chicken after the sentimental speech. They were determined to avenge the thousands of deformed chickens gurgling in the gigantic stomach of the greedy humans. It was the most excited, vengeful and furious mob of chickens ever assembled in this history of mobs. They enthusiastically began preparing for the great movement that could change the future of chickens and humans for better or worse(respectively)

All the influential chickens had gathered near the counter devising strategies to make the humans acknowledge their rights.

One of them a muscular rooster kept shouting after short intervals like a dying engine taking its last breaths. "Blow em," he kept saying, " We gotta blow em all...and I Trunner IIII will be the one leading the assault". He belonged to a long line of fighters and was well respected and praised among the chickens.

Another chicken, a petite hen kept adjusting her oversized glasses on the bridge of her beak.

"We should endeavor to communicate with the humans instead of resorting to violence," she kept saying briskly, much to Trunner's annoyance. She wasn't considered very important, a commoner but that was before she had discovered the magical glasses abandoned near the shop. Now she carried herself with a dignified air and made it a habit to disagree with whatever Trunner proposed.

The Chief had little care for their opinions. He was above their pathetic advices. His vision was much broader and glorious. This was only the beginning of his grand scheme, World Domination.

He had thirsted for power for as long as he could remember. It was this thirst that had led him to dodge the butcher and get his big brother killed instead. Just to become Chief. But now he was bored of leading such undignified and dumb animals. He wanted to seize the Ultimate Throne, all the shops of Hoffman Street. Especially the one with the lovely Kiara whom he had fallen in love with at first sight. With all the butchers under him it would be a matter of moments to control the entire Lilith Village. Lilith Village according to his limited knowledge was the entire world.

The pawns had been placed. He had made his first move

On the other side, masses of chicken were busy either sharpening their beaks on the marble tiles or scraping messages on the left over feathers of their relatives. The hard working chickens had succeeded in making a number of banners.

"We Demand Respect", one said

"We give you eggs for breakfast. Have some shame for goodness sake."

"We want Chicken Rights to be passed and followed."

"Eat beef; beef is healthier and safer."

Such remarks had been written on the feathers. One said "Treat us as Humans" but the Chief immediately got it changed to "Treat us as Money."

When the chickens asked the reason he triumphantly said,"Are you crazy? Humans treat humans even worse than they treat us. They only treat Money with respect." All the chickens nodded their beaks in admiration. They certainly had a very clever Chief.

As the Chief was scouring the busy chickens, the little chick from before ran up to him. Keeping his voice low he anxiously said, "Sir! What if the movement fails and the humans don't acknowledge our rights".

The Chief guffawed, his huge stomach dangling from one side to the other,"You are a clever little chick thinking like that. But you don't have to worry. I will take care of..Eevverything," he said his beak curling into what seemed like a conspiratorial smile. The little chick was soo proud of being called clever. It looked like his eyes would pop out any moment.

Seeing everyone was ready. The Head Chicken leisurely walked up to the counter. He already felt like he had conquered half of the world.

"My valiant people!," he said trying to summon the regal bearing of an emperor," The time has come for us to...SNATCH!

The chief was swept right off the counter with one swift movement.

"Here is a nice fat one Sir. How would you like him, full or boneless?", said the butcher. His knife gleaming silver.

"Full, my wife makes excellent roast," replied the fat customer. His mouth watering at the mere thought of crispy roasted chicken.

"CLUCK KA CLUCK", a high pitched scream was the last voice that emanated from the Chief"s throat. The valiant army had dispersed rapidly and hidden at any possible place.

May his soul rest in cheese Oh I mean peace. 


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Sat Jun 27, 2020 8:21 am
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HGsomeone wrote a review...



Ahoy hoy,

I’m always intrigued by what looks like it will be a numerous read and I must say I wasn’t disappointed and hopefully with some polishing this piece of yours can be even funnier! So, without further ado, here are some general comments;

1. I’m not really the best person to point out grammar so I’ll just leave that to the reviewers who have already commented on this and content myself with simply saying that a few of the sentences could have been better worded. My main example of this is for this sentence;

“It was the most excited, vengeful and furious mob of chickens ever assembled in this history of assemblage of mobs.”

I understand what you’re trying to say but it reads strangely and I think it could be better for a clearer meaning, here’s an example:

“It was the most excited, vengeful and furious mob of chickens ever assembled in the history of vengeful mobs.”

2. The beginning of the story was a tad confusing when you wrote:

“A chorus of human friendly comments came from the agitated chickens gathered around their leader.”

This reads as introducing a group of chickens who are against attacking humans but they are never referred to again (except for the hen with the glasses) and it’s confusing to suddenly introduce the group after writing about the original protests of the chickens against the humans. My assumption for this is that you forgot a word in the above sentence which would have made the statement more cohesive with the rest of the narrative, e.g:

“A chorus of anti-human comments came from the agitated chickens gathered around their leader.”

3. You had an array of characters in this but not all of them felt essential to the story and instead drew my attention away from other aspects which I was much more interested in. These characters were Trunner the rooster and hen. Though perfectly interesting on their own I personally felt they didn’t do much in aid of the narrative and I enjoyed reading about the chief and the young chick a lot more.
Could there be a way to integrate them further into the story because they are interesting characters.
Also, where did the hen’s glasses come from? They seemed to just appear out of nowhere and their origin was only mentioned in passing. You introduce all these different characters and factors in this bit of the story but they never lead up to anything otherwise and become in the end a bit of a distraction.

Now, with that out of the way, I dearly hope I haven’t offended you because I truly do think this is a great story and the idea of the chicken rebellion was very entertaining. That ending as well was also genius and I couldn’t help smiling.
Overall, this was great and keep writing!

- H.G




Awru says...


Thanks for the review! Ofcourse I am not offended. How will we improve if we dont get criticized XD
The line
%u201CA chorus of human friendly comments came from the agitated chickens gathered around their leade

It was meant as a sarcastic comment "human friendly"
I used Trunner and the hen to spice things up actually. To give a bit of a wide community behaviour kinda look. But I understand why the chief and the chick are more interezting



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Fri Jun 26, 2020 6:44 pm
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MoonIris wrote a review...



Hi Awru,
I really liked your story. It made me think of a book Animal Farm by George Orwell. It has similarities. Only in yours is just about chickens not all of them. Your grammar mistakes have been pointed out by StarlitMind, so I won't insist on that. About the actual story, I like that you aren't talking just about one specific chicken but more about there community. I think the ending is hilarious. I think we should learn from the chief story, we shouldn't be too confident and be prepared for everything that might happen. Good or bad. My favorites part would be: "Eat beef; beef is healthier and safer" and of course the last line. I really liked the story so you will probably get more reviews from me.
Hope you're doing great,
MoonIris.




Awru says...


Thank you for the review!



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Fri Jun 26, 2020 2:37 pm
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StarlitMind wrote a review...



Hey there!
I absolutely love this story xD It's cute, fun, refreshing, and unique. You also have quite good descriptions, especially when describing some of the chickens. I loved the way you spelled some of the words when the chickens were speaking. I could see this whole story being played out in my head. I really, really love it :D
I have a few things I'd like to point out, if you don't mind!

Lets stage a sit-in against these humans who think we are helpless,"


It should be "Let's" since it is a contraction meaning "Let us"

"Yes! Who do the hoomans think they are".

"Those chicken killer demons".

"We should cut them in tiny pieces and fry them".

"It's high time we had a talk."


The period needs to go inside of the quotation for these sentences.

His tiny body was tense with excitement and he looked ready to burst.


You need a comma after "excitement" since you have a conjunction joining two independent clauses.

Their battle cry resounding across the shop startling the mice and rats back in their holes.


You need a comma after "shop"

They were determined to avenge the thousands of deformed chickens gurgling the gigantic stomach of the greedy humans.


Do you mean "gurgling in the gigantic stomach"? Also, there was no space between this sentence and the next sentence.

They enthusiastically began preparing for the great movement that could change the future of chickens and humans for better or worse(respectively)


This sentence needs a period. Also, I don't think the respectively makes sense at the end since you used "or." I would drop it and rewrite it in a way so you don't need the respectively, but that's just my opinion.

Another chicken, a petite hen kept adjusting her oversized glasses on the bridge of her beak.


I would enclose "a petite hen" in commas, so just add another one after "hen"

She wasn't considered very important, a commoner but that was before she had discovered the magical glasses abandoned near the shop.


Same thing here around "a commoner"

The Chief had little care for their opinions.


This is worded a bit weirdly. How about "The Chief cared little/barely cared for their opinions" ?

"We Demand Respect", one said


Comma goes inside the quotations

"Eat beef; beef is healthier and safer".


Period inside the quotations. There are a few other spots you need to do this, but hopefully this can help you see where that needs fixing :)

"Are you crazy humans treat humans even worse than they treat us. They only treat Money with respect".


This is a bit confusing. Did you mean "Are you crazy? Humans treat humans..." There also needs to be a space between the "Are" of the beginning of this quote and the comma before it. You did this in a few other places, but hopefully this can help you find them.

"Sir! What if the movement fails and the humans don't acknowledge our rights".


You need a question mark at the end of the quotation instead of a period.

Seeing everyone was ready. The Head Chicken leisurely walked up to the counter.


I think you meant "Seeing everyone was ready, the Head Chicken..."

replied the fat customer. His mouth watering at the mere thought of crispy roasted chicken.


Same idea here. "...fat customer, his mouth watering..."

from the Chief"s throat.


I should be an apostrophe, so Chief's

May his soul rest in cheese Oh I mean peace.


I love this xD I think it looks better though if you write it was "May his soul rest in cheese, oh, I mean peace."

Overall, I really, really loved this story! It was hilarious, and I hope this review helped! :)




Awru says...


Thank you for the review! I suck succkk at puntuation.



StarlitMind says...


Of course! Haha, don't worry about it xD You'll improve over time, you got this! <3



Awru says...


<33




The brain is wider than the sky.
— Emily Dickenson