Young Writers Society

Hiya Awru!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. (Lol, I already know where you are) I'm here to give you a review! Let's get started, now, shall we?

Alright, so now, your story's great. It's got great description and I can feel everything the character is going through. Like, the pain, the confidence that she'll tear away from the monstrosity of the darkness, everything. It's all great!

But there are a couple of things I'd like to talk about. Actually, one or two things. It's mostly just punctuation stuff. First of all, you have an outstanding idea on how to separate your paragraphs. Second, you've got some places were you had commas and periods. It was all good, but I thing you've got periods, commas, colons, and semi colons all mixed up. I get confused with all of them too, but - thank god - I've gotten better.

I'd suggest probably looking at this site for a bit of help. Hopefully it'll help you in some sort of way.

But anyways, I enjoyed reading this little story. It had great detail and I can't wait to see more from you! Of course, if you have any questions, feel free to ask me whenever.

And as always...

Keep on writing!

~Liberty

An interesting concept! You have a brilliant vocabulary of vicious animal words - all the clawing and slashing and biting. The actions are dramatic and the wide use of words help prevent the reader getting tired of reading about being mauled, even though it happens so continuously through the extract. I also like your descriptions of pain. They seem real - perhaps it's the colloquial tone, or the rhetorical questioning, but I did find myself genuinely believing in the agony. That is probably the most necessary outcome for piece that is essentially a metaphorically-addled description of long-term pain.

I think the strength of the piece lies entirely in the animalisation (forgive the made-up phrase) of humans. It's exciting to read, and is a concept that most, of not all readers will be able to grasp. It's for this reason that I also think it might be better to remove the parts not entirely animal. The bits about darkness; the bits about suffocation - are they really necessary? I did feel that the piece stretched on a bit too long while reading it. Perhaps it would be more powerful if trimmed shorter. Personally, the best solution would definitely be to cut away at the meandering filler - or at the very least, replace it something more akin to animal savagery. Remember, a lot of the time, especially in short stories, less is more!

The capitalisation of "Human" is a really interesting choice. It's a bit jarring at first, but I suppose it signifies alienation from the group. If so, then that's a very cool concept, but could be brought out more directly in the piece as well.

All that being said, I did enjoy the piece, and I suppose that's what really matters.


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and the canines more sharper.

Hello, Awru! I hope your having a g9od day or night! I apologize for any spelling errors, I am typing this in my phone.
Alright, first of all, this is an absolutely beutiful poem, my friend,read it, and thought that as well.
However, a few things I would like to point out.
I would desperate the lines a bit, and also, make sure there are spaces in between your words.
Also, maybe it is just me, but I was a little thrown,off, I went into this thinking it would be about pollution, and animals. And I guess I continued thunking this until the last line.
Other than that, wonderful poem, it talks about an important issue, which is good.
Keep on writing, and I cannot wait to see,more from you!