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Forget So Easily!

by Awru

   Why do they forget so easily?All my love,all my obedience,all those good times we had. They blow them to dust in mere seconds. After getting me on the highest skies they push me to the ground . And its so painful,its so painful to fall, the more is the height the more is the pain.

   Why do they forget the way I have always cared for them? Why do they ignore all my struggles just because of that one mistake,that one time I wasn't a saint.

   Why do they do this to me? Why do they hurt me like that? Its so agonizing to see that all your love,all your acts of affection meant nothing. In a matter of minutes, they are equal to dirt.

   But what do I do? I am tired of this silent torment. These tears fall down without my consent . And even these tears mean nothing to them. They think they are fake tears;crocodile tears.

   Please tell me, Why do they forget so easily? The times I laughed with them,the times I tried my hardest to make them smile,to please them being my only wish. But they forgot they forgot the good things about me and remembered only the bad ones. The time when I wanted the most for them to understand they..…they forgot.

   I beg you either don't lead me to those high skies or don't push me.

   When their feelings subside they get back to normal the same smiling faces but they also forget the holes in my heart these holes don't fill so easily. With every strike,with each cutting word these holes get bigger and bigger eating me from inside.

   Each time I promise myself I won't get too happy, I won't believe they have understood but I fall_ I fall for their warm hugs, I fall for their affectionate kisses, I fall for those merry laughs. I fall so easily!

   I know they love me, I know they care but they forget. They forget so easily!

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542 Reviews

Points: 30284
Reviews: 542

Sat Sep 07, 2019 4:03 pm
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FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...

Hello, @Awru my dear friend, FlamingPhoenix here with a review for you on this lovely night, sorry it took so long.

So I plan to do a really nice long review like you do for me trying to find everything I can to help you, but I have a feeling it will only be one or two things. XD

Right let's start with the first very small things I saw, so first you might want to read through your work and look at your punctuation, some of them you have a space between to work and the full-stop, and then you have no space. It's not a big thing but I thought I should mention it to you because it makes your work look a little messy. XD

Anyway here is the last thing I saw that I needed to point out. It's a very small thing that can be fixed very quickly.

When their feelings subside they get back to normal the same smiling faces but they also forget the holes in my heart these holes don't fill so easily.

So you are missing a few commas in this sentence, so I am going to go ahead and place then were they need to do down below.
When their feelings subside they get back to normal the same smiling faces, but they also forget the holes in my heart, these holes don't fill so easily.

I think this sound a little better. What do you think?

Anyway that was all I could see that needs to be fixed, I'm glad I got to read your short story, though to me it sounded more like a long poem, I mean when I began to read this I could feel all the deep seated emotion making it's way into me as I read, I could feel all the anger and sadness, and even the pits of way when you spoke about the smiles.
I just love what you have written here, to me this is one of your best works, your very good with the emotional things.
I also liked how you kind of told a story with the things this person was feeling. It was very clever.

So sadly that is all from me. I do hope you will write more and post again on YWS soon, I really enjoyed reading and reviewing this work for you, again sorry the review took so long. Anyway I hope you will have a great day or night.

Your friend and faithful reader
Reviewing with a fiery passion!


Awru says...

Thank u soooo much %u2764%u2764

Your welcome!

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61 Reviews

Points: 5916
Reviews: 61

Thu Sep 05, 2019 2:57 pm
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Awru says...

@DougalOfBiscuits @Liberty @Riellehn Ok so guys since each of u said it was not a short story and i most certainly agree but i could not understand where to put it. Can u plz guide where should i place it. I did not wanted it to be a story that is why the characters and settings are missing. I just wanted it to be sorta like a narrative that just shows the feelings of the witer ya know written in the flow of that moment but do tell me if it will sound better as a story but again i did not intended it.

ExOmelas says...

there's a category for "Other" that might work. this is the kind of stuff in there

Awru says...

Thanks that will do

Liberty says...

I was about to say you could put it in Articles, but Other seems like the best fit. ^~^

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13 Reviews

Points: 331
Reviews: 13

Sun Sep 01, 2019 11:38 pm
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Riellehn wrote a review...

I would like to start by saying that this has the beginnings of something good. In fact, I feel as though I recognize the type of writing this is; not necessarily a story, but something that needs to be written down for others to see. It just screams that you yourself have felt these feelings. With that being said, I'm going to try and provide advice for this piece and future pieces like it.

Firstly, as the others who have reviewed this have said, this doesn't really feel like a story; there really isn't a setting, the characters are almost entirely absent, and while I can understand what is being said, the message can be presented in a fashion that has narrative. Personally, I usually use the concepts of 'the Beast' and 'the Knight' to represent ideas, and in your case you have used the sky and ground as representations of growing attached to someone, only to be forgotten. If you wanted to make this a full fledged short story, with characters and a setting and such, you could make the idea of that growing friendship (or something more) as them climbing to the skies together; only for one to push the other back down once they reach the clouds. Just advice, of course; you can use different concepts if you want to. Just have these characters move about in this setting, use symbolism; just make sure what you're trying to convey can still be understood.

Past that, just a couple nitpicks. In paragraph five, third sentence, "they forgot" is repeated twice; not sure if that's a typo or not? If not, it does need to be broken up by punctuation. Also, a suspicious lack of spaces after commas.

If I seemed harsh, I do apologize. The feelings behind this have the potential to create something great, and the most difficult part will be putting those feelings into a story.

Awru says...

Thanks a loott for the review

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302 Reviews

Points: 18713
Reviews: 302

Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:38 pm
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Liberty wrote a review...

Hiya Awru!

Hope you're doing well today or tonight, depending on what side of the world you're on, obviously. I'm here to give you a review! Let's get started, now shall we? Alright! Let's push this piece out of the Green Room. ;)

Okay, so I love your word choice here, first of all. The words really pop out, and have great means that are emotional and touch your reader's heart. (It touched mine, I don't know about others!) The way you've spread out the paragraphs is pretty well done! *claps*

Just one real quick thing: you posted this story as a short story, but it doesn't really seem as if it's quite... a story, ya know? Maybe if you added something like, she had the fight with whoever "them" is and then she goes to her room and thinks all this. Something like that. It can be any other idea you get, it doesn't necessarily have to be the idea I randomly came up with. :)

Again, you did a really good job with this, and I hope to see more from you soon! I hope this review helped, and of course, if you've got any questions, feel free to ask me whenever!

And as always...

Keep on writing!



Awru says...

Thanks :D

Liberty says...

Sure thing! ;)

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746 Reviews

Points: 46371
Reviews: 746

Sun Sep 01, 2019 9:17 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...

Hey there, I'm kicking off RevMo by getting stuck into the Green Room!

So, the format of this is somewhat confusing. It's not exactly a story, though there are some events implied. I get the idea of doing this, of like, nothing happening in real time, just revealing past events, but without a tangible scene to focus on, it can feel abstract reading something like this. For example, there could be a character sitting in a room looking at an object, and that object could give them some memories. Then you have the character interact with the object, and it sparks off different memories. Then often this ends with some symbolic gesture, for example making the decision to get rid of a gift given by a false friend.

This would also give more of a sense of character. I get a very clear idea of this character's emotions, but I don't really know who they are as a person or why I should be invested in them. Is this person often angry, often scared, often excited etc? One fun thing about reading is getting to identify with characters and immersing yourself. When I don't know much about the character, it's hard to identify with.

I actually don't, for some reason, feel like I need to know what actually happened. There are certain things that I enjoy being implied rather than outright stated, and for some reason the implication of an argument works like that for me - it's just again that it's an issue I don't know how to invest in the argument happening at all.

This stuff aside, you pick an interesting subject. It can be really hard to stop yourself from trusting people who claim to be sorry, especially when it would be good to have people in your life you can trust. You are very emphatic about the strength of these emotions, and I can feel that impact well.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)

Awru says...

Thanks for the review

I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters.
— Solomon Short