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Young Writers Society



The Journey to Nevercross - Chapter 07

by AwesomeSauce


Human, we have a problem. Neon is actually missing from last night. I know I said this to you before, but that time I was panicking! Are you even listening to me, human? What are you staring at? Oh, the window. I guess the view in the morning is very majestic, with the sun rising from the east, it brings a relaxing atmosphere. Human, what are you doing?! Great, you opened the window. Please don’t open the window; we’re in the middle of the cold season you know. Now the gush of wind touches my face, making my face freeze. Human, shut the window already! Thank you, it took you long enough!

That noise, someone has been here before. Human, stop staring at me and come along, we have to go to Neon’s room. Not that way, this way! Okay, to clear things up in your mind, I’m going in the secret passage to everyone’s room, it’s like rabbit holes. The maids and butler’s use this hole to get there on time if they’re running late, as do I! Even though I’m the advisor of the King, this hole will help me, help us in fact, to get where we need to go. Now, bend down and follow me. Human, you look distressed; did you hit your head? Silly you, I told you to bend down no didn’t I? Follow me.

It’s rather dark along these passage ways, isn’t it? Clap your hands. Don’t stare at me as if I’m insane, just clap your hands. Ah, there they are; the fireflies! You see, if you clap your hands in the dark, you’ll get at least two fireflies to guide you through it. Pretty, isn’t it? Notice they all glow different colours, well that’s because these guys glow you favourite colour. If you don’t understand, human, just look at yours. I didn’t know that was your favourite colour, mines white. Okay, we have to keep walking, onward and upward, human.

Wait, something seems different. There’s this sent in the air here, as if someone’s been here before. No human, it wasn’t us servants of the palace. It seems different, like Rose Nectar. What is it human? Really, Neon’s favourite drink is Rose Nectar? I never knew that. Hold on, there’s also something else here. Look below you, human. Why are you complaining now? Just point where you want the light and they will come. There, is that better? Anyway, do you see footprints? Let’s follow them.

You might want to watch your head; the hole seems to get rather smaller up here. Wait, there’s wind in a hole? Human, I believe we have found a secret exit. Come on, it’s just a little more forward. What do you know, it’s the stables. Human, you might want to watch your step because there’s a large gap here. Why are you still in the hole for? Just jump down, it’s not that high up! Look, I know the hole is in the roof and all, but just jump! Trust me! There, see? It wasn’t bad, was it?

Take a look around for some clues, human. Don’t touch that, that’s for the ants here. Speaking of the ants, they seem to be off numbered. You just stand next to that stable there while I count, alright? Okay, one, two three…Human, please stop petting the ant, they get to over excited. Anyway, four, five, six, seven…There’s only seven! Wait, one of the ants are missing, along with one of the carriages!

Neon has taken them!

The cold air touches my face as the carriage passes yet another house, the common Frey waving at us. A thick layer of snow has blocked our way; the white stuff is always thick and fluffy at this time of year. Its sending chills throughout my body, Minx and Hugo are covered in their long coats but me. They didn’t bother getting my coats and stuff, lousy companions they are. I sigh, watching my breath appear in the air. It’s a cold season.

I glare at Minx, “Why didn’t you bring my coat for? I’m freezing!” I pull my knees to my chest, feeling the cart go faster, “Hugo, can I borrow one of yours?”

He nods, handing the reins to me, “Guide the ant for a minute while I go to the bags?”

I nod, grabbing them, “At least he gives up his stuff for me…”

Minx groans, “I said I was sorry, Mistress. I don’t have any other coats besides this one! I told you that!”

“Oh, really?” I roll my eyes, “That’s great….Really great…”

She huffs, “If you weren’t so impatient all the time, maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation!”

“Oh, I’m impatient?! You won’t stop complaining about how this is a bad idea!”

“It is! You shouldn’t go after your sister, that’s the guard’s job!” She looks ahead, “Any Frey would know that…”

I roll my eyes once more, “What will they do? Walk up to Zemcarla and demand Redia back?!” I glare at the road ahead, “He never listens, he only knows how to makes things worse!” A tap on my shoulder stop my next remark, Hugo handing me a coat. It’s a nice one too, a woollen thick coat that is aqua in colour.

He goes back to guiding the carriage, chuckling, “Neon is right though, Minx. It’s easier this way.”

“What?! Why?!” She looks at him uncertain, “This whole ordeal is uncanny!”

He laughs, “Yeah, but it keeps us out of the castle a little, doesn’t it?”

The ride was silent from that statement.

We entered a secret little community of the South, people all running up to us. Their cheerful faces are a lot different from any other I have ever seen, it looks as if they haven’t got a worry in the world. I smile, waving to the lot of them. They seem like a friendly bunch of people.

We ride to one of the accommodations they have here. It’s just a cute little cottage, nothing fancy at all. Its straw made roof is covered in snow, icicles dangling off the windows. Two merry Fry were waving at us as we neared, the man is a Pixie and the woman is an Elf I believe. Such a nice couple too, the country side of the South are all nice people. I prefer them over the Frey in the South centre, these guys are just so casual and easy going, it’s hard to imagine them every arguing.

Okay, stop staring at me like that. All I suggested to the King was that I could go after her and he said yes, so why are you staring at me like that? Oh! Do you want to come? Well, I suppose you can come, but you might need a new change of clothes, your clothes aren’t…Frey type enough, if you get what I’m saying.

The night has fallen, leaving the never ending pour of snow on the ground. Why does it always have to snow in the cold season for? Nothing ever comes out of it anyway, it causes too many problems. My father says that one of the problems are the crops, they never grow in the winter. Speaking of him, he should be furious about all of this. I find it amusing; I could just imagine him crying over me. He would be hunching over, nose to the floor, sobbing my name; that would be a funny thing.

I shake my head, getting that thought out of my mind for a minute. I notice that inside this place is very cosy, like a fluffy ball or something. It just feels too homey. There are two beds on one side of the room; the other side has a couch. Pictures of this family are all over the walls, and to be honest, they’re starting to scare me. Their happy faces staring down on the people here, it brings an unsettling atmosphere. Other than that, the fire looks very nice. The flames themselves just bounce off the burnt wood, bringing warmth to the room.

I clear my throat, gaining Hugo’s and Minx’s attention. I clap my hands together, “We can’t go with these clothes.”

“What are you on about?” Hugo raises a brow.

“What I mean is, we need to look like the common Frey. People don’t go around looking like us, you know.”

Mix nods, “True, but where are we going to get the clothes from?”

I thought for a moment. Who is close to my in my family besides the people I live with? Who’s close here? Wait, I know, “Daisy.”

“Who?”

I sigh, rubbing my neck, “My cousin. She’s the princess of the East. She’s a real country Frey.” I chuckle, “We set of tomorrow.”

Well, I hope my cousin will accept my visit. She usually does, but I just hope she doesn’t go all country on Hugo and Minx. They have never met her before, so I wonder what it’ll be like.


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User avatar
303 Reviews


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Sun Feb 24, 2013 6:32 am
StoneHeart wrote a review...



Ohkay, a mythical world. Nice.

Your style is . . . very strange, I liked how you started the story, with that kind of P.O.V, it was impressive, and a first for me.

It's a bit hard to follow though, and if it has problems, they're difficult to pick out.

I don't get what the ant's are doing in here . . . and I'm really feeling how this is the seventh chapter and I haven't read the rest of it . . . I need to read the rest of it to be able to critic on where you could use details and stuff.

I don't really like it that there are NO names, it messes me up.

And the 'she' the story is about seems to be a bit . . . bratty?

I should really read the rest of this before reviewing.

But, good work, your grammar was good. The beginning part was unique, and I am wanting to go back and figure out what happened back there that I missed out on . . .

Keep Writing!!!




AwesomeSauce says...


Heh, you have to read it from the beginning to understand. It will make more sense that way.
Thanks though!



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378 Reviews


Points: 3775
Reviews: 378

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Sat Feb 16, 2013 9:18 pm
Omni wrote a review...



Here to review!

This will be a short one, as I'm not into reviewing much anymore with the overhaul that is SB right now, but I promised to review this, so review I will!

Once again, I like how you give some more personality to the narrator, giving him/her the position of the adviser to the king. This time, though, you give some personality to the person, which I'm assuming you want to be the reader!

I don't see much wrong with the grammar.

I really like the way you are doing this story, I hope this chapter is the way you will write the rest of your chapters, for it is the best one yet.

Just thinking, I hope that Neon and the narrator, reader meets up with each other. I think it will be awesome. I want to see where this goes!

This chapter is much better than the rest, taking your time checked out, apparently.

I hoped this helped,
Omniyus.




AwesomeSauce says...


Thanks!




"In my contact with people I find that, as a rule, it is only the little, narrow people who live for themselves, who never read good books, who do not travel, who never open up their souls in a way to permit them to come into contact with other souls -- with the great outside world."
— Booker T. Washington, Up From Slavery