Some Days

Hey Tuck! Here as requested! - Let's get to the review:

So overall my interpretation of the poem is that it's about a speaker who is reflecting on how some days they really struggle - with heartbreak, anger, and lonliness - these moods cause them to want to lash out at themselves and at the emptiness in the world- reflected through a series of bodily focused images, culminating on the last three lines that they do thins because they desire "to never breathe this bitter air again". I think a lot of people will find that mood of the poem relateable - and it has clear focus all the way through.

One of this poem's real strengths is how clean it is - it follows a predictable pattern/formula of presenting a different bodily reaction, tying it to an emotion, and giving a short explanation - that makes the poem easy to read, understand, and follow - and I don't think that the poem was at a length where the repetition quite got boring at the end, so all of that's a positive.

One issue, I think is that a few of the images you used are a bit predictable, and have been used before in countless poems and writing - starting with stanza one with the "I want to rip my heart out to avoid heartbreak" - it's certainly be said before, possibly even in that very combination of words that you use. I found "punch a hole in the wall" and "scream into the void" to be other used images that just seem far too familiar - like I've seen it and read it before, so much that the images almost are placeholders for a narrative rather than a story in themselves. I recommend if you're going to use those images to do a little twist or extension on them - either by drawing the image out in an unexpected way (ie. adding more imagery - like talking about veins with the heart, or giving the words that are screamed) or tying it to a new metaphor.

I think that in stanza 3 you actually do a nice extension beyond the typical image by adding "the only place / where I can find / a listening ear" - I hadn't thought of it in that way before, and that added a nuance to the imagery. Your final stanza I thought was the strongest one, and had multiple levels of imagery as well as a completely new image.

Another area that I'd like to see a little extension is in the specificity of conflict - right now there are themes of loneliness, anger, depression, and heartache, and it's almost too many different threads - I think the poem might hit a little stronger emotionally if I could tell what is causing the speaker's anger or heartache - some detail that goes a bit deeper into the root of their emotion - or a more streamlined story. I do like that you tackle multiple emotions in one piece, but it's also important to balance having a single narrative line even in the complexity of emotion and story.

I think an interesting element of this poem is also the repetition of "some days" some days some days - implying that there are days when the speaker doesn't feel like this, and yet in the poem itself that's the only perspective that we hear from - I think that might be an interesting element to engage in too - to engage a line of hope or even just the internal acknowledgement of the ups and downs of life.

Overall, the poem is really neat and tidy - and tackles heavy themes with some nuance - I think it could use a bit more originality as far as the images you use, and could dig a bit deeper into the emotional narrative.

Thanks for sharing your poetry! And feel free to let me know if you had any questions or thoughts about my review.

- alliyah

Heya, Tuckster, Casanova here to do another review for you upon request, so let's get to it.

The first thing I would like to say that this is better image wise than the previous one, which I appreciate a lot. Although it's an absolute image(it's a literal matter that could be used as imagery) I actually like the way that it looks and the way that it flows, so I'll give you a thumbs up for that. anyway, onward.

The next thing is pretty much this- The I statements. Don't get me wrong, this works pretty well as your basic narrative, it really does, but I can see this as much more. I can this going far beyond the average narrative which would just lie there and decay in your other works. So, my advice would be to brush this up. Your first stanza is by your strongest, and then your third stanza is by far your weakest. I would expand on the imagery in the first one, and then cut some from the third one and incorporate the other ones into it, and keep it a three idea poem, instead of the four. Although if you're going to keep it as the four, I would suggest strengthening the images in stanza three and expanding on the first part of it(you can do a lot of imagery and story telling just based off the word- void. imagine the amount you could do- an entirely new world, a depressed world, a darkness, etc that you could expand on and keep going to make it a stronger image instead of tossing one of your best out in the trash).

Anyway, I think this is a good idea and I would like to see it brushed up, thanks for sharing.

Sincerely, Casanova

Hey!
This poem is so well written that I could easily interpret your aggressive thoughts. The anger is shown on ownself by hurting ownself so that they could offset the previous hurting by others. Also, I liked your third stanza as it gives proper explanation of your dark aggression as it explains you don't find anyone genuine to listen to your sadness.
I would like to notify you that I didn't find and relation with dark to lungs burning up.. Dark only represents cold terrors..so here is where I cant give a thought.
Rest,
Well done work!

Regards
Mohit

Hello! Liminality here for a review.

1.) I like how you've organised this poem here: the even stanzas convey the sense of a steady, torturous sort of suffering which reflects the subject matter well, and I think your line breaks are well-placed - they make the piece seem fluid to me.

2.) Likewise, I think having each stanza begin with "some days I . . . " was a good choice, as it also reflects the subject matter by creating that sense of repetitive pain.

3.) You have some unique imagery here and there, for instance being able to find a "listening ear" in the "void". This one stood out to me because it was more unexpected than the others.

4.) Some of the imagery I think could be improved, for example, "rip my bleeding heart . . . heartbreak" seems a bit redundant and cyclical. I think "heartbreak" could be replaced by something else.

5.) Lastly, this is just an idea I'd suggest: maybe having a repeating motif for your poem could make it feel more cohesive. While the subject matter does come across well, and I get the sense that you're trying to express emotional pain through the body (heart . . . punching . . . lungs), perhaps linking some ideas, in particular, the "bitter air" from the last stanza, to those in other stanzas could help tie the poem together.

Overall, this was an interesting emotional piece, and I thought it was well done, with just some room for extra polishing here and there. Hope you find these comments helpful, and keep writing!

Deep. This poem was well named because we all feel like that some days. I could feel the time and effort you put into this poem and it has paid off. It is really good! I can relate to it on a spiritual level. I do think some of the lines would be better if you used different words, though. For example:

some days I want to
run through the dark
until my lungs burn up

Instead of run you could have a bit more descriptive, like jog, dash, sprint, hurry. etc
But that's just my own personal habit and I don't mean that bit of criticism in an aggressive or rude way.

Overall, I think this was amazing and I loved every line of it. I hope you write more poetry because this was awesome! And it flowed very well when I read it out loud.

-JadeLotus