Pen pricks
Against my veins
Pen pricks
Against my brain
Pen pricks
Scratch the page
Pen pricks
Shake my cage
Pen pricks
Become silly, inane
Pen pricks
Slowly drive me insane
Pen pricks
Were once my release
Pen pricks
Are now my disease
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139,359 Literary Works • 672,540 Reviews
Hi, Tuckster! Atlas here to give your poem, Pen Pricks a quick review. All of my statements are mere suggestions, so feel free to completely disregard them if you'd like. On to the review!
I really like this piece. It's short and sweet, but it manages to effectively deliver it's purpose. I absolutely loved the flow of the poem, as well.
As for grammar and syntax, I couldn't find any glaring issues. Great job!
The only real issue I had with this piece is I struggled with the repetition of the phrase "pen pricks." The repetition messed with my brain a little, and by the second read through, I was seeing "pin pricks" instead of "pen pricks." I don't think you should change anything though, because I feel the repetition is an integral aspect of the poem.
Again, you did a wonderful job on this piece! I loved everything about it.
Thanks again, and keep writing!
~Atlas
Thanks so much for the review!
I really like how the repetition of "Pen pricks", as well as the rhyming scheme, accentuates the rhythm of this poem.
The poem is simple, but powerful, and I think you did a great job capturing the essence of your emotion. The use of powerful language like "inane, insane, and disease" really pull through on the less is more feel. (I hope that makes sense)
Great job!
I really like how the repetition of "Pen pricks", as well as the rhyming scheme, accentuates the rhythm of this poem.
The poem is simple, but powerful, and I think you did a great job capturing the essence of your emotion. The use of powerful language like "inane, insane, and disease" really pull through on the less is more feel. (I hope that makes sense)
Great job!