Hungry?

wow... this is like... what every writer dreams of saying to someone. I feel as though this maybe very famous one day.
please don't ever stop coming up with such beautiful work like this.
my mother once told me that sometimes the shortest work that we make. and don't spent much time thinking on. could very will be our best work.
PLEASE DON'T STOP WRITING BEAUTIFUL THINGS LIKE THIS.

wow... this is like... what every writer dreams of saying to someone. I feel as though this maybe very famous one day.
please don't ever stop coming up with such beautiful work like this.
my mother once told me that sometimes the shortest work that we make. and don't spent much time thinking on. could very will be our best work.
PLEASE DON'T STOP WRITING BEAUTIFUL THINGS LIKE THIS.

Hello there AriannaC!
It’s Selina from DoubleRiders here to review your work. I haven’t reviewed in a while... okay maybe a couple years... so I’m a bit rusty, forgive me.
First I would like to state that I tapped your poem because I was actually hungry, and after reading it I’m not really anymore!

I read and agreed with the previous reviewers. I can see that the piece is very creative, but creativity without basic foundations of poetry doesn’t really catch the eye of the reader. Modern poetry has seemed to be more geared towards more ‘creativity’ and less actually rhythm, rhyming etc. I can see why, because old poems were often just written about love, and who wants to read about sappy love stories 24/7?! But the modern poetry has gone to the other extreme and has so much creativity that it lacks basic principles. A truly good piece of poetry would meet in the middle somewhere...

My thoughts on improving is to make your poem come in stanzas, try to rhyme a few words and make the sentences flow. Your poetry has potential, but I feel that it just needs some foundation. This would be more of a thing I would read in a diary, than in a poetry book.
Cool idea though.
I also agree with soundofmind that my first thought was zombies...

I hope this helped! Keep writing and discovering the fun in poetry when you mix creativity with poetry rules!! That is truly art.

~ Selina from DoubleRiders

Hey Arianna!

So on first read, this doesn't really feel like a standalone piece, but from an experimental/artistic standpoint, I feel like I sort of get what you're trying to go for here - but not entirely. Conceptually, it's an interesting premise. With "brains" as the first offer of food that we see, my first thought was instinctively "zombies," but that's kind of shot down when the speaker offers emotion on the side.

I think this has a lot of potential to turn into a bigger piece. It feels like some sort of ominous message you would hear as a character waking up in some sort of video game. Like it's a small part of a much bigger story. I think because of the amount of questions that it raises at the moment and the fact that the metaphor feels unclear (along with the ellipses at the end) it feels kind of unsatisfactory in its conclusion. At least, that's how it feels for me.

I guess I'm also curious what your intention was behind the metaphors, because I have vague impressions, but I'm not really able to nail anything down for sure. I guess, what I would assume this is alluding to is that whoever is waking up is feeding off of the other person emotionally, intellectually, etc. As if the person waking them with the "good morning" is the only one with the answers to the "unknown" that they're waking up to. It does sound a bit like an unhealthy relationship though - since the speaker sounds like they're wishing for the person waking up to be forever dependent on them for "food."

I do kind of wish it was clearer what the context is for this piece though. I think if you fleshed that out that might make the metaphor clearer, and more meaningful/impactful.

It's a little hard to comment more on it because it's so short, but if you want to continue discussing your piece feel free to reply to this review! I'm always open to answering specific questions you may have about your piece or just hearing what your thoughts were behind it when you wrote it!

Keep writing!
-soundofmind

Hi there @AriannaC I am here to do a review on your poem.

the meaning to this
okay this is very confusing to me I ma not really shier were your going with this, I don't really get it, also it seems very short to me,

You were asleep so long I wasn't sure you'd wake up.

How about some scrambled brains with a side of fresh emotion?

we could always juice words out of my heart to satisfy your thirst for knowledge.

I hope it stays that way.