Centuries and centuries ago, lived an ancient society called the ‘Mashk Collicters’. This means Mask Collectors. They were very popular in their village. Every fortnight the people of the society would show-off their newly collected masks. One day, a very bad mask was found, it held demon powers, to whoever wore it. After that, the Mashk Collicters group was told never to collect masks again, as people thought that they were in danger.
Years afterward, one very cheeky girl thought that it would be okay to wear it. She had not been very scared of these things. So one night she crept over, and very carefully took it from its locked cabinet and ran.
The next morning, she tried it on, oh what a big mistake! The mask had taken control of her whole body, and so she went on a killing spree. So many of the villagers were dead after a few days; a local scientist decided to make something. A mask holding good powers. He spent two days straight making this mask.
After that, he tracked down the location of this girl, and battled her. He used his powers to knock her to the ground. She immediately got up and did the same thing to him. They were like this for ages until finally; he used his last bit of energy to remove the mask from her.
The girl ran away, with the mask in her hand. Apparently she went off to kill more people in different villages. Or she went to a place that nobody could find her…
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125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Dude
This doesn't make sense at all.
centuries and centuries what lived I read it three times then finally realize you meant the society itself but then you refer to it as the which is completely misleading and makes no sense. And did you mean collectors? did you mean mask? Because that name is odd as.
I actually loled.
It was awkward because there are people in the room.
Well that escalated quickly.
ages...
I love eight year old you.
hmm.. this seems sort of like Other Fiction instead. I think that it's nice!
Well when you talk about the scientist, I think it would sound more... epic... to say something like, "he worked for two days without a single wink of sleep," and then the very ending is a little bit vague, but it's still good.
It was art homework, why I posted it here? I really don't know, it was fiction. I put it it Historical Fiction because it was set in the past. So there you go =)
I think I am going to add more to it though. Because when you post it, at first you don't really think of this. Anyway, thanks for the comments, both of you!
Hi PenNPaper here to review!
This story is way too short, nice cliffhanger ending there though.
Okay this is just suggested(no pressure), I find that this whole story could be elaborated, it seems very dull and boring(sorry if I seem harsh), add in dialogue, feelings, actions, describe the setting, thoughts...and etc..so that's all more the suggested stuff and all that, hope you would take my advice(that is, if you want to), and re-write this. I would be more than glad to review it, just PM me.
Good luck and keep writing1
#BF0000 ">Valentine
This leaves me thinking quietly. I wonder why this in historical fiction. This is much more real than fiction. I confused as to why you wrote this. Was it to warn against demons. It seemed to too simple to be a exercise for descriptions and there was no dialogue. I wonder if you just wanted something to put on here, or was it an idea that was just making your head explode so you put it down on paper.
I am troubled as to what to say. There is very little there to say, except that is seemed like a summary of a story, and not the story itself. Maybe if you made it more dramatic, and enticing; make the reader feel tempted by the mask as the girl is. Try and act is out.
#BF0000 ">Valentine