The rain pours
And still it goes.
And though the thunder can at times be frightening
When it screams in the dead of night,
And the lightning hurts our eyes,
Storms are merely the disturbance
Of the normal conditions of the atmosphere—
The trembling drops like a sort of ballet—
Soft, graceful, sweet.
But leaping, soaring, spiraling, and then –
Cloudburst.
But always, the sky clears,
The drops stop,
The sun rises,
And the rays kiss the wet Earth.
And it is a good morning.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,836 Reviews
Hey AngieCandy. I adore this verse, in personal perspective it explains the way life can have its storms and happy endings.this verse is the perfect explanation for that. I like the way i can read that into my own mind.....It shows the silver lining to every cloud, that when the rains goes away the sun comes out and I like the idea of that and how you've written it so well.
i hope you post more of you work.
Hey. Great poem.
I don't normally talk about this, unless I feel like it's important. For you it's important.
Theme/Message: (What I don't normally talk about in my reviews) Anyway, I like your theme or message of this poem. You're basically saying that no matter what happens the sun will always rise. Like in a storm, it clears up, and out pops the sun.
That's what I got from it, and I'm really glad you got that idea for your poem.
Personally I love poetry. I read poetry on YWS more than I read books on YWS, but enough talk about me, let's talk about your poem...
My favorite line was...
This was my favorite quote, because I just sounds lovely and nice. I like how you said that...
Overall, I loved the whole poem, and what it gave me. Poems can teach you lessons, and morals. I thought your moral/theme/message for this poem was fantastic...
Keep up the great writing,
Love,
Dogs <3
Hi AngieCandy, Felistia here with a quick review on this wonderful day.
Quick note: Since this is a short poem my review is going to be a bit short too.
Theme: I really like the theme you presented here with the storm and then it fading into a new day. It is a it of a cliché, but I think you pulled it off quite well. I do feel like the two beginning lines are a bit boring compared to the rest of the poem and that you do need to present a better hook so that readers get absorbed into the poem. The rest of the poem was beautiful though.
Description: I see that you did put in a lot of similes and description, but I do feel like the poem needs a bit of colour here and there on the shorter lines.
Grammar and Punctuation: As for the grammar and punctuation, I think you nailed it.
Small suggestions: The only real suggestion is I would maybe expand on the poem a bit, because it just feel so short and there could be a lot more description and emotion. This is just a suggestion though.
Overall it was really nice poem and I look forward to more of your work. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.
Margo here for a review. Excellent work. Simple and effective. Your illustration of the passing of a storm is meant to represent the passing of a negative emotion. Storms pass and the sun comes out. Similarly, negative emotions pass, and sometimes result in a happier future.
I might suggest avoiding all of the 'ands.' It really isn't that distracting, but the work could be even sharper if they were omitted. Something like:
The rain pours; still it goes.
A frightening blast of thunder,
That screams in the dead of night.
It hurts our ears; the lightning hurts our eyes.
But the storms are merely a disturbance
Of the normal conditions of the atmosphere—
Trembling drops like a sort of ballet—
Soft, graceful, sweet.
Leaping, soaring, spiraling, and then –
Cloudburst.
Storms cease and skies clear.
Sun rays kiss the wet Earth.
It will be a good morning.
See if anything I edited appeals to you. Poems are finicky things in that everyone has a different idea about what sounds and looks nice. I thought your poem was genuine and clearly written. Lovely work.
--MS
I'm not that much into poems but this is quite a nice poem.