12/20/15

It always seems cliché to say

'It feels like we've been together for so much longer'

When it's only been a couple of months

But looking into your eyes, tired and happy

After we’ve made love

I stop trying to measure us by the ticking clock

That cuts into the moments that mark our relationship.

The concept of time falls short when I think of us.

I think of our first kiss-- we'd been so nervous

We sat in your car as the 6 o' clock mid-October sun streamed through the windows and painted us bold.

You put your arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer so that my head rested on yours

I felt your lips lightly kiss the top of my head

Which gave me the confidence I'd lacked to kiss your cheek and look up at you, suddenly a little less bold

My mouth trembled shyly and your gaze was hard to hold, but still you leaned in and softly reassured me with your lips and still we kissed more.

I remember how you smiled afterwards and said,

'Sorry... I couldn't help myself any longer'.

I think about this when you smile.

I remember the moment I knew how much you meant to me,

except it wasn't ever really just a moment, but more like realizing the answer after finding these feelings inside yourself like clues that I was too close to or too far away to notice what they were adding up to and then what I saw was that

I couldn't stand the thought of not being with you.

We'd laid together on your bed after it all

And held each other and soon, you were asleep and before I was too, I couldn't help but to be struck by the quiet beauty of your sleeping face.

The unapologetic take-me-as-I-am of your naked chest and open embrace had never been more peaceful, more comfortable or genuine,

And found that this,

Was my happy place.

I don't want to measure us in time, whether that's the time we've had together or the time we have left,

I don't want to measure us in moments, because they end and I need something that transcends time and other clichés

To express

Us.

We're Happy--

And sad--

Kind of cheesy--

So beautiful--

And always warm.

And above all,

We’re something I'll always remember and never regret.