E - Everyone

Not Yet Titled

PreviousNext

In the beginning, everything is simple.

All experiences are new and welcome. Everything is shiny and wondrous, yet still attainable because there is nothing you can't reach. The sky is not so high, just another goal. The dark of night is not something to fear, but something to admire when the sun has gone away. After all, there’s still the moon.

Time passes.

The complexity and confusion start in. The experiences become dull and recycled. The luster is gone and hope is a thing for fools. 

Still, you are one of those fools. 

You welcome the night and its darkness because you have to believe that another day is coming. But another day in this pit seems an eternity too many- so you hate the night. 

The moon is a mocking orb that illuminates your faults in a worse way than the sun, because there is nothing to distract you from the hollow dark, and the deep recesses within yourself, that in vain, you try to conceal and suppress.

It all comes back up, fresh and raw, just like it does every other night.

The sounds of your weeping echo like a heavy symphony in a grand concert hall - reaching, intensifying, crashing and, finally, subsiding.

But there is no audience.

No one is watching.

No one is listening.

Your concert hall is a corner; 

your symphony, a hoarse whisper

of things hoped for and failures lamented since.

Comments & reviews · 3
Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.

I loved reading this. Although I'm relatively very new to this site, this is one of the good ones that I've read so far. The way in which you've expressed everything is actually verygood. The thought that you wanted to convey are made very clear and easily understandable. The language used is also good and the flow of the poem has not been broken anywhere according to me. This is a very deep poem and a teeat to read.
Overall, all the best!
Keep Writing.
Cheers!

Thank you!! :) I really appreciate it! @LiteraryAdmirer99 !

User avatar
CreepyMeow Review

I enjoyed reading this. I just joined YWS but i am already amazed by how many creative people already are here. I think reading this we all felt that you wrote this with loads of emotions, and by doing so you transferred it to us - readers. You portrayed your thought really good, and for that i congratulate you. Love it.

Thank you so much @CreepyMeow ! I was feeling a lot at the time that I wrote it, and I'm really glad that others can see that, also :)

User avatar
BookWolf
Review

Wow... this is a brilliant, deep, passionate poem, if I can call it that. This is truly amazing and I find myself locked in almost immediately. You are a great writer. But there are a few mistakes I noticed.

Everything is shiny and wondrous yet still attainable, because there is nothing you can’t reach.

I think this might be like "Everything is shiny and wondrous, yet still attainable because there is nothing you can't reach."

The dark of night is not something to fear but something to admire when the sun has gone away.

Like this "The dark of night is not something to fear, but something to admire when the sun has gone away." You just forgot the comma after fear.

The moon is a mocking orb that illuminates your faults in a worse way than the sun because there is nothing to distract you from the hollow dark and the deep recesses within yourself that in vain you try to conceal and suppress.

Like this "The moon is a mocking orb that illuminates your faults in a worse way than the sun, because there is nothing to distract you from the hollow dark, and the deep recesses within yourself, that in vain, you try to conceal and suppress." You just missed a few commas.


Over all, this was a really great and awesome poem. I loved reading it and I look forward to looking at something else you've written.

Keep writing!

~BookWolf

Thank you @BookWolf! :) Agh I call myself a Grammar Nazi, I can't believe I missed those freakin' commas! I wanted it to have a sort of dramatic, slam poetry feel. I really appreciate the constructive criticism as well as the compliments on my writing ability :)

I implemented your suggestions! thank you!!



It's not nice to roast people when they're out of comebacks.
— Atticus