z

Young Writers Society


16+

Werewolfing. 10

by AnarchyWolf


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Chapter 10

Please don’t tell Riley!” Elliot had pleaded, following Seb out of the bathroom with a towel pressed to the cut, “or Tiffany! Or… the small one.”

Juana,” Seb had grumbled, digging the first aid kid out of the bag left over from full moon. Through the turn of events, he hadn’t had the time or the will to unpack it.

Please!”

Seb had gestured to the towel, which was starting to leak blood. “I can’t really not tell them. They’ll be mad at me if you die in the night and I did’nt tell ‘em about it…”

“I won’t die. I’ve had worse, you know.” Seb had winced as Elliot pulled the bottom of his shirt up, exposing the criss-cross of scars, some thin, some thick, some star-shaped, that probably ran across his entire body like awful little galaxies.

Unwilling to argue anymore, Seb had shrugged and let the subject drop. He’s dropped down to sit beside Elliot and had tarted to clean up the cut, wrinkling his nose at the smell of the blood, and Elliot’s overall stink. Seb had felt Elliot tense up, probably afraid.

“So who’s this person -” Elliot paused, as if to focus more on not crying because of the antiseptic wipe, “- who’s going to take my tag away?”

“A werewolf doctor.” Seb said, roughly dragging the wipe over the wound, “she’s great. Stepped on a syringe when I was younger, and she fixed it. And, get this, her cover is a vet. A bloody vet. It’s great.”

“A vet, huh?” Elliot growled, voice strained. He looked as if he was regretting slashing his arm open. “So how long will it… take?”

“We should be there and back in a day. I mean, it’s just a microchip, right? We’ll bunk off of school tomorrow and take the bus.”

Elliot went quiet, “say, Seb. Could you-you do me a favour?”

“It depends,” Seb eyed him with suspicion.

“Don’t… tell the doctor I’m deaf.”

“Why not?” Seb asked, taken aback by his own frankness, “sorry. I mean, I won’t tell her, but why? It’s nothing to be ashamed of, you know.”

“People just treat me differently if they find out. I hat it.”

“I won’t tell her.”

“And you won’t tell Riley?”

“No.”

“What about Tiffany?”

“Good God, Elliot. I won’t tell them just so long as you go and have a shower now.”

“Thank you.”

*

Seb and Elliot had slipped out the following morning like scheming housecats, silent and well-behaved and tipsy on nervousness. As soon as they rounded the corner, they took off towards the bus stop almost in unison, as if both of them were feeling the same cold-fanged fear. Seb counted down the minutes on his cracked iPhone as they sprinted the gaps between parked cars, their breath coiling up into the frigid air like smoke before an eruption.

Halting, covered in a sheen of sweat and seriously doubting the abilities of their deodorant, Seb panted like an out-of-shape racehorse as the bus groaned to a halt and the doors slid open. He gave the bus driver his card, and then picked a seat at the back of the bus, where they could watch for any sign of hunters and their alabastor-furred pitbulls.

He sat there for two and a half hours, driving North through drizzle and bus changeovers and inhaling the refreshingly nice smell of shampoo in Elliot’s hair. He played on his phone for a quarter of an hour, before queasiness forced him to reconsider.

After fifth changeover happened, Seb led the way down a Cheltenham backstreet. Cigarette butts lay drowned in the gutter outside of the vet’s practice. Stickers of various animals lined up on the windows - including a particularly wolfish silhouette, which eleven-year-old-Seb had been assured with a wink and a smile was in fact, a husky.

“It’s just in here,”

He pushed the door open and sidled inside. It was empty apart from one old woman and her parrot - had it just opened? - and too bright compared to the dreary grey-dark of the outside. Seb’s eyes stung as he rung the bell on the front desk, trying to figure out what on Earth to say - he couldn’t exactly chirp up with hello, I’ a werewolf and my family adopted a weirdo who was microchipped by a bounty hunter who wants to sell us all to the Black Market. Elliot loitered behind him as a shadow grew out of the doorway.

“Sebastian Sutton.” said a voice, “well, I’ll be damned.”

Seb peered up at a tall woman in a lab coat who registered somewhere in the depths of his head. “You remember?”

“I don’t forget faces, Sebastian,” the woman - Dr. Smith, if her nametag was to be believed - chuckled, smiling, “so, what brings you here? How’re Tiffany and Riley?”

“Oh, they’re fine, doing very well thank you. I’m here, well… it’s my… friend,” Seb hesitated with the words, lowering his voice. Were they friends? Strangers? Enemies? “He’s… Elliot, could you tell her?”

Nothing.

Seb turned around and repeated it, pointing to the bad arm and gesturing for Elliot to speak quietly. “Could you tell her what happened?”

Elliot nodded and put his injured arm on the countertop, showing her the haphazard bandage. “I -” he cleared his throat and tried again, “- I got caught and… chipped… by a hunter. It’s in my arm. Could you … get it out?”

“Please,” Seb added, pulling a few crumpled twenty pound notes from the pocket in his jeans, “I have money and everything, but we’re going to need to have it done today, and kind of quickly because -”

“Sebastian, it’s okay. I owe Riley and Tiffany, so you really don’t have to pay. Anyway, you’re just a kid - I don’t make kids pay.” She smiled at Elliot, reaching up to tie her hair back. “Come on, then. Let’s get that arm looked at.”

“Thank you!” Elliot grinned, following her into the bowels of the practice.

“Star!” Dr Smith hollered, rapping sharply on the staff room door. An Asian girl with piercings and bright red hair stepped out, chewing a biscuit with a toddler clinging to her legs. He was very obviously a werewolf - tufts of dark black hair stuck out of his skin at odd places, his eyes were full-on wolf, and he had claws on the ends of his fingers. Just like Juana, Seb smiled, following them further back.

The woman “Don’t let Joe out onto the front, yeah? Man the till - and take the parrot to Keith - until I get back? Call Dan if you need help.”

“Sure thing, boss.”

“Right, okay.” Dr Smith pointed to the X-ray machine that stood in the corner of the tiny room. It was bathed in harsh white light, a little bigger than Seb’s bedroom.

“Okay - sorry, what was your name?”

Seb elbowed Elliot in the ribs.

“Wh-what?”

“Your name?”

“Oh. Elliot.”

“Okay, Elliot. Just put your arm on here for me, okay?” she pointed and gingerly guided Elliot’s arm onto the machine. His eyes darted to Seb, desperate and pleading.

“It won’t hurt a bit, okay? Then we can start the surgery after we’ve done a tiny general health check…”


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325 Reviews


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Sun Sep 25, 2016 7:04 pm
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tigeraye wrote a review...



I enjoy the drama of this and the pacing in general -- it's very fast and exciting, and your style of writing commands the reader to be on edge, giving the feeling that any given moment something terrible is going to happen to these people. I also really love your attention to detail. As weird as it may sound, the description of Elliot's cut was probably my favorite thing about this chapter just because of how detailed it was -- gruesome, disgusting and morbid as a cut can get. I'd love to see you apply more of that same detail throughout the rest of the story.

“So who’s this person -” Elliot paused, as if to focus more on not crying because of the antiseptic wipe, “- who’s going to take my tag away?”

“A werewolf doctor.” Seb said


This would probably be my second favorite line. I find the dialogue and characters throughout to be really charming, but this in particular I just find funny for some odd reason.

The ending and beginning were particularly strong, especially the ending. It's not a blow-your-mind cliffhanger, but "tiny health check" could mean so many different things that it's actually a great hook to get readers into the next chapter. I also like that it's not just a tiny health check, it's a tiny health check. Excellent use of italicization to make all the difference in the world.

My advice is to keep doing what you're doing, it's pretty good.




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Wed Sep 21, 2016 3:19 pm
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Megrim wrote a review...



Look what I found in the green room! I find for your story it works really well for me to type as I read, so I'm just going to keep doing that unless I specify otherwise.

Why are the first several paragraphs in past perfect tense (all the hads)? You could probably just show it unfolding "in the moment" (ie, cut the hads). Past perfect makes the narrative feel more distant, like we're being told what happened after the fact rather than seeing it as it happens.

I'd also cut "probably"s--they're a red flag word, though not a major one. I understand they're usually there to indicate the POVC is speculating, and doesn't actually know. In some instances I think that's unneeded ("that probably ran across his entire body" -> "that ran across his entire body" - the meaning is clear enough), and in others the speculation itself isn't needed because it's telling where you've already shown ("probably afraid" - cut the whole phrase, just show it with the "he tensed" idea).

I don't like that he doesn't want him to tell the doctor that he's deaf. Anyone else, sure. But it's your doctor, dude! That could be REALLY important for all you know!

Also, he doesn't act very deaf. I completely forgot that fact until he brought it up. Maybe a few more comments about how he acts and speaks, to point out the differences?

I love "tipsy on nervousness."

Do they interact or talk at all on the bus ride? This would be a good quiet moment for characterization. Even if it's simply pointing out the fact that they *don't* talk.

Does Elliot speak sign language? Can he try to teach Seb? Did Seb ever pick any basics up from school or anything that he can try to use?

I really like this line:

including a particularly wolfish silhouette, which eleven-year-old-Seb had been assured with a wink and a smile was in fact, a husky.


I also love that they're at a vet's office, and I'm excited to keep reading. It's been a fun story so far! See you in the next chapter





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