z

Young Writers Society


16+

Werewolfing. 3

by AnarchyWolf


Warning: This work has been rated 16+.

Chapter Three

The sun had risen by the time Seb rolled onto his back and rubbed his eyes. He held his hands up in front of his face and smiled sleepily at them, quietly thrilled that they were no longer paws - as cool as being granted a wolf's body was, it was nice to have thumbs again. He rolled onto his other side, stretching in the warmth of weak autumn sunlight.

His eyes opened properly this time, glazed over and hazy but open nonetheless. He yelped and scrambled under the duvet as soon as his gaze fell onto the stranger - and he quickly tore it away again, heat rising in his face -, reaching for the pile of clothes on the floor.

The stranger was curled up tightly on the pillow as if he were still a wolf, with his back to Seb and the rest of the world. His ribs jutted sickeningly with every breath, each individual bone horrifyingly visible under a thin canvas of tanned, scarred skin. His spine looked as if it were about to burst from his back. His arms and legs were sticks, made only of wasting muscle and skin and covered in a dark, malnourished fuzz.

Now that Seb was wearing something at least - yesterday’s too-big T-shirt, and an old pair of tracksuit trousers -, he grabbed his blanket, the chewed up rag that lay on his bed and had an cheery embroidered kitten on it. He didn’t want to hazard a guess as to how old it was, or how many diseases it probably carried.

The wood groaned in protest as he began to push his full weight against the floor. His heart leapt in his chest like a skittish horse as he edged closer to the stranger, the floorboards creaking louder with every step closer. And of course every joint in his stiff feet started to pop and crackle while he went. Each inch was agonizingly slow progress, almost unnoticeable, until he was within an arm’s length of the slumbering beast. 

Beast? That’s a bit mean.

Seb leaned forward, positioning the blanket in the air before he dared to drop it. Come on, Sebastian. You can do this. Channel your inner alpha male. C’mon! He screwed his eyes shut, listened for a moment solely to the pounding of blood in his ears, and then let go of the blanket. It flopped in the air, coming to rest over the stranger’s hips.

He cringed backwards and froze.

Nothing.

The stranger didn’t even stir. A rather dark part of Seb wondered, almost unconcerned, if he was dead.

“’Bastian!” The door swung open, and Seb leaped away from the stranger. Juana toddled in like she did most mornings, claws hanging from her half-shifted hands. Rough wolf-fuzz muddied her face, and her fangs had grown in her mouth and poked out over her lips.

The stranger murmured something inaudible and turned over to face Seb and Juana, eyes half-open and staring dully. He jolted awake, scrambling up against the wall with a blood-curdling cry that died halfway through its arc.

Seb pushed Juana away gently. She was tense and unable to take her eyes away from the stranger. “Later, ‘kay Juana?”

She nodded faintly as Seb pushed the door shut and turned to the stranger. He’d since composed himself and grabbed a hoodie to cover his chest with, but not before Seb had spotted the spider’s web of scars that criss-crossed themselves across his body. They were bites, scratches, things that resembled bullet wounds. Some half-healed, some scars from years ago - and some looked as if they could've been delivered yesterday.

Seb tried not to recoil. “Um... Good morning?”

The stranger looked up at him unblinkingly, almost expressionless apart from what Seb could have sworn was the slight raising of an eyebrow.

“Okay, then... You can wear whatever you like,” he gestured to the wardrobe, “and come down for breakfast whenever you’d like... I mean, sooner rather than later, right? And then...” Seb trailed off when he got no kind of response.

He tried again. “Do... Do you even have a name?”

Nothing.

“Okay. I’ll, uh, be downstairs...” Seb sidled from the room like an awkward fourteen-year-old, taking the stairs three steps at a time. He passed through the crowded second floor, where Juana’s clothes and toys lay strewn over the carpet, and then down to the cool, cramped kitchen. Riley, Tiffany, and Juana were already eating.

“’Bastian!” Juana squealed, throwing milk and sodden grain over the table in some strange expression of glee.

“Good morning, Juana,” he smiled, before he turned on Riley and Tiffany.

“What the hell were you thinking? He’s a... He doesn’t talk. He just sits there and stares at you! And he’s just covered in scars, I bet he’s some weirdo who picks fights or something... And you just invited him in and gave him my room!”

Riley looked up from toast, her hair wild and sticking up in all directions like dry straw. “He was hurt and alone. You know the full moon does funny things to our heads. He could’ve gotten himself killed,”

“I have bite marks on my tailbone because of him!”

“You scared him.” Tiffany said, “good lord, Seb. Give him a chance.”

“Hmph,” he huffed and snatched a piece of bread from the loaf in the middle of the table. He sunk down into a chair and laid his head in his arms, praying for God to smite him where he sat. No-one spoke.

Creaking on the stairs caught his attention. The stranger made his way down, the wood bending under the weight of a skeleton ghost as he drifted down. He’d chosen a t-shirt, a hoodie around his waist, and some loose jeans. His face was thin and wolfish, pale but olive-toned at the same time. Dark circles smudged under his eyes and accented his glare. He was a demon, a dark-eyed demon, that no-one had the sense to exorcise.

“Okay, well, I’m going out with Tanvi today, so...”

“You can take this young man with you,” Riley said, smiling at the stranger, “good morning. Feel free to eat whatever you like.”

He nodded without a smile and kept his demon-glare over them, gingerly reaching for a slice of bread. Seb turned his gaze away, pushing his chair away from the table and making for the front door.

“I’m going to meet Tanvi now, so if you want to come...” Seb grumbled, motioning to the front door. The stranger nodded and took one more piece of bread, chewing noisily on the bread as he followed.

Seb’s street was full of houses made of crumbling bricks, mismatched and off-kilter like crooked teeth in a broken jaw. The houses were all the same, like useless clones all the way up until the canal. On the other side of the canal were disused factories and tenacious weeds growing in the cracks in the concrete.

It was their favourite meeting place.

Tanvi sat on the grafittied wall, the stained one that stood between the canal and the path. She wore her favourite hoodie and leggings. Her dark hair was tied back in a loose plait and tucked over one shoulder.

“Hey, Seb.” there was no trace of India in her voice. She’d picked up a perfect British accent over the years. “Who’s this?”

The stranger gave his perfect, undisturbed demon-stare.

“This is the latest adoption. He doesn't say much...”

“Huh.” Tanvi smiled a little uncomfortably under the stare, “I’m Tanvi, and I’m Seb’s friend. I hope I can be yours too. What’s your name?”

Nothing. Seb had expected as much. The stranger turned away, leaning over the filthy water and gazing into it.

Seb looked from Tanvi to the stranger and sighed. He and Tanvi had been spending weekends together like this for years. They didn’t have to hide their wolves from each other - Seb didn’t have to fake humanity.

She gestured toward the derelict warehouses on the other side of the canal, less enthusiastically than usual.

“Shall we?”


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
264 Reviews


Points: 23295
Reviews: 264

Donate
Fri Sep 02, 2016 12:58 am
View Likes
Megrim wrote a review...



I'm a little unclear on how Seb feels about being a wolf. He didn't seem too bothered by his werewolfiness before, but this chapter starts with him thrilled that his hands aren't paws anymore. Does he like being a wolf? Does he wish he were human?

I feel bad for the poor, scarred stranger :( I'll bet he's been through a lot. I understand Seb's reaction, but I can't wait for him to soften and start gaining the newcomer's trust. I love the description when he comes down the stairs.

I'm totally on board with the general premise, but I just wish I had been more convinced on their reasoning for bringing him in. Maybe if he weren't introduced as so aggressive? If he were more fearful and cornered, as opposed to tackling Seb, chasing and biting him? Like, he could still bite him, but out of a fearful misunderstanding. That might make me feel more comfortable about them bringing him home.

Tanvi kind of came out of nowhere. I'm not sure that I really care, but thought I'd point it out--there's been no mention of her in Seb's thoughts or anything, and it felt like she came out the blue.

The ending of the chapter doesn't feel like much of an ending, exactly. It doesn't have a strong draw forward like the previous chapters. It feels more like a part 1, and maybe the next scene should still be in the same chapter?

I'm loving your descriptions. Some beautiful similies and word choices in there. I'd say that's definitely your strongest area.

See you next time!




AnarchyWolf says...


Thanks so much for reviewing :) Sorry for the lat reply - I've been travelling. You raise a lot of issues that I haven't really thought of, especially foreshadowing Tanvi's arrival, and the stranger. I'll be sure to work on it when I rewrite.

If you do continue to review and please don't feel like you have to, because this is quite a bad first draft and the whole thing is pretty sloppy%u2122 (and just gets sloppier as it continues), could you focus on the characters and plot like you did in this one because it's unbelievably helpful? Anyway, thanks again for reviewing.

-AnarchyWolf



User avatar
590 Reviews


Points: 1234
Reviews: 590

Donate
Sun Jul 31, 2016 9:00 pm
View Likes
Mageheart wrote a review...



Hi, AnarchyWolf! Mage here to do the promised review! So let's get to it, shall we?

I really like the characters you've introduced the reader to by this point of the story. They're all very likeable. As of right now, I think I like Seb the best. Then again, this story does focus on him, so I guess that makes sense. :D

The stranger was curled up tightly on the pillow as if he were still a wolf, with his back to Seb and the rest of the world. His ribs jutted sickeningly with every breath, each individual bone horrifyingly visible under a thin canvas of tanned, scarred skin. His spine looked as if it were about to burst from his back. His arms and legs were sticks, made only of wasting muscle and skin and covered in a dark, malnourished fuzz.


I love the description. And now I also want to give the poor werewolf a hug for whatever he's been through, and I still can't wait to find out what exactly that whatever is.

A rather dark part of Seb wondered, almost unconcerned, if he was dead.


For some reason, I loved this line.

They were bites, scratches, things that resembled bullet wounds. Some half-healed, some scars from years ago - and some looked as if they could've been delivered yesterday.


The want to hug the unnamed character has increased, along with an urge to punch whoever did that to him incredibly hard in the face.

Riley looked up from toast, her hair wild and sticking up in all directions like dry straw. “He was hurt and alone. You know the full moon does funny things to our heads. He could’ve gotten himself killed,”


The comma after "killed" should be a period.

“You scared him.” Tiffany said, “good lord, Seb. Give him a chance.”


The "g" in "good" should be capitalized.

“You can take this young man with you,” Riley said, smiling at the stranger, “good morning. Feel free to eat whatever you like.”


There can be a period after "stranger", and the "g" in "good" can be capitalized. Also, something tells me Seb wasn't too happy about this arrangement. I'm excited for future chapters in which he'll (rather begrudgingly) start to accept the unnamed werewolf and maybe even befriend him.

“Hey, Seb.” there was no trace of India in her voice. She’d picked up a perfect British accent over the years. “Who’s this?”


The "t" in "there" should be capitalized.

He and Tanvi had been spending weekends together like this for years. They didn’t have to hide their wolves from each other - Seb didn’t have to fake humanity.


I love this part, especially the line about not having to fake humanity.

Keep up the spectacular work - which I doubt you'll have trouble with - and good luck with your writing endeavors! Have a great day/night! :D




AnarchyWolf says...


Thanks so much for reviewing these three chapters :)



Mageheart says...


You're welcome! :D



User avatar
766 Reviews


Points: 650
Reviews: 766

Donate
Sun Jul 31, 2016 4:21 pm
View Likes
Brigadier wrote a review...



Hey there Anarchy Wolf. It's just Lizzy dropping by in this beautiful day to leave you with some comments. So without s further ado, let the reviewing begin.

Note: I have not read any of the previous chapters so hopefully I don't make too many mistakes about the plot. Also excuse any grammar or spelling mistakes if my own, I had to be on mobile for this review day.

The story overall was very entertaining to me and never slowed down to the point where it was boring. I also liked the mysterious air to the stranger but that might just have been because I didn't read the previous chapters. Though I'm guessing, little about his life was revealed before.

One thing that did put me off was the repeated use of 'he' and 'him'. Every sentence for the first couple paragraphs either started with one of these or used them two plus times. I can see that there weren't many words that you could use to swap but it's just a touch annoying. These were the only parts that somewhat drug on for me, rather than flowing together with the rest of the plot.
The only problem with my comments above is that I have absolutely no idea how you would be able to fix something like that. I think the best option for that would be to go to the Expert forum. Those users are always really helpful when you can't figure something out.

I was going to ask you what country this was set in. Then I reached the end. I do like how you subtly pointed out the story's origin. Like 'my friend was from India but now her accent in completely British'. That leads the reader to believe it's somewhere in the UK.
But I also wanted to ask about the time period. It seems like a fairly modern story but I didn't seem any indications of cell phones and such. Or haven't you narrowed down a time?

Another thing that just came off a bit odd, was how you grouped the dialogue. It went "words," she said,"words". Now this form is correct but in this context and the conversation you used, it just looked weird. I think it would be better to go with the "words," she said. "Words." version more often, maybe alternating between the two.

I guess that's all the comments I have for now. I think I might try and read your next chapter once you publish it. If you don't mind, could you please tag me? Anyways, hope some of my comments helped.
Happy review day!
Lizzy
The Queen of the Book Clubs




AnarchyWolf says...


Thanks so much for the review! It raised quite a few things I'd never thought of.

It's set in Britain, in modern times, but I never thought of smartphones. They're in the first chapter, but I agree that they probably need to be at least acknowledged more. The 'he' thing is a fair point, too, and I'll revise it when I redraft this chapter.

Anyway, thanks again for the review :)

-Anarchywolf




A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.
— Unknown