Hey, Amindor! Storm here for a review, so let's get right into it!
The night is all that seems to be present,
This seems a strange, roundabout way of putting this. I understand what you mean, but it doesn't seem to be the best, clearest way to say it.
Of course, she also isn't certain where there is.
'Of course' probably isn't what you want to use here. It implies that it's obvious to the readers, which, from the information given, it isn't. I think 'Although' is a better choice of word.
Her feet have lost all feeling, and her teeth are, what’s the word, chattering.
For this interjection, I'd recommend you use dashes and put a question mark. Like this: Her feet have lost all feeling, and her teeth are- what’s the word?- chattering.
I think you did a very good job for the length of this piece. Your description was top-notch, and in general, the writing flowed very nicely. Your plot was a bit hard to follow. I mean, this is flash fiction because of how short is it, but it's completely unclear what's going on. It's pretty obviously post-apocalyptic, but I think Kamil's escape(?) would have been more powerful if we knew what she was escaping from. We don't need her life story, but a small amount of background would help us understand a little more of why she left. Just showing her feelings about leaving wherever she was from would help this a lot. Giving us more of her feelings would probably also serve a dual purpose as it would improve her character as well.
Overall, I think it was a pretty good piece. Perhaps a bit vague, but there's not a lot to improve that when it's flash fiction.
Keep up the good work, and know that you're welcome to ask me questions in a reply to this review or a pm!
~Storm
Points: 2200
Reviews: 235
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