But it's Been Like This For Days

I like this poem. Kind of rhymes, but not entirely. It is kind of rough. I do not know if this was meant to rhyme because if it did not, then, good job ( "Since I breathed by last breathe" should be changed to "Since I breathed my last breath"). If this poem was meant to rhyme, then it needs some work. Do not fret. Hope is not lost! It is like polishing a stone. It is rugged an sort of unpleasant to see, but when you polish it, it becomes shining and beautiful and such a delight to behold! If you have any questions, just ask me. I have been writing poems (the majority of them being random, but hey! It is all good!!!!!!)

Good luck and keep writing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Very truly yours,
fantasydragon01

In the second stanza, perhaps you could say, "I see nothing," to throw out the use of a double negative!
Honestly, though, I am not one who should offer advice on poetry. I don't write it, nor could I if I tried. So, I have a deep appreciation for those who can. This is a great piece.

Hey There!!!

"I can't even breath

Don't even know how to

Stop this insanity"

Ok it might just be me, but personally I dont think this part sounds quite right! It might not be something you want to do and thats totally up to you, but I would do something like this instead... really its just changing one thing, but totally up to you!!!

I can't even breathe*

Dont even know how

to stop this insanity

Ok so I see how that might kinda twist things making it sound like the way to stop insanity should follow after, maybe there is a better way to alter things so it doesnt sound like that! Honestly I dont write poetry EVER so Im not quite sure the things you could do with it. I can just tell when things arent quite right!

Again since I dont write poetry very often or even read it much I might be totally wrong on this, dont feel like you need to change it cause I said. on the other hand, a small little change I would suggest here might help this one part sound a little better!!!

And oh my darling

Where is the light?

Where are the stars that I saw at night?

So if you switch the first and second line, just flip them just the way they are, I think it would be better, simply because then there is a break, without two lines right in a row rhyming. In the poetry I have read I have found that every second line rhymes. Not sure if that made any sense once I typed it out. Its just what I have found though.

"I haven't seen anyone but death"

Ok "anyone"? or anything? Not sure where you wanted to go with that, but it sounded a little off to me so I thought I would point it out!

Ok so that is all my (hopefully constructive) criticism!

Over all I really liked it! Like I said Im not one for much poetry, but I did enjoy this very much. I think you did a wonderful job. Keep up the good work, I know when you first post something you get bombarded with advice, but keep with it, I definitely think you got something here. I hope I get to read it fully edited when its all polished up!!!

Have a wonderful day!!!

Josie

xJ here to review!

First of all, a few notes: "And I can't, Can't even breath" You used the word can't twice, and you made a little spelling mistake. Breathe is spelled with an "e" on the end.
"It fills my soul And kills my heart" The second part of this, I feel as If you were running out of ideas when you said It kills my heart. Because your heart cannot exactly be killed. Anyway, "Till nothing can be controlled" this confused me because it didn't have much to do with the line before that. "And oh my darling" This would be better if you took the "and" off. "Because it's gone" What is "it"? "Because, frankly, I'm pretty sure I died" Adding I'm pretty sure just says that you're uncertain you're dead.

Overall, I like the repetition of the title, well done. It's not bad, but It has a few weak lines and misspellings. Try to improve in the future.

May all you travels through space and time be merry,

-xJ