My picture frame sits on my desk,
who's picture's inside?
I bet you can guess...
And for once its not yours.
Chorus
I'd rather stare at your smiling face.
Than at the strangers who now take your place.
But the picture won't content me now.
I need to feel you around me,
spirit, heart and mind.
Then I'll know its safe to give you mine.
I took your photograph out,
tore it up and threw it out.
Couldn't stand to have it around.
I put the lable photograph back.
I'd rather have the strangers staring back
From where my heartbreak used to stare from.
I tried to throw the others out.
But as I tried to shove them through the shredder
or just right into the trash,
my heart squeezed and tears rolled out my eyes.
I held them tight and fell to the floor,
sobbing like I never had before.
Chorus
I'd rather stare at your smiling face.
Than at the strangers who now take your place.
But the picture won't content me now.
I need to feel you around me,
spirit, heart and mind.
Then I'll know its safe to give you mine.
I woke up sometime later,
all my tears have stained my sweater.
Pictures of you still lay,
skattered all along the floor.
And I don't think I can manage,
to pick them up and hide them in my secret drawer.
Around a hundred days later,
I cant stare at those strangers one day longer.
But I still don't have any pictures,
to cover up their smiles
as they covered up yours.
They smile and grin at me, and its now habit to smile back.
Chorus
I'd rather stare at your smiling face.
Than at the strangers who now take your place.
But the picture won't content me now.
I need to feel you around me,
spirit, heart and mind.
Then I'll know its safe to give you mine.
So I walk to my secret drawer,
and as I open it I pause.
My heart soars at seeing your face,
and then I know how much your smile hits me now.
I slam the drawer closed again,
and run for my closet.
Maybe I won't come out this time.
Chorus
I'd rather stare at your smiling face.
Than at the strangers who now take your place.
But the picture won't content me now.
I need to feel you around me,
spirit, heart and mind.
Then I'll know its safe to give you mine.
Your smile makes mine shine through my tears
cutting through the memories
brought on by the pictures I have of you.
Chorus (in the background)
I'd rather stare at your smiling face.
Than at the strangers who now take your place.
But the picture won't content me now.
I need to feel you around me,
spirit, heart and mind.
Then I'll know its safe to give you mine.
Is it safe to give you mine yet?
Chorus (background)
I'd rather stare at your smiling face.
Than at the strangers who now take your place.
But the picture won't content me now.
I need to feel you around me,
spirit, heart and mind.
Then I'll know its safe to give you mine.
Can I have yours too?
Chorus (background)
I'd rather stare at your smiling face.
Than at the strangers who now take your place.
But the picture won't content me now.
I need to feel you around me,
spirit, heart and mind.
Then I'll know its safe to give you mine.
Can I just have you,
To go with my photograph?
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,016 Literary Works • 672,851 Reviews
Thats one of my Favorite SONGS..XD
[b]
so hardcore i lovvvve IT
We need more background of your character. A flashback would be perfect.
Maybe some of her strengths instead of contemplating suicide...? 
Also, this sounds a bit too much like 'poor me' writing.
PM me if you need anything
Ditto the guy above me on the length issue. I definately think you dragged it out too long. That is, however, quite fixable.
I do think it was a good song though, needs a little work. I liked the message, the thought behind it, and a few lines in particular were very beautiful.
So my suggestions would be-
1.) Shorten the whole thing
2.) Less repitition of the chorus
3.) Throw another stanza onto each of the verses
Just suggestions, take them or leave them at your discretion. ^_^
I liked your other poems, but I'm not a big fan of this one. It's a little long. And you repeat the the chorus too much...so as a song it would be a little repetative. I also think that you should have a shorter chorus and longer verses. It's just a personal preferance I have for songs. The lyrics themselves were okay...I didn't like them too much.
~Timea