Look at me
Can you see me?
Or do you just see the space
the one who's place I stole?
Because I see you
all the damn time.
But I'm just invisible to you aren't I?
(Ahhhh haaaa ayeeee
ayeee yayiee haaahaa)
Maybe if I scream enough
You'll hear me
I can hope right can't I?
(ohhh ohhhh ohhh ohhha)
Tell me I'm not invisible please!
You have no idea what it means to me
Promise me
that you see me...
If only for today...
(Ahhhh ohhhh haaaa)
Tell me I'm not invisible please
(ayeee ohhhh yayiee ohhha )
ohhh ahhh
Tell me...
(ahhhhh haha)
that you see me
(ohhha ahhh(
if only for today.
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139,468 Literary Works • 672,573 Reviews
I agree with Clau, you can do without the sounds that you put down. It takes away from the words. Other than that, when I imagine this in song form, I don't know what to expect because it doesn't have all the pieces that a song usually has and it doesn't seem quiet long enough. Where or what is your chorus? What do you want to get from your listeners when they're done hearing this? Work more on the point and then add all of the things that it's supposed to have. This has potential, I wish I could hear it.
PM me if you have any questions or need help with anything!
Happy editing!
~Rieda
Cut this, and all the other sounds out. Even though they would be sung in your version of it, the lyrics should only be what is spoken, unless it is, say, an obvious one, "Oh, how I love you." or something. Otherwise, it is annoying and pointless.
Most of the song seems to consist of these strange noises.
I think the apostrophes here are wrong. As it is, it really says "The one is who is place I stole" which isn't what you want. When you say "who's" I believe you mean whose. As to the 's on "one" I'm not sure why it is there.
These are interesting, but not that original. I think you should try finding more original ways to say things. Think of how beautiful words are--use that to your advantage. Don't just say something, say it beautiful. Again, just like poetry (since music is poetry) the words you choose are important.