For all the things,
I could have said.
For all the tears,
I might have shed.
For all the love,
I gave to you.
I once thought that you loved me
and I knew I loved you.
I thought that I knew you,
but I really had no clue,
what I had yet to love about you.
(speaking voice)
Down a ginger bread building,
my sugar glass heart falls,
to shatter at your feet.
(singing voice)
Why this hurts so much,
I have no clue.
I just can't hate you
For every night,
tears shed for you
For every secret
I shared with you
For every kiss
I gave to you.
I thought that love grew slowly,
instead of in a rush.
I once that love went both ways,
but I had no clue
how one sided love could be.
(speaking voice)
Down a ginger bread building,
my sugar glass heart falls,
to shatter at your feet.
(singing voice)
Why this hurts so much,
I have no clue.
I just can't hate you
For every song,
I sang for you
For all the time,
I used on you.
For every hope,
I lost,
thanks to you.
(speaking voice)
Down a ginger bread building,
my sugar glass heart falls,
to shatter at your feet.
(singing voice)
Why this hurts so much,
I have no clue.
I just can't hate you
(speaking voice)
Down a ginger bread building,
my sugar glass heart falls,
to shatter at your feet.
(fading out)
(speaking voice)
Down a ginger bread building,
my sugar glass heart falls,
to shatter at your feet.
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140,220 Literary Works • 673,046 Reviews
Hm, I liked it, Alice.
The repetative part in the chorus you repeated too much, I think. I thought you did a good job of connecting 'sugar glass heart' and 'gingerbread house'. The "I can't hate you." line was okay, but I didn't think it fit into the song to much.
Overall, good job.
~Timea
I love love love this part because of it's allusions to gingerbread houses and a sugar glass heart. Makes me think of Hansel and Gretel and other kinds of childlike, delicate things. I really wish there were more of this kind of imagery. The rest is alright, I suppose; the specifics of "me" and "you" make it seem a tad generic; but parts like this will make it special.
On only a slightly relevant note ^_^ ... let me quote your sig line:
This seems like it should be in your song somewhere; the sort of simple, melancholy voice to it.
Hey,
:
I like the idea of this. It's original and I can perfectly relate to it.
I also like, that you have part of the chorous spoken. I think it would work very well as a soft rock song.
Here some peanuts
I have a bit of a problem with the last line of the chorous. It doesn't seem forced or anything, but it's a bit random, because you never actually mention wanting to hate the "you". (I know it's obvious, because the "I" is hurt, it just doesn't seem to have a connection to the rest.)
For ... you'd like to do what?
Hate the "you"??
Maybe say that before each chorous? Or bring it up in some other place?
Just a suggestion, but it would get rid of both my complaints in one.
All in all: Good job
~Kalli
Brava Alice...I loved it......absolutely awesome.....it flows good.....it's so sad and i feel the emotion behind it....again Amazing job
-Uo The lady in gray
Sounds more like Pop lyrics, but the tone would definitely seem to be a bard's song. I don't know of many bands in pop, but the old style is definitely something not in the normal category of music for pop. Sad, but not overly dramatic.
Thats really nice.
Its so true.
Do you know the Gorilaz? Its a band. Well they have a song called "fire coming out of the monkeys head" I think that kinda song would go for these lyrics.
Just look 'em up =]
Alice, I just htought of this~~ Lifehouse would probably be a band most likely to sing this. It makes me think of Fairytales and Castles a lot, so I thought I'd mention that...I still with I could get a poem out of that line... GOOD JOB!!
~Bella The Phantasmagorical~
This is a really interesting song idea, since it is rather unique. As you know, I'm not much on song lyrics, but I'll still give you my thoughts. ^_^
I believe you meant to say "I once thought that love went both ways," yes?I think you should take a look at the lyrics by some of your favorite bands, or better yet, a band that this song might fit into their genre. From what I know of music, it's good to have a bit of space between your choruses, about two versus (from when I wrote songs). Think of when you listen to music. I hate songs that are just lots of repetition with a boring idea behind them. Or, even if the chorus is good, I hate hearing it a lot. For me, though, music is really designed either by the music, or the lyrics. Sometimes, both. If both are good, the band wins my heart. One thing I would suggest (and this was what I was getting to, haha, sorry it took me so long!) is to use less chorus, and more verses. It's just a lot of repetition. And for your verses, make them... I want to say "better than that" but that is not helpful in the least. Make them more emotional, poetical, beautiful. When you listen to a song, do you like the song that speaks to you, or the song with the lyrics that aren't that nice but everyone can relate to? You really want to speak your message with strong words, which is why song writing is like poetry; it has to be beautiful, doesn't it?
Again, haha, Think of this how you want because I am probably just as clueless as you are when it comes to song writing, but take it as you will. ^_^
Soft rock I think, I'm not really sure, I don't know how to play any insturment so I'll be asking for help with it. But most likely soft rock.
wow... really good lyrics i mean REALLY good lyrics and i love the end just curious but what type of music is this gonna be with?