Young Writers Society

Way to go, Alice. I think I might have already read this, but who cares. It's good.

You just have to make a video or recording of this! I love to hear what it really sounds like. I didn't know what to expect when I read the title, but I'm glad I clicked on it!

I agree with the others, i really wish i could actually hear the song. Sounds great Alice! I love all of your work, and i hope you keep it up.
Keep Writing

I loved it. there arn't many words (at least not that I can think of now) that describe this (unless I pull out a thesaurus). That song would sound great, i really wish I could hear it.

wow, that was really good. the title sounded a little cheesy, but the song was good. i agree with some others...if you ever make a vid, PM me the link. lol

no edits

Hey Alice.

You tried to fix me way too fast
You didn’t know it was sugar glass

Find the superglue tonight

Has my heart broke your makeshift molding?

Made of the finest sugar glass.

It was a real good song and the emotions really shine through. The words work real well. There are a few parts that seem to lack the flare that some parts have. But overall, great work and keep it up.

#e22f07 ">I really like this song and I am thinking you are becoming a better poet/songwriter each time you post something under those categories!

EDIT: Wrong person.

I was cracked before you
And I was shattered after you

FOr some reason, this was my favorite line. It also flowed really well. The whole song was pretty good too. You made the whole thing flow really well. I can't wait to read more of your Lyrics! Nice job! keep wrting!

~Lashes~

This isn't to shabby. LOL I wish i could hear how it goes. If you ever make a video of this song let me know. Would love to hear it some time. I have nothing else to say but it was good.

Hey there Alice, I'm not too great at critiquing lyrics but here's a little advice -

I’ve tried to pick up the shattered pieces
Of my heart up off the floor
Do you see what you have done to me?
And what happens when you push
A cracked glass over the edge
Of the table and onto the floor?
[I think the intro is good but I think you need to work on rhythm a little and I don't like the repetition of floor. Perhaps -

I've tried to gather the shattered pieces
Of my heart that has fallen once more.
Do you see what you have done to me -
What happens when you tip
A cracked glass over the edge
Of the table and onto the floor? ]

(music 10 seconds) [What sort of music? What instruments?]

I was cracked before you
And I was shattered after you
You tried to fix me way too fast
You didn’t know it was sugar glass
And now its gone beyond repair [Remember your punctuation. I think the wording here is quite good but maybe -

I was cracked before you,
Then shattered by you.
You tried to fix me way too fast -
Didn't know my heart was sugar glass.
And now it's broken beyond repair.]

(chorus)
You pushed my heart together,
Made me feel like I was better;
But you didn’t heal me,
You didn’t even fix me.
You couldn’t find the super-glue
So now it’s being held together
With a paper clip and two broken rubber bands.

Can’t you see the irony?
You tried to fix me
But you broke me even worse. [Maybe 'But you broke me worse than before.]
So why do I still love you?
Because you gave it your best go
Even though it doesn’t show [I think you should add to the end of this verse. Perhaps:

So why do I still love you?
Why do I return for more?
Because you gave it your best go
And I know and I know and I know
That you tried
But it just don't show.] That would depend on what sort of music it is though...

(music 10 seconds)

Even now I’m missing you,
Singing songs I wrote
Because of you.
I really need your love again
And maybe you’ll get it right
Find the super-glue tonight.

(chorus)
You pushed my heart together,
Made me feel like I was better;
But you didn’t heal me,
You didn’t even fix me.
You couldn’t find the super-glue
So now it’s being held together
With a paper clip and two broken rubber bands.

The rubber bands are small and thin,
The paperclips begin to bend [Need a space between paper and clips.]
I feel like I’m Exploding
Has my heart broke your makeshift moulding?

(music 15 seconds)

You tried to fix me way too fast.
Unaware that my heart was
Made of the finest sugar glass.
So if you hold it way too tight
Like a mouse with all its might [Why a mouse?]
It’ll shatter in your hands and
Blow away like the sand. [Maybe make it sands? And I like this verse, very pretty.]

(chorus)
You pushed my heart together,
Made me feel like I was better;
But you didn’t heal me,
You didn’t even fix me.
You couldn’t find the super-glue
So now it’s being held together
With a paper clip and two broken rubber bands.

(speaking)
The rubber bands are breaking.
I feel like I’m exploding.
You couldn’t find the super-glue
And now…
Now I can’t forget you.

Overall, I think these are some really good lyrics Alice. Nice work.

~SPEW~

Wow, this is really good. I agree though, I wish I could hear it!

Yay, Alice! This was very nice. Although, I only wish I could hear it.

Alice wrote:Because you gave it your best go
Even though it doesn’t show