Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.
People say that after twenty minutes, the white room will drive you insane. It eats you alive, and it sure as fucking hell is laughing while it does it.
People also say that the lights will keep you safe. But with all that white, I soon realized that it only makes it easier to see you.
~
I had stabbed my mother out of anger. Yeah, I have anger issues. Get the fuck over it. The whore wouldn't shut up about me taking out the trash. So I had been sentenced to the white room for a few weeks.
What exactly is the white room?
It's literally a "white" "room". A room with white. it's padded so it's harder to hear your own movement. The guards wear padded feet so it's impossible to see that you are not alone, not until a white bowl of white rice gets slided underneath the white door with a white spoon on a white floor to be eaten by white bony hands whitewhitewhitewhiteWHITEWHITEIT'SALLFUCKINGWHITEWHITE-
Huh? Oh I'm okay. I'm not insane, you fucking moron. Yeah. You fucking heard me. You're a moron. Fuck you. Fuck you with your white teeth and your white fingernails and your white eyes-
I'm. Fucking. Fine.
I don't like the fucking white room. I'm dizzy. my head hurts my eyes are screaming at me and it hurts it hurts it hurts.
Huh-? What's that over there?
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~
~
It's not white.
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~
~
It's. Not. Fucking. White.
"Hmmmmmm" A high pitched squeal was coming from it.
It's . . . What's that? I don't remember that color.
Blah.
Block.
Blick.
Black.
Two . . . Circles. And a big u shape! That's . . . . A smile. And what's that long black stuff?
My ears are ringing. I blinked.
There's a fucking thing smiling and staring at me. It smiled showing . . .Wello teeth. Yellow teeth. It opened it's mouth and it's smiling at me. It's eyes leaked black. It was just staring at me, it's mouth oozing with something black. The squeal went higher as its smile widened up to its eyes. It shook and trembled. I blinked again.
"Boo" Black splattered my face as its white face, mouth gaping open, stared directly at me. Its voice was distorted and deep. I screamed and scattered towards the wall. The thing had four long hand like, skinny limbs and it reached the ceiling. it crawled toward me like some sort of zombie. It let out a deep throated roar and crawled toward me, its mouth melted and elongated. Black ooze dripped down. I screamed.
I blinked.
"Mm? MMM!" something painful was tearing at my lips. I couldn't see anything but black. I was in a tiny black room. And something was tearing at my lips. I couldn't open them. I blinked.
That face was in mine, staring at me. I saw the maggots moving, making squirming sounds. A low, raspy growl came from the thing as it wheezed. It started at me. Its "eyes" seemed to widened and it let out a high pitched screech, waving its arms at me angrily.
"MMMMM!" I screamed with it.
I blinked.
Searing pain hit my face. I felt my mouth able to move.
No, wait. Something thick and fleshy was tearing off of me, hanging between that thing's teeth. It laughed as it ripped my face off, chewing on It slowly. Gradually, my vision faded to white. The entire time, it was staring at me, it's mouth smiling straight up to it's eyes.
I fucking hate the white room.
If you could rate how scary this thing is, it would be great. one for child's play and ten for nightmares? thanks!
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Canary word: Present
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125,025 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey there Ella! How are you? ~^^~
Now, without further nonsense, let’s get into the review!!
First of all, gosh that was definitely an experience. Doesn’t help I decided to read this at night with my imagination juices flowing like a river. Yay.
Anyway!
Great piece, I certainly felt engaged and I certainly kept my eyes glued to the screen in slight craze that something black would ooze out my door haha.
I would rate it a solid 4 as it wasn’t that terrifying but it certainly made me wary and now it’s making me slightly anxious lol. It has its element of surprise and horror whilst also leaving room for questions and different interpretations! Such as, I thought that the character might actually have hallucinated the whole thing? Or the creature might have been her imagination but also completely real to her-only visible and affecting HER. Other people might not have been able to see it?
I love the idea of the white room really. Gives lots of room to discuss.^^
It seems quite inhuman to leave an already mentally disturbed person in a completely white room, with white food and people who slide food through some kind of small hole. They don’t even allow her to witness COLOUR and don’t even allow her to see the prison guards, which doesn’t seem like much, but at least saying something to REAL people keeps one’s sanity intact. Especially, when you’re this “insane”. The descriptions of the white room, the white FOOD and how the guards are meant to “enter” the room is perfect yet there’s a element of confusion as to how the room system actually WORKS which is perfect to leave the reader with questions.
Furthermore, I know, I know you have a rainbow-mouth but honestly Ella use some more descriptive wordsss make the reader tremble in their seat! I would’ve personally liked if you included more interesting vocabulary to describe the character’s emotions and terror and rage instead of just the same cuss word again and again! I mean at least change up the cuss word you’re using! T^T Honestly, tut tut tut. (Jk)
That last bit left me terribly anxious. Now, all I can see in my head is a disturbing black hole with bloodshot eyes and a huge gaping smile with bloody yellow gnarled teeth. HELLP THIS IS YOUR FAULT.
*COUGH*
Let’s get back to business so I can sleep. Hopefully-
I loved the way you wrote this and the slight unexpected “ending” of the creature just snacking on her face. I didn’t actually expect it to eat her face that’s quite terrifying, well done. The creature might have been punishing her for her crimes or it might have something to do with a bit of physiological damage. Anywho!
Overall, great piece and good night!! It’s literally midnight now and I’m cold and tired. I need beauty sleep so toodles~
whelp the reason for or the dumb vocabulary is to make it realistic. the guy couldn't even remember what the word black was, so of course, his word selection was dumbed down. like a teenager even though he's a grown adult.
OH WOW MY STORY ACTUALLY SCARED SOMEONE YAYYYYYY.
but thanks!
True!
Yesss I genuinely could not sleep for a while, NOT something to celebrate T^T
heheeeee I'm gonna celebrate over that since I suck at writing horror.
I cannot decide if I want to wring your neck or hug you at this point-
wring my neck then hug me. HAHAHAHHA SCAREDY CAT.
That is a great idea! XD
FROM WHAT ANGLE AM I A SCAREDY CAT U BIG FLUFFLESS BURRITO-
Hello there, Akira! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the disturbing S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - Because October is coming up, I really wanted to read a horror story. So I’ve logged onto YWS and found that none other than AkiraEliza had written a horror story! Since the esteemed Circus Master has gone into the field of horror, I have ridden my undead horse headfirst into the terror…and found that it was a story about a troubled human being in a white room. Except, this room isn’t normal. This room isn’t even a room. It’s a creature and boy, will it make the character pay…
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - If you want to curse, that’s fine. That’s your choice. You can ignore what I’m about to say next. I personally feel like the f word could be used in moderation for emphasis on certain things, and that the main focus should be more about the character’s feelings in the white room and about how the monster looks, about the impending anxiety coming in. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make sense, you can ignore this.
Chocolate Bar - I absolutely LOVEEE how you kept describing everything as “white”. White spoon, white rice, white door. When the character struggles to remember what the other colors are, that really hits home that the character had been trapped in the white room for a LONG time. Possibly years. The description of the monster was fantastically spooky and if you want, I’d like to see more of the monster described! Then, right after it opened its mouth, the character was in a tiny black room. It’s like the room is the monster’s mouth. Or not…Finally, when the monster eats the character’s flesh, it all turns to white. This implies that the character is living in a purgatory for their crimes. This could also imply that the character is dead and they are in Hell. I like it! ^v^
Closing Graham Cracker - You asked readers to rate this, so I will give it a five. I can feel the fear seeping in and the details are lovely, but I feel like with more details, it would be scarier. For your first horror story, this is pretty good! You definitely have an eye for creepy things and if you ever want to keep writing horror stories, then go for it! The great thing about horror is that ANYTHING can be horror. It can have extreme gore or no gore. It can have death or no death. The one thing that stays constant for all horror stories is FEAR and you nailed that down! I would never want to face a monster like you described XD. You can take whatever advice you want, because remember, this is your story and you know it better than anyone! And with that sentiment…
I wish you a spooky day/night! :>