Time stands still in the downtrodden valley
The lone traveler gazes on
The remains of a splendid city tattered
Battered by the temper of nature
The eternal song of its glory
Still being sung underneath the ruins
Hidden jewels wait to be discovered
To be polished and claimed for their worth
The rogue cloud that shadows the remains
The gentle breeze too lithe to be captured
To be cherished against the cheeks
The sound of hooves raging a storm afar
Wakens the wanderer from the past
Of trumpets and beats of joy
Of the solo tune of lose
Of the warring clans that claimed the peace
And now lie buried in the sands of time
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
The others below seem a bit critical and I know their intentions are good but this is a vivid and intriguing poem that should not be altered by poetry "norms" . So it may not have the la-dee-da intricacies of some poems but I was moved by it. Nowadays poetry has become so strict that it has alienated many from writing poems. Poetry should really be about self-expression
Hello.
The spacing in this poem seems to be one of the problems, which can be fixed with ctrl+enter. Just be sure to make equal stanzas and whatnot because when someone reads it, the stanzas will be equality spaced and easier to read. This seems to be an easy read, with no real grasp of feeling or tone. Like a monotoned sort of thing. If you add some colorful words into this, it'll come alive.
Towards the end of this, it seems to drift off into a long list of adjectives. In some poems, it is needed to make sense and create a whirlwind of thoughts and tones and colors. You are painting words onto a canvas when you write poetry. In here, you seem to do that quite nicely-- just don't over do it. Make it flow like a river with some rocks (which are the smooth drops into something new).
Another thing is there seem to be no punctuation. It makes the whole poem seem hard to understand and hard to fully understand the theme. As stated in here Punctuation&Poetry: Can't I leave it out? A New Poet's Guide, you are a new poet and your lines are just.. well, lines! When you continue to write poetry, think about where commas will go and periods.
I enjoyed this poem as well as the images you provided. From it, I can picture something beautiful and pretty like a forest or something of the sort. If you work hard to correct some of the corrections, then this will be lovely as it was in your head.
Blaspherica
Hi Adreamer jessiebear here to do a review on your work and I hope it will helps a lot as you keep on writing.
First of I love the poem and it is very creative and soothing.
Okay time to go on to the review. It is very good to start with but it needs a little bit of batching up. first of it needs a full stops like for in stuns (And now lie buried in the sands of time) and you do not start a stentings with a and. Hear and there boot a comer in. If you want to But I think you should change this word (afar) and with the comer I will fix it for you it should look like this (Of the warring clans that claimed the peace, and now lie buried in the sands of time.) There you go you just need to do that to some of the sentences then It will be perfect.
Thous were the only problems through the hull poem so grate job and I am looking for weird to seeing so more of your work.
I hope I was not rood are any thing be because I was just trying to help you with your work. And I hope you will In prove. So have a good day/night.