In the lacklustre world my colours are lost, lost in the hazy mist that envelops the city engulfing the rich and poor alike. Blinded by customs and conventions meanings of which they can never comprehend. They exist yet fail to live. Follow orders to the gallow set by the rest. The sheer joy of life in its variety eludes them. The thoughts are morose with battered heart and bruised soul they trod on to the predictable path. Never a distraction grabs their attention. They are lost forever in the ebbing tide of existence. Hope is defined within the boundary of tradition and breaking it is unacceptable. Where has gone the spark of laughter? Where are the moments lost in joy? Where are the true seekers of truth?
Beneath the cloud of oblivion that drains out the soul, beyond the murky waters of doubt lives the true seeker. Unafraid of challenges blended in the tapestry of life lives the doubt slayer. Among the fading lights lives the true beacon of hope. Vaults casted over the maze of a trained trapped mind are released to unleash the flames of life that flare with the undying zeal of an eternal promise.
At times it’s lost. At times it’s in the ever changing seasons or in the perennial waterfalls. It’s in the flight of birds , in the songs of wild , in the web of spiders, in the roar of lion, in the waves of the turbulent sea, in the breeze that caresses a teary face, in the blazing fire that warrants purity, in the gaze of the nature lover, in the eyes of a watcher, in the sound of a singer, in the steps of a dancer, in the mind of a master. At times when the going gets tough, you lose sight of your anchor. You try to swim in the sea of doubt with no way back home. Then the log of life puts you on track and you are set to go.
Never fear the unknown. Never lose yourself in the aimless drifting crowd that knows not what it seeks. Be you. Ultimately, that’s what matters. So live your life the way you see it. The way you choose it. Then the world will look up to you for in you lies the braveness of the true warrior. In the utter chaos of seemingly futile actions I found myself after drowning and sinking in the overwhelming waves of doubt and shattered hopes. Through the maze I became stronger than I have ever been. It is the journey not the destination that makes the difference. The difference is in the path not in the ends. Losing is not crippling till you give up trying. The sail is set dear comrade, embrace the tide and the storm then you will be home. Unearth your anchor and chime the bell of joy for here comes the adventure of a lifetime.
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139,593 Literary Works • 672,612 Reviews
So, this… is an amazing piece of writing. Your imagery is at its finest, and it basically explodes with emotion. This entranced me, But seeing as how this is a review, I will tell you my nitpicks.
The flow of this story was wonderful, but, don’t you think it would make a superb poem?
Either way, what you have written is powerful, and speaks to people.
Generally I would choose to be nit-picky about your use of Colours and morose, due to their unfamiliar origins, but I took the time to look them up to be sure of their exact meanings, and all it has done is reinforce my awe of your story.
Keep writing, and stay strong.
You hit me in the feels bro. Wow.
No words.
This was fantastic. Your passion is tangible.
Have you ever considered poetry?
Uhhhhhhhhh........ Wow..... Just....... Just wow.......... I really don't have much else to say other than........ Wow.........
Of course, I am reviewing you, so I have to say something other than 'wow'.
So, here it goes:
It appears as if this whole (what do I call this???????) text is like one big metaphor.... Or something like that.
There is a lot of descriptive language here. And I mean a lot. Like, every sentence. (Again, wow.) I guess that it's cool in a way, but also a bit distracting, too. Maybe it's supposed to be a bit like that. I dunno...
Really, this looks more like a poem than a short story. You could make stanzas and.... Boom. You've got a perfectly good poem here. Maybe it would be easier to understand that way.
Just a recommendation, that's all.
I've additionally picked up a few sentences that could maybe use some fixing:
'In the lacklustre world my colours are lost, lost in the hazy mist that envelops the city engulfing the rich and poor alike.'
This feels a bit like a run-on. It's also confusing. I had to read it over a few times to get what it means.
'Blinded by customs and conventions meanings of which they can never comprehend.'
I also have a hard time understanding this. It feels like the word 'meanings' is unnecessary or distracting. Maybe there's something here that could use a bit of management?
I guess I'm done here. I hope I was of some use.
-Holographic Ladybug
.P.S. I really like the message. Totally understandable.
This is an endearing narrative which contains a kosher message. I'll tell you what, a while back I wrote a piece with a practically similar message, and you pretty much blew me out of the water. Well done. The idea of a society that confines to the same mentality as everyone else in place of originality is an utmost real issue that I find with today's world, while the end, you aptly describe as the "gallows", a very unpleasant end knowing that fulfillment was not reached with the time spent on Earth. That leads me to say, your word choice in this piece was very pleasing. You have multiple thought-provoking lines, such as "Beneath the cloud of oblivion that drains out the soul, beyond the murky waters of doubt lives the true seeker." This further compounds the theme of this story, by conveying a powerful image that tells the reader just how buried the person who seeks originality is. The last paragraph is beautiful advice for absolutely anybody; it's spoken as if you're someone who has really struggled, and this piece has real meaning, and it can give real meaning to somebody else.
This has been an ultimately short review for a short piece, it was a really powerful narrative though. Well done :p
Thank you so much!