Hope

'Ello, it's cello!

Great poem. It had a lot of meaning and you did a wonderful job showing the message.

I've been complaining about this to everyone- Commas and periods! In the end, it's the authors decision but I'd highly advise you to consider. Punctuation tells the reader how to read and can help the author and/or speaker get the message across in a far superior manner. It shows where to emphasize and where to stop for a breath. It brings the reader closer to the writers emotion and view of their own work.

A few rather minor suggestions-

Bellows the gushing fear of hurt and the

Embrace of guilt that tears apart the fragile mind

If you move the 'and the' to the beginning of the second line, everything would flow in a significantly nicer manner.

By the casual neglect of the world around

'casual neglect' feels a bit... off. Maybe try 'ignorance'. It's a simple change and has a very similar meaning. (Well, kind of...)

But by truly leaving it behind

I'm sure you could put some more power into this line. 'truly abandoning it', 'truly deserting it'. I'm sure you'll find a good replacement, as you're clearly a good writer.

Keep going till you reach there

Okay, so your entire poem has been *Insert that word that my english teacher says every day but I suddenly forgot*. Your poem hasn't said 'you' or 'I' or 'us'. It hasn't included the author or reader then *boom!* 'you reach there'. Maybe 'Continue forward with hopes of a better place'? I don't know... I'm no good at this. Just try to keep consistent. (Also, 'there' is awfully general and vague. Maybe substitute something else?)

Hi there, Adreamer! Welcome to YWS! It's good to see new faces around.

I really appreciate that you named this poem simply, after its theme. You also do a great job of sticking with the topic at hand. I was also impressed with the way you use the sound of language to your advantage.

For example, the line "In this chaos of unending agony" has a nice meter to it, and also reflects the harshness of the meaning in the hard Ch sound, the blunt sound of end in unending, and the guttural cry of "g" in agony. You do this in several places throughout the poem, and it seems like you've got a natural sense for using language this way.

That being said, there are two major parts of this poem that could use some improvement. While you stay on topic, all of the descriptions of various contrasting emotions are abstract. It was difficult for me to stay focused, even through this short of a poem because it is impersonal and in a vacuum where there is only light and dark. Light and dark is a powerful metaphor for many concepts, but it is most effective when put into a concrete setting.

Instead of

Even in the bleakest of times
Even in the darkest of nights
The glow of hope can save you from crushing agony

You could liken it to something concrete (while night and light are indeed concrete, they have been used so many times in literature to symbolize various things that they are metaphors in themselves). Perhaps show a character stumbling around in the dark, searching for the lamp in an unfamiliar house. It doesn't have to be a specific character, maybe even just done from the first person. But that puts the poem into a setting and perspective that allows the reader some frame of reference outside of metaphorical storms and falling and rising. Put it somewhere concrete and we'll see it in our heads, connecting to scenarios in our own lives, whether concrete or abstract.

The second large issue with this poem is the lack of punctuation and breaks. While many poets choose to write poetry without any punctuation at all, this poem would do better with punctuation or stanza breaks, at least. As it is, it's one big chunk that was hard to get through. I did not know where one thought ended and the next began. In order to make the ends of thoughts clearer, there are several ways to handle it. Personally, in most of my poems, I prefer to punctuate my poetry as I punctuate prose. However, this is a matter of personal taste. There are other ways to signal the end of a thought. You could use stanza breaks. On YWS, if you hold shift when you press enter to form a new line, it will be single spaced. When you want a stanza break, simply don't hold shift when you enter down.

As for your line breaks, this one stood out to me in particular:

Bellows the gushing fear of hurt and the

You break the line after an article, which is generally not something you want to do. Try breaking the line after "hurt" instead, so you can end the line on a nice, strong word.

The last thing I'll talk to you about is wordiness. You're not exceptionally wordy, but I found myself thinking that the language could be trimmed down. Here's how you can do this. Take away everything except the words that you absolutely need. Then change some words to make the message clear with fewer words. If you can't do that, add some back in. Let's try an example.

In this chaos of unending agony
Comes the brilliance of hope

So let's take away everything, down to the bones, and change it so it makes sense.

In agony
comes hope.

I'm sure that you want a little more punch than that, so let's put back in some words to make the meaning closer to what you had originally.

in chaotic agony
comes brilliant hope.

This cuts down on all those words that the reader has to slog through to uncover the meaning, yet allows the original meaning to shine through. It's simpler, yet it serves its' purpose. Simpler is most often better.

Altogether, I enjoyed reading your poem and reviewing it. I'm glad that you chose to post it on YWS! I hope that this review proves useful to you! Happy writing!