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Hi there, happy review day! Crim here to review your poem!

I'm not going to beat about the bush - your small description of this poem is what made me click on it and I am very glad I did. I am in absolute love with your poem. Because of that, I don't think this review is going to be very helpful to you because I really don't have many points to say against it.

Firstly I'll start with a nitpick. The only nitpick I have is that you've capitalised the first letter of every line, even though grammatically it's incorrect. This was absolutely fine for most of it because it didn't cut the flow but:

'To draw constellations from the freckles
You can’t stand, each one
Of us, across time and beyond mortality.'

I ended up having to re read this part of the poem several times to try and understand exactly what it said, because of the enjambment and the capitalisation.

Criticism over! Now I'll just go on to what I liked the best about this poem:

'What if today is the inevitable
Where I let you slip through my fingers,
That could never hold your gravity anyway.'

^ I adore these three likes. I think they have got to be my favourite in the whole poem. It so easily could have been a cliche with the 'slipping through someone's fingers' but the mention of gravity literally 'pulls' everything nicely into place. (I will never try to make a pun again, I promise)

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your poem - you have a real talent and I hope you never stop writing! Take care,

Crim

I really enjoy this poem. I like how the narrator is so obsessed or in love with this person that he/she wants to know everything about them, even down to the way they work. The first line seems really unnecessary to me. It's just.... too blunt for the beauty of the rest of the poem.

"I want to stay up every night
To draw constellations from the freckles
You can’t stand,"
This is my favorite part. (I'm assuming the narrator is a guy, the subject a girl) I like how he is so in love with her that her whole body is beautiful to him. He wants to memorize every piece of her. She, like every other girl (person really), sees flaws in herself and he sees only another part to love.

Really great poem and fills my heart with longing for such a beautiful love.

Hello there. So I stumbled across your poem mainly due to the opening line:

I want to fuck, marry and kill you.

I want to rip apart every particle of your being
And blow the powder into the South China Sea,
To spend the rest of my life wishing I hadn’t;
Watching you spread to every corner
Of your earth. Every planet in our Solar System.

I want to pick apart your chromosomes
And examine your DNA until I know how
To recite every piece of you,
And the way your face twists when
You paint mine.

I want to stay up every night
To draw constellations from the freckles
You can’t stand, each one
Of us, across time and beyond mortality.
Memorise what they look like when
The sun kisses you awake before
I build up the courage
to spoil the view.

Because what if I’m wrapped in the stars
Still;
And my view is just that.
What if today is the inevitable
Where I let you slip through my fingers,
That could never hold your gravity anyway.

They say study groups are good for grades,
But I’m spending more time studying the way
Your shirt rides up when you reach for more tea
Than 20th century politics:
And when I’m older and unemployed
At least I know how your hands are steady
As an artists’,
But still twitch when they brush over mine.

this is....far out. i like it. i like it a lot. i bet if you sold this to a pop group, you would be being interviewed by ryan seacrest on american top 40 with in the week, and swimming in money. you must be deeply in love with whomever you wrote this about. good work and keep writing this stuff.