Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for mature content.
*updated
When I was 15,
You wore smoke
Like a perfume, yet
Made me swear against cigs
Because you didn’t want to
Influence my innocence.
When you were 16,
You had a reputation,
Nights out and spent with strangers,
Metallic and bitter;
But for me
You tasted of cotton candy,
And begged for attention
Like a doe-eyed puppy
x
You were the spring but
I had boundaries
And you never pushed me
Until the one time you did.
You apologised.
And the planets realigned.
You were the summer but
The force of your grip
Magnified in company:
I became the rag-doll under
The Puppet Master.
I never worried about it
Until the one day I did.
xx
The memory of your
fingertips burn skin, but
I will never fear you
As much as I fear
My need for your
winter.
xxx
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139,564 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hello there, and happy review day!
Wow, this is a really good poem! The first stanza was so perfectly worded and structured. It's very poetic and short, yet full of meaning. What a great way to pull readers in! The tone seems so sorrowful and angry, like the speaker is sorry that they made the decision to stay with the abuser, but also angry with herself and at the abuser.
Your use of figurative language is wonderful and emotional. The way you shape the words... just wow. This is really difficult to review because I literally cannot find anything wrong with it. It's very well edited, very well written, and very well structured. You don't see that kind of quality in a lot of works on this website. Also, I like recurring theme of the seasons; it's a fantastic tie-in for the end.
This line. I love it. It's so simple, but it has so much power.
This is a really great piece of art. Keep writing.
I really liked this, it's full of emotion and some really good language, and there is a good structure. I loved the line "you wore cigarettes like a perfume" because it just has such impact to me, and it also has a kind of resentful tone to it that signifies a loss of some kind. I dunno, that's what I got :')
keep it up!
I also love how you've linked "you were the summer" in the penultimate stanza with "the bitter bite of your winter" because it's almost what the reader expects to see, as the two are so often compared and contrasted in literature.
One more thing i like is "I never worried about it until the day I did." because it's just a really striking phrase, and sums up the whole tone of the poem really well.
All in all, a great piece of writing
Thank you so much
I'm thrilled you could relate to it x
This is pretty good man, I like how you portray the person for whom I assume the poem is titled after as both good and bad. How they were hardcore,but acted sweet and innocent around you. Until they started abusing you? This is well written but sorta over my head. Keep up the good work.
Aww thank you
I'm glad you could enjoy it! (and honestly, I think you're quite good at understanding poetry). Have a nice day xx
This is a great piece! I like how real world and relatable this is. When you said "You wore cigarettes Like a perfume, but made me swear against smoking" I hear that all the time from people. It just really gives meaning to the title and I like that.
Well I'm done here so bye.
thank you
I hate that too x
Sarai here for a review!
Mmkay, really liked this, it was nice. Flows easily and gets your point across while still remaining a piece of beautiful poetry! Okay, I really had no problems with this. My favorite part is probably the first part. It makes me feel as though I'm in that moment. The whole poem makes me feel that way, I can feel your pain and your sorrows, your emotions. It is just beautiful.
Keep writing,
Sarai
P.S. Imma follow you XD
Aw thank you so much, you're so sweet. Thank you for the follow, and I'm glad you enjoyed the poem
x