i love names that start with r’s.
i told you that
like it was something
you should be proud of
when i learned your name
at 4am
and we had walked
the street of sleeping bars
to overpriced banh mi.
you looked at me like
the sun was dripping
off my skin and
your sunflower stem
never let you look
away
so I wove myself in gold
with the life
that fascinated you
and left you dry
when I went home
to my warm bed
and you found yourself
alone. In a strange city
at a strange motel
dreaming about the
strange girl.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
I love this poem! The line, "You look at me like the sun was dripping off my skin and your sunflower stem never let you look away." is incredible. The way you tie in the sun and sunflowers to correlate with the title in just that stanza really makes the poem a fun read.
I don't know if it's just a personal preference, or just forgot, but you used a comma in the last stanza, but nowhere else. Totally up to you for what you want. Some lines seem as though they could just be their own sentence too, so adding a period might also be beneficial.
All in all this is a really great piece, and you had me drawn in the second I saw the title. Keep up the great work!
Thank you so much ! i edited it a bit to what it was originally and you're right, i forgot about the comma in the last stanza and it doesn't fit with the structure or flow. thanks for the review ^_^