We’re over.
Is what I meant to say.
To wrap your regrets around
My pinkie finger
And make you rue the day
You made me feel
Like a bad memory.
To pull your teeth
With my apathy–
Finality–
And stir my coffee, black,
With your skeleton
Because I can.
I didn’t mean to
Hand my insecurities to you
On a silver platter.
Or give you the ammunition
To pick apart my ribs
And tie a string around my
Lungs,
So you can suffocate me
From the inside
Always,
Like you have.
I didn’t mean to
Wrap myself around
The idea of nothing,
And carve the emotions
On every surface and
My skin,
When I stumble over words
And breathe,
Um, we’re over. Yeah?
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Wow! The imagery and diction was powerful, raw, and vivid! Definitely an eye-opener. The title is misleading and if that was your goal then you met it hands down. The only thing I have to critique on is the ending. It's kind of a let down compared to the rest of the poem. If the sudden and dull ending was on purpose then there's nothing wrong. However as a reader, I was left a little left unsatisfied. You had built my attention and anticipation and left them hanging. Unless the ending was meant to symbolize something or key to your purpose for writing it, I suggest making it stronger so it maintains the poems remains consistent in the use of strong imagery and diction and so readers aren't left wondering "what is up with ending?". Ofcourse it's just a suggestion from a amateur so don't take it too seriously. Other than that, it was great.
I love this poem!! the extended metaphor really works well and blends in with the words to give a really good effect. The language you chose goes well with the theme and the paragraphing works really well too. Well done!
whoah. that's all I can say.
I think the only thing I can say is the ending kind of takes away from all the details and description you used before. "Um, we're over. Yeah?" It's not as formal as the rest of the poem. I'm not sure, maybe just make less abrupt and more like the rest of the poem--formal.
Or maybe it was meant to be that way, I'm not sure.
But I'm just amateur
Keep writing, you're amazing!
Wooow! The first thing I can say about this is that the third stanza actually made me cringe. There was lots of sensory imagery in this, which was great.
I love the rhyming pattern and word choice you used. As a suggestion, I don't think you need the quotations around the first and last line. Usually poetry doesn't use quotations, and you used the words "I meant to say" and "I mumble", so really you don't need the quote marks.
I really like this poem, keep writing!
- Corax
Thank you so much for the criticism
You're right, the quotation marks were redundant and I like how it sounds now, so thank you. xx
Hello!
First of all. DANG! Good job man! This is some great stuff.. LOVED IT!
Okay now....
I do think you could have had a better title to it. Something to really capture the essence of the poem.
Also I do feel that you could have had a better ending. It was kinda sudden. Again, It's just my opinion.
It's also a bit complicated but I like the feeling. I can really grasp it. I think it is beautifully written. I have to say, one of my favourites.
Great job.
Any questions? any time.
Penlorde
Hey!
Thank you so much for the review. I fixed the ending - to an extent - because I didn't really like how it sounded either. I think the new one is better but I kept the awkwardness, because thats what I want to end it. 
xx
As for the title, I am so lost. I named it right before I posted it and I don't really like it either. If you have any ideas I would love to hear them
Actually now that you fixed the ending, I think it fits. Great Job!