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With War There is Love

by 1nspire


The moon shone brightly behind the men as they approached, forming a movie-like silhouette. Despite their long journey, they continued to march with pride, their backs straight and heads held high. Somehow, even through the darkness, I could make out his figure. After all, my eyes had always found him first. 



"I'm sorry," I whispered, feeling the tears form at the corners of my eyes. I didn't have the time, or the heart to wipe them away. Without any warning, gunshots erupted from the forest.

I pulled my eyes away before any of the men were hit. I couldn't handle the thought of Jason getting hurt. For a second, I even let myself believe that he'd be okay. It was a matter of survival; it would kill me if I let myself believe that he was gone. 



Everyone around me was panicking; some took cover in the tents, others ran to try and help the soldiers, but most just stood and stared. In all the chaos I managed to slip into the trees. I let my feet carry me through the forest, not trusting my head to remember the path. I barely felt the hands as they dragged me roughly to the ground. Normally I would've fought, but I didn't have any willpower left. I couldn't bring myself to care. Alias was shaking me roughly. 



"Sam! Snap out of it!" He was whispering, but it might as well have been a scream from the intensity of his voice. I wanted to tell him I couldn't, but the sound died in my throat.

"You need to get up!" 



Get up? How could I get up when I could barely breathe? I didn't care anymore. I had killed the only person that cared about me. I had no reason to go on. 

Alias must have sensed this, and without another word, he lifted me onto his shoulders. He was carrying me. I felt my body go limp in his arms. There were tears streaming down my face. Everything was fading in and out of focus. When the world finally went dark, there was only one thought on my mind: He hadn't left me behind.


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22 Reviews


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Thu Oct 04, 2018 2:03 pm
AutumnDawn wrote a review...



your story is so beautiful. and war and love shall always go together. because it just makes sense. and I know In my heart that people always find love in war.


It is not enough to say we must not wage war. It is necessary to love peace and sacrifice for it. - Martin Luther King, Jr.

At that time a lot of young men didn't want to go to the war and kill. This guy that I fell in love with was one of those so he escaped to Canada and I followed him.- Ann Wilson


Love has its place, as does hate. Peace has its place, as does war. Mercy has its place, as do cruelty and revenge.- Meir Kahane

Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up. - James A. Baldwin




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Sun Sep 16, 2018 7:33 pm
thedevinhiggins wrote a review...



Hello!

I love the way you depict the MC's emotions, as well as the vivid imagery. The story was so gripping as well!

However, there are a couple flaws I would like to talk about:

(1) There is no context about what is going on: who Jason is, what fight is happening, where they are in location and time. I feel like spelling these out would give the reader a better, deeper understanding of what's happening and why Sam had to kill Jason.

(2) "When the world finally went dark, there was only one thought on my mind: He hadn't left me behind."

I'm actually kind of confused by this phrase. Who hadn't left Sam behind? Who is Alias (earlier)? Again, more of a context thing.

Overall, a riveting story with great imagery and emotional nod.

Keep writing, please!




1nspire says...


Thanks, I really appreciate the feedback!!



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Sun Aug 26, 2018 9:05 pm
Amabilia wrote a review...



Helllooooooo 1nspire, Amabilia is here to review!

(I love your username btw.) I'm going to start right off with the grammar.

Somehow, even through the darkness I could make out his 'figure.
After darkness you need to add a comma. Also, don't forget to complete the quotation marks if that's what you were going for.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, feeling the tears form at the corners of my eyes.
Replace the period in the quotation marks with a comma. When someone is speaking and it ends in he/she/I/etc. and a verb, you always replace the last period with a comma.

Alias sighed and without another word he lifted me onto his shoulders.
After "word" you need a comma.

There was only one thing wrong with the flow. In the last paragraph, when you say "Alias sighed" it takes away from the intensity of the moment. She just killed the man she loves, gunshots are erupting from everywhere, people are screaming, and she's having a breakdown. Maybe instead you could say, "Alias waited a moment for me to move, and when I didn't he lifted me onto his shoulders."

Other than those few points, I really liked this story and I would love to read a continuation.

Keep writing,
Am




1nspire says...


Thank you, I really appreciate the grammar tips!



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Sun Aug 26, 2018 1:52 am
FlamingPhoenix wrote a review...



Hi @Shikora here to leave a review.

I really liked reading this peace of work. It was really interesting. I liked how you explained how Sam was feeling. I could feel the sadness she was feeling.But there is still room to fix things hear. So lets gets to it.

First I would like to look at the first paragraph

1) The moon shone brightly behind the men as they approached, forming a movie-like silhouette. Despite their long journey, they continued to march with pride, their backs straight and heads held high. Somehow, even through the darkness I could make out his 'figure. After all, my eyes had always found him first.

I would like to add a few things into this.

1) The large pale moon shone brightly behind the men as they approached it's light cascading down on them, forming a movie-like silhouette. Despite their long journey, they continued to march with pride, their backs straight and heads held high. There foot steps in time with each other making it sound like thunder. Somehow, even through the darkness I could make out his 'figure. After all, my eyes had always found him first.

Well that is all i could pick up from your work. Maybe you'll pick up some stuff. Anyway I really enjoyed reading this. I hope you have a good day and keep writing. I hope to see more over your works soon, and if the review came across as mean i'm really sorry.

Your friend @Shikora.




1nspire says...


Thanks, I really appreciate the review!





Your welcome. I liked reviewing it!



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Fri Aug 24, 2018 10:25 pm
Psychotic wrote a review...



Hello! I really liked this short story! It was really interesting and kept me hooked the entire time. I really like your style of writing and the way you depicted Sam's emotions.

However, there were a few places that I believe you could improve. For example, I wish you could add in a bit of history. You never want to give the reader too much information at the same time, of course. That can become a bit boring. But, I want you to try to add in information only when needed. Maybe if you were able to subtly added in the situation they were in. That would help the reader be able to visualize a bit more. Or if you just slightly elaborated on Sam's connection with Alias and/or Jason.

Second of all, and last of all if I'm going to be honest, some of your phrases seemed a bit choppy and rushed. I get it. I get those moments too. Where you can't seem to find the right transition so you just go with it. But, if you could find a way, I would really like it if you could look through your story again and add in a few sentences to help it flow.

Overall, I thought that this was really nice read! I hope you take my advice into account though. I believe it could help you improve your writing.




1nspire says...


Thanks for the review, I%u2019ll definitely make some revisions!



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Thu Aug 23, 2018 11:25 am
ABC123 wrote a review...



1spire.


First off, I think that this is a fab and very interesting concept. I am immediately drawn into the story that you're telling and can really feel the emotions of the character narrating the story.


Now onto the review:

1. I feel like this is more than a short story, which is how you have categorised it. It's confusing because the reader has no idea about how things got this way, where these people are and why they're doing what they're doing. A short story would need some sort of explanation at the beginning.


2. "The moon shown brightly." - I think you mean to say "the moon shone brightly" here?


3. "forming a movie-like silhouette." - I'm not really sure what you mean by this, maybe you could go into more detail about what you mean?

4. " his 'figure." - I'm thinking that this is maybe a typo here.


5. "I couldn't bring myself to care. Alias was shaking me roughly." - this bit is confusing because of it's abruptness - where did 'Alias' come from? Who is he to the MC?


Overall I really liked what I read and I think that you can really build on this.


ABC123




1nspire says...


Thanks for the review, I really appreciate the feedback! I intend to continue this story in the future so I'll keep these tips in mind.




Nobody wants to see the village of the happy people.
— Lew Hunter