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You have no idea how much I've missed this.

Just hhhhnnnggg.

There is something really special about your prose-poetry. Though your poetry is strong, and extremely, over-the-top metaphorical in the sense of imagery you choose to take, I can't help but find that when you simplify, even just by taking away the pretext of structure, you flourish. This, to me, was far stronger a poem than the one that made the featured section, which is what brought me to review it.

You tell a strong story. The backbone of your work which makes it predominantly prose. The way you trail it through in a sequence of the beginning and the end. Near chronological, which usually goes to be a bit of a crutch for most writers, but in your case, it's one of the most profound things. After all, you reveal nothing when you speak of the insignificance of birth, even to someone whose poem you write, yet you create a basic foundation for the realism that comes out so strongly in that last breath of a stanza. It's sharp, and textured, and full the entire way through. But it's also prose. Strong, revealing prose that gives us a character, makes us see who that character is, and gives us a story revolving around that said character, even if just an explanatory metaphor. A wall of pictures, or a bought of memories too thick to forget, and too sharp to want to.

I like this. I miss this, especially from you.

I think, my biggest interest in this comes with a comparison between the end of this, and the other featured poem. You were always quick to use your love of words to describe this love of humanity, but you were never one who played too strongly on the topic of when and if it all ended. By ended, I feel, in a way, this may not be just death itself, but death of innocence. Death of shame. But, with this one in particular, death of justice and birth of cynicism. It seems far from judicial that bad things happen to good people, and that even the best of one person could be spent suffocated by the darkness they cannot lay to rest.

What brought you to this place, I wonder? What made you so cynical? I suppose, these are questions most can expect to be revealed by the work itself, and yet, I don't feel you as a person in your work. It's sad, and its real, and it has all the makings of being something you've written with every stylistic quirk, and yet I don't see the immediate you in the first person narrative. I just see him, and he is a blank slate.

Mind you, with that last stanza, there was a moment where you took a pause from telling the story to lay your moral, and in it, it brought colour to the first person narrative. Gave us an idea of what this 'he' was thinking when she could not wrestle the mines from the shore. That last stanza said more about him, and you, then the rest of the stanza's combined.

It brings me back to the Ronson Kiss. At that time, when you wrote, you hid nothing. It scares me that now there seems to be something worth hiding.

Otherwise, this is a strong piece with a strong backbone, and a beautiful connectivity. You tell a thick story, and one I should hope gets a lot more attention.

Good to see you back, love
~ Beth

Full critique here: http://titanpad.com/ZVXyMvG7kw

As I said in my review thread, I have < 0 knowledge of reading and writing poetry, but I felt like this piece was fractured. The ideas didn't really seem to flow into one another, the individual stanzas are good, they just don't seem to fit together. You're making tangential references to all kinds of concepts, feelings, and ideas, but they don't seem to have any kind of relevance to the piece as a whole.

Also, what's the point of having the story in all lower case? It would make sense thematic for the first stanza, after that? Not so much.

I really loved this. Just not sure if it was supposed to be all lowercase? It had some really thought-provoking lines but the lack of capitals ruined it a little bit. So yeah. Just my two cents

The first stanza, this one:

when you were born, no planets aligned, no star shone brighter
than any of the others - that would have been too distinct,
yes, for someone who keeps to the walls. you're a vine in this way,
how your fingers seem to curl along the wallpaper
like smoke trails in the sky. someone is flying far away,
and you wonder if they'll come home.

That was my favorite. It was so beautiful and perfectly constructed, and gave my heart a little ache.

Good job!! Terrific poem.

SO YEAH

Hi its 3K
So I think that this is a pretty good piece of poetry. Really it seems like all I see these days is relationship poetry though. Try to make yours stand out