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139,548 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
You're poem is beautiful though i do not like the way you told it from the boy's point of view.
what even
you learn to ignore it after a while, embro.
I just read through the comments and thought, "Great. Now everyone's going to think I'm the bad guy...Oh well!"
I thought this because, well, I actually don't enjoy this poem very much. It's nicely written and all, but it's just the same old themes that everyone does: girls and nature.
There's nothing wrong with those themes, they're just overused.
Try something new! I'll totally write a review for that
Hi Lumi!! I like your poem. But the reason I like it is because I don't quite understand it. Your poem is forcing me to come back to it, again and again, so I can get a little more of it every time. This is what the best poems to, so thank you. This poem does has beautiful imagery and I love the way the lines move across the page. It is a very interesting picture. Poems should be like yours.
I loved it!
It's a beautiful piece and the imagery is just...
'i need a rush, need to feel the thunder in my mind'
I really like this line. I don't know why I just find it intriguing.
~wishuponafallenstar~
gljasdnogful';aseoighna.
Beautiful!
Lumi, I swear. Everything you write just makes me smile =] It could be complete gibberish and I'd still melt. Keep up the good work my friend =]
Okay! We've gotten the prerequisite "I don't like your stylistic choices because I still think everything should be capitalized no matter what" review, and you have two fluffy ones to build your self esteem. ;P
(I feel like putting a PSA on the banner, or somewhere equally visible: "Poets live here. Capitalization optional beyond this point." Or something like that.
Emotionally, I don't like this. At all. It has a sort of emptiness to it, like there's nothing left, and.... it just makes me really, really sad. And now I'm starting to cry, because creative works sort of radiate feelings towards me, and I don't like it when people are sad. Anyone, really. It makes me want to look away.
Stylistically, I love--no, I adore it! I love the indentation... um. Structure? FORMAT. *flails a bit*
A friend is here, so don't respond yet! I don't trust myself to remember if I save this on a document, so I'm going to dinner, coming back, finishing this review, and posting on your wall when I'm done. Deal?
.......Iiii thought you could edit these. *facepalm*
Anyway, I meant to add that I love the way you have her phrases in italics, and it's just beautifully constructed, to me.
...I thought I could write several more paragraphs (and that I could concentrate with a friend here), but apparently not. -_- Dialogue with me later if you want.
This is phenomenal. I loved the imagery, I loved how you showed and did not tell. I love your use of vivid language. I liked the allusions. Keep it up!
Hey there Lumi! Dogs here with your review today! Anywho I love this piece, you have such great description and imagination in your writing. The story line of this poem is very clever, however I do wonder: your signature formatting for your writing has the indentations on some lines. I'm more familiar with that indentation in literature to make a shared line, more commonly used in Shakespeare plays, or to make a visual picture. Although when I read this I'm not sure I see either, so out of curiosity why do you do the indentations on certain lines? Or do you just do it to make it more visually interesting. Oh and one last thing, personally I'm someone who is all for grammar in my poetry and it makes it easier to read, especially when there are capitals in the poem. If you don't want to add any capitals in because that's just your writing style fine by me. Do whatever you wanna do. So really no questions or suggestions about the actual poem because that is spot on. I do enjoy reading your writing, keep up the good work!
TuckEr EllsworTh
nice work right there.