Deleted 26

by Lumi

Published May 7, 2012

In Poetry: 2012

PreviousNext

Deleted at author's request.

Comments & reviews · 5
vampyIrishgirl wrote a review Review · Dec 5, 2012

i love how you wrote this! the basic thing of it all, the love, the hot, the crazy, the coldness, and the sanest thing in the world. what i think you said in this on the bottom line is that even because of what or who he is, he can still find that one thing we think that will make us whole. love, the bitter sweetness of it all, the good the bad and everything else inbetween. i loved the details, the wording and the meaning! you did a phenomenal job on this! i also feel the not-bam-im-here-emotion but the shy-hi-guys-in-a-whisper kind of emotin of sadness. the sadness of going through life that maybe you arent ever going to love by any one, or even could. i metaphors are fantansic. i also like how you talked about how really if you look at ourselves then we all really have a bad-side or in the case a demon. "Fiery, quick-tongued, there's a demon in your heart" my favorite part of this whole thing.

whitewolfpuppy wrote a review Review · Nov 15, 2012

I have to say this is amazing, I think this is just phenomenal how you can write so little yet this means so much. I love the details of the poem that seem to make this so real. This is a very well written piece, the flow between the verses are amazing and flawless as far as I can tell. Your style on the poem fits just right. This is wonderful!
Thanks,
~Whitewolfpuppy :)

User avatar
monsterwriter
Review
monsterwriter wrote a review Review · May 23, 2012

I seriously think this is flawless! I have read this 5 times and can't find one mistake! Just check over the grammatical errors.
Perfect! I think I am in love- with you.

User avatar
Dreamwalker
Review
Dreamwalker wrote a review Review · May 12, 2012

Lumi darling, my love for you burns with the fiery intensity of Charizard's sacred fire. Unsurprisingly, such love stretches out to this rather dark piece. But enough about that!

Anyways, the first thing I noticed about this poem was the direction of it. How you faced it towards the general reader, which is something I tend to do way to often myself. In this case, it was quite lovely structure-wise, and interesting to read. It pulls the reader right in and makes it personal, whether the real strength in this was the personable nature or not.

Either or, I found it very interesting.

A big attribute with this piece also fell under the prose-y nature you so favor. That sort of will-o-the-wisp tone meeting a brutal and rather formidable voice that gears this towards narration rather than realization. The poem is not really unearthly in it's beauty, though beautiful it is. The most beautiful part about it is that you bear intentions quite upfront, your own secret ones being rather well hidden and out of the way. I don't know if that's a personal preference or not, but it gives the poem the prose nature you have seemed to master.

I want to see you delve into emotional imagery that isn't directed up and out. The kind of emotional attachment within a poem that comes from you, the poet. It is this very sincere connection between you and the subject you're referring to - whether metaphorically or not - that will steer this poem down a whole different track. Your emotional bits have always been great, mind you, but many poems are filled with your emotion but are going everywhere else but to you.

Nonetheless, I loved this. Reminded me of a song. This song in fact. I like this cover better than the actual original so, hur dur.

Anyways, a beautiful poem from a beautiful soul. Even if it was a little morbid in textures. An interesting tone coming from you. I'd like to see this 'delved in darkness' tone more often.

All my love <3

User avatar
TazmaniaGirl
Comment
TazmaniaGirl commented Comment · May 7, 2012

Wow, you have a nice flow in writing.



If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them.
— Henry David Thoreau, "Walden"