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Love, I've tried desperately to capture that image, and never have I done it in the way you have. It was so clean and so bright, imagery-wise. It gave off the impression of beauty before that final line. A very Channel-y beauty, with all that imagery of lanterns and boys in Paris, but a very obvious beauty from start to finish.

It's extremely romantic in the dreamer sense.

Now, I'm not quite sure what inspired this, but whatever it was, it is a truly beautiful sentiment. It's never easy seeing yourself for what you are in a society that makes such a capability quite unapproachable. After all, you're asked to be modest but you're not supposed to have a low self-esteem and in both cases, you'll be pushed back towards one or the other, the self-esteem one being the most popular. She wouldn't see herself for herself. She's never learned how.

Nonetheless, the topic was gorgeous. A really lovely sentiment.

Now, when it comes to the imagery, some of it was rather strong and interesting, like the one bit about the civil war and how its connected to the bright white of her eyes. I had debated whether or not this was supposed to be ethereal and that she was something more than she, but I'm not quite sure if that's really true or not. Nonetheless it's an interesting theory.

Tying the radiant eyes back in was a little unnecessary. The poem's so short and sweet that it feels like you were filling up space with that line as opposed to the more subtle, interesting imagery before it.

Either or, this is a lovely poem. And you're a lovely soul. As always, much love.

Lovely, Lumi.

I like the image of "all the boys in paris". There is something so romantic about the French even though, traditionally, I should hate them. I think what I like most is that you have focused on this one consistent feeling and expressed it all within the poem. Sometimes (with your other poems) I feel you try to capture too much, but here you've got it just right. Very tasteful.

There are a few links that either I don't quite understand or I don't feel work as well.

"touching your lips when it's your birthday"
-- I think you're linking the blushing and birthday and touching your lips in a sort of "oh my... all this fuss..." way. The trouble is that the songs and birthday are so far displaced from each other that I didn't immediately make the connection.

"testament to a civil war fought at night"
-- Did I mention that I really like the rhymes? Though I'm not quite sure of this link. Civil wars and France are quite inseparable but I don't quite see how it fits together in the scope of this particular poem. Perhaps you could help me?

The imagery of "light" is wonderful. I like how it isn't too "in your face" -- I think it's because the imagery itself isn't the focus of the poem. The imagery is just a way to illuminate what you're talking about. Now I am babbling. So sorry.

I was talking about your poem with Demeter and she liked the subtle rhymes in the first four lines. I had to take a second look because I totally hadn't spotted them the first time I read it! So yes. Subtle but nice. This has "tasteful" written all over it.

but the light, it isn’t always visible from the inside,
is it?

I'm writing this review on my phone so bear with me. This is a very quiet poem, that utilizes the play between light and dark very well imo. My favorite parts are individual lines that have that subtle eerie feel to them. Some of the heavy hitters include the lines " your eyes are lanterns in the night," and "of the falls of your voice." That last one just sounds cool to say out loud (everyone should read their work out loud at least once before letting others read it.) I think the word that would best summarize this poem would be"stillness," it's a poem that forces the reader to stop, observe and reflect.

This poem seems to already know what it wants to be about, which doesn't happen as often as you'd think. But it is still a little rough around the edges. For example "an ivory stain testament to a civil war fought at night." I don't know if it's just too wordy for one line, the rhyme seems forced, the word testament is out of place or if civil war is too heavy for a poem like this, but this line just isn't doing it for me. We start off cruising with that awesome first line and then this line comes up like a pothole in the middle of the asphalt. I appreciate that this poem has movement, butt your job is to make that journey as smooth a possible.

I also felt like the second half of the poem was a little dull compared to the first. Clauses like "you always blush when..." "...when it's your birthday" "when you waver goodbye" (the repeated use of "you" in general) makes me feel like a prose narrator wandered into the poem and got lost. You're summarizing when you is phrases like that and theres just not enough room in the poem or enough patience in the reader for summary to work.

It's no coincidence that the strongest parts of are the ones where the images are the most specific and most concrete. "when they song you songs" refers to several occasions. We want to know about one specific time with one specific song sung by one specific boy (thats who's doing the singing, right?) Rely on specificity and not generalizations to get your point across and your poem will be stronger and more haunting because of it.

Thats pretty much it. Sorry for any errors in my post I might have missed. Swipe sometimes types the wrong word by default and it's too tedious trying to weed them out on this tiny ass screen. Feel free to pm me if theres anything you want me to clarify. And keep writing!