Chapter 2
The dark ocean was forbidding. It's waters crashing in terrifying waves barely feet from her. Gone was the almost green ocean that was peaceful and welcoming, greeting you with a laugh, this ocean was colors of black, angry and determined, she was mere feet from the torrents of black water crashing down at the bay, the waves of water colliding into a spray that chilled her to the very bone. The ocean was beckoning with its formidable gaze, the water coming closer, debris and rocks flying at her face. With a mighty surge, a wave as black as night towered over her with barely a moment to scream. The torrent twisting her this way and that. There was something blocking her from getting out of the water, a metal bar pressed against her side…
Crack.
The wooden bed frame was heavy against Phoenix's side as she sat up, the room smelling of dust, her pale face flushed and panting, her hands hands straining against the linen, there cracked knuckles, white with strain. The small room seemed to bear down at her, the white walls glaring down at her small bed and closet. Her head was throbbing, a wave of pain seemed to crash down at her as she laid there, the walls swimming beneath her eyelids.
What was happening? Phoenix was in her room, the walls and closet where familiar, even the stack of papers by her bed, the pile of books next to it. She just wanted to sit down as another wave of unbearable pain bore down at her, kneeling her head into the pillow.
How did she get here?
The last thing Phoenix remembered… What did she remember? She leaned down into the pillow, the flashes of the hellish creature coming in blows down at her, the wave of liquid, and it's face, how it had grinned at her, it's mouth filled with short sharp daggers.
No, that was not possible…No, that was not possible she repeated her eyes swimming, just yesterday she had been walking with Emmett, surely it was not possible?
Yes, dummy, we get it, but then what did happen?
Phoenix frowned, trying to block out the voice in the back of her head. But then again, it had a point, what had happened? It was nothing she knew. She had heard glass breaking went down.
Oh god, No, if it had hurt the others, Dale, Elena, she buried her head into her pillow, as other way of pain threatened to overcome her. Wait, where they here?
Phoenix distantly remembered how she had collapsed in front of the creature once the liquid had taken effect, the thing had still been there though, it's powerful arms lunging for her in a swift movement. But she didn't remember anything else, not being carried up to bed, or anything. The creature had been about to kill her, she had seen it in its eyes.
Fighting the wave of dizziness and pain that crashed down on her once she shakily stood up, she clambered over the bed, her legs shaking as her clammy hand came in contact with the brass door knob.
At the landing, Phoenix looked down at herself, she was dressed as she had been before in a blazer, sneakers and tight jeans, she shrugged of the blazer, struggling to get it off her without causing another wave of pain and finally was faced with a short sleeved blue V
neck.
She paused, her legs felt stronger, she felt stronger, the dizziness seemed to be subsiding. Phoenix, walked hurriedly across the other rooms, still walking clumsily down the stairs tripping on quite a few of them. As the small white walls of the first floor came into view, her stomach twisted and flipped, she didn't know what was down there, she didn't know.
Phoenix closed her eyes, memories sliding into place of the cosy house, her summer here when she was six, the distrust that Thomas and Elena has showed her at the threshold of the house. They had complained to Maia that she was boring and didn't like to play, but after a while had gotten to trust and like distantly the quiet girl that had come into their home.
Where they down here? The question repeated like a mantra in Phoenix's head as her feet padded slowly across the carpeted floor, sweat dripping from her fair hair, plastering the ponytail against the nape of her neck. Phoenix stopped at the first door, the door to the living room, usually this was where they were, she could hear muffled footsteps echoing though the brown door, the sound stopping as she turned the brass handle.
Click
The door opened slowly, light piercing into the already lit hallway. Phoenix walked forward, the plush grey couch to its back, on it sat Thomas, his curly black hair pushed back with his hand he sat there musing over a faded black notebook, his expression sullen and thoughtful, wearing just a short sleeved top and cargo pants.
"Thomas?" She said slowly wincing as she strode over to the black coffee table, falling onto the small blue and white checked armchair that stood opposite the couch.
"Yeah?" He said, looking up at Phoenix for the first time, his hazel eyes thoughtful.
"Ah, when did you get back?" She whispered, confused and infuriated.
"Just then," He said slowly, " I came back from Sam's a couple of minutes ago, we where put playing soccer down at Mayfield park. Sorry we didn't get you an ice cream…" Thomas said pointing to the Cornetto on the table.
" That's ok, didn't you see the broken glass at the front door?" Phoenix knew she wasn't really talking about the glass, she was talking about it. At this Thomas was confused, his brow puckering as he stared at her.
"What glass?" He said frowning.
"Never mind" Phoenix muttered, clearly she wasn't going to get any help from him. She left him to immerse himself once again, walking slowly to the door, her mind racing.
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The sleek black cover of the piano lid was a relief to see as Phoenix sat down on the piano chair, the talk with Thomas had sapped a lot of her strength and she felt a wave of dizziness creep up on her, burying her head into her chest. What was happening to her? the pain and dizziness, it wasn't normal.
How did Thomas not see all the glass and the thing?
She couldn't think of a reasonable explanation, her mind whirring. Something had stopped the monster killing her, something had cleared the evidence so no one would know.
But, she knew that wasn't completely the truth.
The quote on the wall, it meant something.
Phoenix frowned passing a clammy hand swiftly through her fair hair, mumbo jumbo and destiny only existed in books, not in every day life. No, she wasn't being Bella from Twilight but she did believe that this wasn't happening to her it had to be someone else, someone else's dream.
Someone else… No, Phoenix pushed away the memory angrily, rearranging her features until they resembled a stone statue, the only movement, the thrum of hands and she splayed them on the swift piano keys, her thin hands playing with grace and beauty playing as if no one was watching, the soft feel of the ivory keys, she concentrated on her hands now, the music swelling up until it seemed to float in the room. She played deeply, the music mellow and sad, her expression hidden, a shadow cast over her unreadable eyes.
The music stopped slowly, ending on a soft melancholy key, that shook on the balance, waiting to be upheld. Phoenix sighed, closing the sleek lid in a small movement, staring and the small chair that stood in the corner of the room, it's sleek black cover staring at her furrowed brow.
She liked the freedom that piano brought, the sense that you wouldn't be judged no matter what you played, how she could get lost and forget everything that was happening, everything.
Phoenix leaned forward, the light cascading over her upturned dark blue eyes, her fair hair pulled back into a loose pony tail, her cheek bones cutting across the plains of her face. Her blue eyes where strange, deep blue icicles that seemed to pierce through you, steel blue, like a wall was built firmly around them.
She seemed to jolt awake, lifting herself slowly from the chair and slipping through the pale door, her movements confused and in a hurry, her eyes eerily blank. She climbed the stairs in a sort of trance, her joints stiff and confused. When she finally, after muttering a mumbled hello to Thomas, thundered through her door, scattering the books and papers that littered the floor.
She reached over to the small in built closet that stood at the side of her bed, swinging the door open with a closed fist. There where three sections to the cupboard, one for clothes, one for miscellaneous and one simply for books, the covers leather and decayed. She reached for the one with it's back to the wall, flipping the cover before it had soared into her grasp, her eyes ablaze.
The Great and Noble Works of Tennyson.
The cover glared at her with the words inked scantily on the faded brown leather. Flipping to the page, like she had done it a million times, scrolled her finger down the bindings. On the aged stained paper was a short paragraph.
We cannot be kind to each other here for even an hour. We whisper, and hint, and chuckle and grin at our brother's shame; however you take it we men are a little breed
She read the words out loud, her voice strong and confident. Once she finished, she closed her eyes, emotion coloring the blue flame once she opened them.
Then she collapsed, the page shattering golden light over her knees.
Hi cm! I'm back for part two.
This sentence is confusing. Does the wave have barely a moment to scream, or Phoenix?
Why does she want to sit down when she's already in bed?
I would put this in italics, so that readers know that it's a thought.
This should be "were," not "where." You mix these up quite a few times throughout this chapter. Make sure you're using the right word.
I think that I pointed this out in the last part, but you use a lot of run on sentences. This could easily be broken into three or four separate sentences.
Talking about what? The monster? Whoever carried her up to bed? The "it" is incredibly vague.
By "blue flame' do you mean her eyes? And she obviously has two eyes, so shouldn't it be plural? "Emotion coloring the blue flames?" I was a little confused by this.
Cool cliffhanger ending!
This is getting really interesting. Who saved her? And how did the glass get fixed again? I also liked that you brought the quote up again, instead of completely dropping it like some people would.
We're getting a better picture of Phoenix in this chapter. She likes playing the piano, and she's quiet. But I want more! We still really don't know very much about her. She doesn't have very much personality right now.
The grammar does need some work, especially the sentence structure. Here's an article that canislupis posted about run on sentences, and I promise I won't bring it up again! viewtopic.php?f=151&t=64802
Grammar, of course, is easily fixable. Right now I would focus on adding more details. We still don't know very much about Phoenix, and Thomas is barely given a second glance besides a brief description of his physical description. This is a very interesting story, though. I really enjoyed it, and I can't wait to see what happens next! Keep up the good work!
Hope I helped!
Magnus