Young Writers Society

Ho! Such a nice piece you have written here. This piece is so different form the others that I have come across and right I am having some difficulty in classifying this. Is this a poem? A story? What ever it is this requires proper planning and some remodelling and construction lol.

Also I really loved the way how you were able to express panic and fear with such lucidity! I know you havr loads of talent hidden in you and to say the the truth I think you make a better poet because you have got a mind like them. Special and different from the others.

Overall I don' t think theres anything to say as you have wrote so little. Please do something about it ok? And yeah keep writing. I hope to see some improvement the next time I see you (your writings).

Hayo Lucky. (love the name,) well I am here to write thine a review.

Well I would call it the Titanic not this ship is going down.

Well I would write this a little differently like have it start off with you going into the Titanic and then have them go along but also if you think about it baby's normally don't even know how to talk.

Small thing I noticed why is all of this in bold?

And... the last word should be more than just one word.

And this first piece.

Someone! Everyone! Go! go! go! What is going on?

I quite like this - it is short but sweet (well...not sweet but you know what I mean!). It has a good concept - the Titanic sinking and I think you have described the panic well. However, there are a few grammatical errors with speech. Instead of putting the spoken words in italllics, why not use speech marks. Also, why is it all on bold? It would be better if just the last two words were in bold. Lastly, I think that the last line should be 'the ship THAT cannot sink'. I think this is good and with a little bit more editing, you could make it really strong.