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139,567 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Hi, I'm firepen. This poem is pretty good. I think it will mean a different thing to each person. I like the way you describe an perfect world, knowing that it will never be the case. I think that some lines don't need to be split up - 'Then you would know the feeling of' would be better all on one line. Also, I think you could split this up into stanzas - maybe each one three lines long because that would easily work in the poem. And maybe, a little bit of repetition might be quite good in this poem - maybe you cold do something with the 'if you' lines and then change it for the last three lines? I hope this helps!
I love this poem because honestly I believe that it tells or speaks to the reader how bad and messed up our world is. And that there could be a better civilization Thayer could live in.
Thank you!