Someone! Everyone! Go! go! go! What is going on?My heart races as my face hits the wall of the ship. There is a few moments where I can't feel anything yet but can see the blood. A few moments to anticipate the pain. Go! Go! a man shouts at me. But it sounds like a chorus of ugly, panicking people. Help! Help! A baby wails. Then I see the treacherous water creeping down the floor. A death sentence in a boat. I hear a voice. The boat's going down!
But this is the Titanic.
This ship cannot sink...
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139,558 Literary Works • 672,608 Reviews
Ho! Such a nice piece you have written here. This piece is so different form the others that I have come across and right I am having some difficulty in classifying this. Is this a poem? A story? What ever it is this requires proper planning and some remodelling and construction lol.
Also I really loved the way how you were able to express panic and fear with such lucidity! I know you havr loads of talent hidden in you and to say the the truth I think you make a better poet because you have got a mind like them. Special and different from the others.
Overall I don' t think theres anything to say as you have wrote so little. Please do something about it ok? And yeah keep writing. I hope to see some improvement the next time I see you (your writings).
Hayo Lucky. (love the name,) well I am here to write thine a review.
this is to squished together its as if you were actually going down in the Titanic and were to panicked to watch how the words went. ;PWell I would call it the Titanic not this ship is going down.
Well I would write this a little differently like have it start off with you going into the Titanic and then have them go along but also if you think about it baby's normally don't even know how to talk.
Small thing I noticed why is all of this in bold?
And... the last word should be more than just one word.
And this first piece.
Anyway it covered the story and you know what it is but something that might help is like water knee deep water or something like that or maybe clothes and suit cases rolling around in the room?
I loved this short story.
Keep up the good work.
May god be with you.
~Jon~
I quite like this - it is short but sweet (well...not sweet but you know what I mean!). It has a good concept - the Titanic sinking and I think you have described the panic well. However, there are a few grammatical errors with speech. Instead of putting the spoken words in italllics, why not use speech marks. Also, why is it all on bold? It would be better if just the last two words were in bold. Lastly, I think that the last line should be 'the ship THAT cannot sink'. I think this is good and with a little bit more editing, you could make it really strong.