Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
Chapter 17
I take a bunch of grapes and a glass of honeyed water as I watch the proceeding. The vampire diplomat gestures wildly with his hands, making the fae around him flinch back. As I glance around the room, it seems apparent that no one- not even the vampires- are listening. Alexander hides a yawn behind his hand, and some of the younger clansmen and women play idly with magic, earning disapproving glances from their sires and lords. My mother drains her glass of wine and sets to inspecting the detailing on the goblet, a murderous expression on her face. Kerissa, who is attending, stifles a giggle, eyes dancing with mirth when she looks at me.
The vampire diplomat, who was droning on and on about topics already covered, finally sits down, looking quite happy with himself. Another boring looking official starts to stand up, to ask permission to speak, but Lord Fenthclann cuts in, looking anxious to avoid the ordeal of sitting through boring speeches. I sit up straighter, anticipating something interesting happening. Lord Fenthclann is one of the more radical of the lords, despite his age.
“I propose that we move to trade agreements, and leave border treaties to the next session, your majesty.” He bows deferentially to my mother, his ginger hair ruffling in an invisible wind as he does so.
The queen puts her goblet down, and sits up in her chair. “I believe that that would be the best way to proceed, Lord Fenthclann.” Looking around, she says, “Does anyone have any propositions or documents they would like to be taken into consideration?”
I gesture to my clerk, Rook, who is scribbling down notes rapidly. He hands me a dusty old tome, and a stack of parchment that I had notes on. Standing, I ask permission to speak, avoiding my mother’s gaze as I do so. When she nods, I sigh in relief before beginning to talk. “I’m sure everyone remembers when vampire-faerie relations fell out. Our races have never been the best of friends.” Looking around at the vampires, I say, “A drop of your blood is fatal to us, but a touch of our magic is enough to make you lose consciousness. Silver is your weakness- yet fae use it endlessly. And iron will burn through my flesh in an instant- but you vampires have never used anything else.” I meet the eyes of as many people as I can before continuing. “Our races were created to be opposites, and war was inevitable.”
Opening the book, I look up. A glimmer of sunlight catches the specks of dust that waft around in the air. “When King Vern of Lysian and Queen Fainthe of Valkyr were wedded, it seemed to many that the relations between our two countries were stable. But it was not to be so. Not one week after their wedding, both were dead, and four thousand years later, we still don’t know what happened, and we still fight.”
Someone says dryly, “Enough with the rhetoric, your highness, get to the point.” A snicker sounds from a distant corner, but I refuse to feel embarrassed.
“I have a point, I promise you.” Allowing myself a smile, I continue, “My point is that we had tens of thousands of years in which we lived in relative peace. We had trade agreements, but they were thought to be lost over the years.” I see people nodding, see chieftains smiling as they understand what I’m saying. “It took me entirely too long, I assure you-“ I add a titter, setting the room at ease before going on, “-but I did manage to find a mention of such charters in the vast libraries we have in the castle. From this mention, I was able to find a copy of the documents. And although the exact agreements may not be applicable now, I think we can find something of use here.” With a winning smile, I sit, as Rook passes out copies that he’s drawn up of the trade agreements used before- with a few edits that I’d entered myself.
The chieftains and lords murmur amongst themselves as they receive their copies of the agreements, and I see enough support in people’s eyes that I barely manage to resist from jumping in joy. Lindon sends me the feeling of pride, and I smile at him from across the room. Even my mother doesn’t say anything, choosing to stare darkly off into the distance.
“Princess Rionach?” I look to see who’s called my name, and meet Lady Cassandra’s eyes coolly. “Are you saying you support these agreements as they are?” A few of her fellow countrymen shoot her annoyed glances for speaking, and I realise with a start that she is the only woman amongst their party. Putting it out of my mind, I reply.
I shake my head, gesturing to Rook, who hands me another document. “I believe that they are good guidelines to build from, but I don’t believe that they should be used as they are, no.”
Cassandra nods, clicking her long, gloved fingernails on the table, which makes me want to rip them out. She doesn’t pause the incessant clicking as she says, “Don’t you think that starting afresh can keep us from making the same mistakes that led to this situation? Obviously, if war broke out, something in those treaties was terribly wrong.”
I narrow my eyes at her, flinging a lock of hair out of my face. Her brother, Cyan, nods along with everything she says, but Alexander simply watches, a thoughtful expression on his face. Tipping my head as I decide how best to maneuver this obstacle, I say, “I think you’ll find, if you were so inclined to study history, that war broke out between our two countries not because of the treaties, but because of mutual misunderstanding. We could set up post lines, perhaps, between our two countries, to rectify the problems that we have come upon. That way, communication will improve, and hopefully, with time, amicable relations and trust might develop. That is, after all, our true goal, isn’t it?”
I see the moment when the full force of my veiled insults hit Cassandra. An expression of outrage spreads over her face, but she refrains from saying anything, choosing instead to toss her white blonde curls over her shoulder and glare me down with icy blue eyes. Purposefully, I shift my attention from her, and back to my notes, ignoring her. “My lords, Lysian is in dear need of gold and trade partners. Your war with the dragon country, Kherr, has left you in debt. Valkyr is the richest country around; we have not fallen into civil wars and revolutions, like Erisek and Ascott.”
One of the vampire-diplomats stands up, asks permission to speak, and then says, “You bring Ascott into this. The human country is your ally, is it not? And Erisek- it’s rumored that their runaway queen’s half-brother courts you. Is it not enough that you’ve alliances with nearly every country in this realm?”
He draws breath to go on, but I hold up a palm, causing nearly everyone to fall silent. My blood sings with the power I have over this room, and I hide a smile internally as I think to Lindon, I think I was born to rule.
He replies, I always knew you were. Now reply to him.
I stare the vampire down, causing him shrink beneath my steely gaze. “I speak frankly when I say this: Lysian, too, will be on the edge of a revolution. Many of your people starve, because you do not have the finances to help them. Your nobility is half-dead, many of them fled to faraway countries. You need our gold, our connections.”
The room falls so silent, it doesn’t even seem that I hear anyone breathing. But rather than get angry, the ambassador steps back. “I must say, Princess Rionach, you will make a formidable queen someday.” He sits back down.
After that, the Council session continues in a whirl. Passionate debates are sparked, but no fights erupt, and when we adjourn for the day, although nothing has been finalized, many of the lords support following the old agreements as closely as possible, and my mother collects her dagger with a stormy air. She eyes me, then silently commands me to join her with a flick of her wrist. Bidding Lindon goodbye, I join her, trying to make myself as small as possible.
“Rionach, I was not aware that you were researching the old Lysian agreements. Don’t you think you had better things to do?” Her disapproval hangs in the air like a thick cloud of dusts as we step into the long corridors of the castle. The scent of honey and wine lingers in the air as we pass the kitchens, and I try to not feel disappointed.
“I thought I did what was best for the country, Mother.” I shrug my shoulders as we walk, stifling a yawn. I haven’t had much sleep in the past few days, and I know I’ll need to sleep before tonight’s midnight escapade.
“What is best for the country is for you to make a good match.” She studies me. “Prince Blathen has asked for your hand in marriage.”
I choke on air as my lungs apparently stop working. Coughing, I sputter, “What did you just say?”
She smiles smugly. “It’s what I wanted to speak to you about.” I focus on breathing steadily, studying a wall hanging with great interest.
Keeping my face calm, I raise an eyebrow. “Of course, and I’m so glad you came to me with this first. Unfortunately, I’m not sure I give my permission to be wed to Prince Blathen, so if you’ll excuse me...” I try to step around her and leave, but of course, she catches my arm and spins me around.
“You seem to have misunderstood my intentions, Rionach. You will wed Prince Blathen, and you will do it with a smile on your face.” Her cold, unfeeling eyes stare into mine, and briefly, I wonder if she understands what she’s asking me to do.
Quietly, I look up at her, letting my barriers fall and showing her my true emotions. My lip curls into a sneer, and I look her up and down as if she’s dirt, but she doesn’t react. “And if I don’t? If I refuse? What then, mother?”
Her eyes gleam with unspoken challenge, and I know that from this moment on, she is surely my enemy. “If you don’t? I’ll have you thrown into jail and disown your sister. Kerissa inherits all her holdings from my side of the family, and she has no lands of her own, except the Isles, which no fae has gotten to since the time of Saemara the Wild. How long do you think she’ll survive on the streets, Rionach?” A small titter escapes her mouth as my expression changes to one of pure hatred and anger.
Still, when I speak, my voice is controlled. “How could you say that? She’s your own daughter! Do you even understand what that means?”
Her eyes narrow as she, too, gets caught up in our fight. “I am thinking as a queen, Rionach, not as a mother.”
I laugh, and it is such a bitter sound that even my mother recoils. “You’re thinking as a queen? That’s rich, coming from you. What, was poisoning the king part of that, too? Get this through your head: you are not queen, nor will you ever be.”
She calms almost instantly before she says, with an odd smile on her face, “I already am. That is what you have never understood. A true queen is not born. She is made.”
I study her, not rising to her childish bait. “You have not made yourself a queen. You’ve been made into Grigori’s whore. You are so blinded by your greed that you don’t even realise that Blathen will take your power away and use it against you when he takes the throne.” Shaking my head, I walk away.
The queen calls after me, “Your engagement to Prince Blathen will be announced after we dine tonight.” Her words make me dig my nails into my palms to keep from punching the wall, or worse, throwing a dagger at her. At least you wouldn’t miss. I smile bitterly at the thought as I walk away, drowning in my feelings.
End of chapter
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Hey, Rora! Second verse, same as the first; I haven't read the rest of the novel, so I'll be commenting on what I see in this chapter.
From the beginning—I think I brought this up in another chapter of yours I reviewed, too—your syntax brings me out of it a bit. You have large, heavy paragraphs all at once, and they don't lend themselves to easy reading with your style of writing. For me, it takes more effort to get through a paragraph because of how short and same-y all the sentences are, as well as how dry it lends itself to feeling. As a result, this is one of the things that lessens the emotional impact of your story.
As a reader, I don't connect well to your characters because of how distant the narration is, which isn't a fault so much of your style as much as your perspective. First-person isn't doing you any favors in this case; the internal monologue is very "I"-heavy, which it really shouldn't be. When you go throughout your day, do you constantly monitor "I do this, I do that; I think this" and such? This ties into the lack of emotions, in that Rionach is very distant from what's happening around her.
Something you might look into eliminating in favor of strengthening the inner voice is "I think" and "I know" phrases. Which of these sounds stronger?
The last issue I'm going to bring up here is your formatting. You need to watch this, and make sure that one character's actions is separate from other characters' dialogue.
This, for example, makes it look like Rionach is saying these things instead of Cassandra. It confused me at first, because I wasn't sure why Rionach would be saying her own name. Instead, it might behoove you to format this in a way more similar to this: In this case, it's clear who's speaking and who's doing what; yes, it spaces out your paragraphs more, but it's favorable to do that over confusing the reader during your stretches of dialogue. If you try to avoid talking-heads syndrome by combining one character's dialogue with another's action, you just make the problem worse.
As always, I look forward to what you do next. Keep writing!
Whoa. Did all that between Ria and her mom happen right in front of everyone? I would think that would draw attention, those sorts of threats.
Queenie, you have a wonderful fantasy world set up here. The different nations of creatures, each with distinct cultures and histories, shows a level of thought and development we don't see too often in modern "fantasy." That said, (and you know I like this story) I want to read about that stuff more than this.
Allow me a moment to explain myself. What you are doing with the story about political endeavors and all the cloak-and-dagger stuff is interesting and not a lot of people write that sort of thing. But sweetie, I am much more interested in the stuff in the background. I want to know why Valkyr is so popular. I want to know about the revolution in the human territory, I want a story about the vampire-dragon war. Honestly, in order for this story to stay interesting in such an amazing universe, you need to spice it up more. This whole time, I have known what her goals are: peace between vampires and fae. But what's at stake?!? What happens if she can't? More to the point of what makes a story interesting, what is making it hard? She seems to have everyone on her side here. There is conflict between her and her mother, sure, but there is no RISK! I want to know what bad things will happen if she doesn't accomplish her goals. What bad people are trying to stop her? Why? This story thusfar is little more than just one thing happening after the other.
If Valkyr can't get trade agreements with Lysian, what happens then? Will Lysian attack them, rekindling the war? Will the Troll Kingdom ally with them and destroy the Leprechaun Kingdom? Why do we want that not to happen? There have to be vampire fanatics who despise fae and want no peace. Or the other way around. Do they want to sabotage negotiations?
These are all just examples; there are countless more, and any of these elements will add an edge to this story that will set it apart from any of the other more interesting stories that are doubtless unfolding in Erisek or Ascott.
One more thing, completely not related to any of that: You need to mention earlier that she's been working on this peace plan with Rook. Like, Chapter 2 or 3 early. Springing something that central to the plot isn't the best, you need to give us her plan before she starts it. I mean, did she do it all between Chapter 16 and 17? I don't think so. Mention it sooner.
Let me know what else I can do to help. I love this world you've created, don't be surprised if I don't ask to use it. And, as usual, your names are fantastic (no pun intended).
Keep it up. Remember what I said about spicing things up with more at stake.
~Q
P.S. The queen is a b*tch.